My New Lover
by Integra22
Summary: Integra ponders, what would be best, Human or Vampire? But it seems her mind is already made up.
1. betrayal

_**Authors note: Hello! This is a sort of sequel to "My master's Lover." It is Integra's side of the story, and I have decided to make it into chapters rather than making it a one shot. Hope you enjoy!**_

 **My New Lover**

I have betrayed you.

I know you can smell him. I know you watch me when I return home, as I stumble drunkenly through the halls at 2am. I could never hide from you. You always have ways of finding out my secrets. No matter how well I hide, or lie. I am just biding time until you confront me about it.

But honestly. I want you to find out. I want you to know I have found someone else. Maybe then you'll get over me and move on. I want to move on too, I so desperately want to forget all the times we spent together. Not because I hate those memories, But because I must forget. For the sake of my humanity, and my organization. We can never be together. You and I are too different. I love you, and it's wrong. My love for you is wrong and sick, and I am disgusted with myself for ever letting you near my body. But not because I didn't want it, it's because I do want it. I want a monster to touch my body, to please me, to make me feel vulnerable.

 _How disgusting._

I am a disgusting woman. I still think of you, in a sexaul way. I sometimes imagine your hands exploring my body like you use too. I feel myself getting excited at the mere thought of you. But I must stop myself. My hands cramp, and my heart aches. But I know I mustn't give into you.

 _Dog._

But, sometimes the thought of him wins over you. His soft blue eyes, and his black wavy hair invade my mind late at night when I try to sleep. I can't help myself. His voice saying my name over and over. His big, rough, calloused hands running over my hands on accident. I wonder how his hands would feel over other parts of my body.

I shake my head of the thought. Both of you give me temptations to sin. I fall asleep in peace for once. But the next morning, as I wake, your image invades my mind. My breath shakes as I stand up from my bed. I don't want you in my head.

I walk into my bathroom and get ready for my day. As I finish, Walter knocks on my door.

"Come in." I say, quickly wrapping myself in a towel. He enters, averting his eyes from me.

"Is this a bad time?" He asks me.

"No." I say. He nods at me.

"Well, are you still planning to leave the manor this afternoon?" he ask.

"Yes."

"Is it that nice gentlemen you met at Sir Penwood's ball?" He says, handing me a towel for my hair.

"Yes it is." I say.

"Ooh," Walter smiled. "You two have really hit it off, haven't you?"

I smile, and give him an awkward chuckle. "Ha ha, well, you could say that." I hide my face from Walter. He notices, and changes the subject.

"Shall I lay out your clothes for today?" he asks.

"Yes, it would be much appreciated." I say. He bows to me and leaves to set out my clothes. Funny, how I am a grown woman yet I do not set out my own clothing. I don't do much of anything on my own anymore. Everyone does everything for me, all I have do is command, and my will is fulfilled.

I remember you use to tell me you were an extension of my will. And that everything you did was because me. It honestly made me feel strange hearing that, at the time I didn't know what to do with power of the devil at my exposal.

I get ready for the rest of my day, then head to my office. _Paper work._

I remember when you would come to my office and kept me entrained. You are still the only person to make me laugh so hard I wheeze. Make me laugh so hard I take off my clothes. I was under your spell then. You're charm getting me to undo the first half of my shirt, unwrapping the package without much effort.

As I do my paperwork. You come into my office, and stand in the corner. Watching me. I start to get nervous. He was supposed to call me, and set up a time. And there you are, watching me, watching my every move. I start to shake. After awhile of silence, you speak.

"Master." You start to approach me. I panic. Not knowing what to do. I stay calm at first.

"Go away." I calmly state.

"Master, you look tense." You say, kneeling down by my side. I want scream, why don't you ever listen? I grit my teeth.

"I said leave! You damn dog!" I yell, banging my fist on my desk. That gets you to leave finally. You seem hurt by my tone, but I don't care. Learn to listen.

I shake my head, and tremble. Shaking off any negativity you have caused me. I relax back into my chair before the phone rings. _It was him._

"Hello, Samuel." I greet him in a pleasant tone.

"Good evening Ms. Hellsing." I hear him chuckle softly. "So are you ready for this evening?" He asks me.

"Quite, what will we be doing?" I ask, eagerly. A slight smile on my face.

"Well, I haven't figured that out yet." he says. I roll my eyes. He is not like you, he is a free spirit, and with that, he does not plan, he just does. That is one thing I could never do. Being a free spirit isn't something I can afford, and seeing someone being free and unhinged, is alluring to me.

"You really don't plan, do you?" I accuse, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, is this for business? Or for pleasure?" He asks me. My mouth opens slightly. Not sure what to say. He continues, "Because if it is for business I surely can call back, and give you a time and a place." He says. I swallow, anxious.

 _Why am I so anxious…_

"It's for pleasure." I admit.

He laughs, his voice piercing my ears in a pleasant hum. My breath shakes, as I sigh.

"I am so glad we are on the same page Ms. Hellsing." I want to huff, but I don't. I don't want to give away I was just flustered. Oh, How I can just his picture his face about now, His smile, with his bright teeth, and his squinted eyes.

"So," I pause, clicking my tongue. "Am I supposed to come to you?" I ask.

"If you want too." He teases. I almost snap, but I hold it in.

"Well, isn't you're manor getting refurbished?"

"Yeah, so?" He chuckles.

"You're funny." I say flatly.

"There is always the garden." he tells me softly.

"Aren't you getting new plants?"

"Yeah, so?" he repeats himself.

"You aren't making this easy." I tease. "But I guess i'll come." I say nonchalantly.

He laughs again. "I am so glad, Ms. Hellsing!" I hear him light a cigar, "So, how does three sound to you?" He asks.

"That sounds fine." I tell him, looking at the clock on my wall. 11: 30am.

"All right, I look forward to our rendezvous."

I fluster. "Good bye, Samuel." I say, hanging up before he could say goodbye. My lips tremble, and my hands shake. He has such confidence, like you did. But, he has no ties to my blood, he does not have to listen to me, which makes him more dangerous, and _exciting._ _Oh god..._

I sigh, thoughts of you leave me despondent.

When the time comes, Walter and I leave to the manor of Samuel L. Damere.

 _Damere…_

 _Damere…_

 _Damere…_

Such a strange last name for a German American, I wonder the origins of the name as Walter drives me to Samuel's mansion. Maybe I should have Walter do some research. As we approach we are stopped by guards. I get out of they car and bid Walter goodbye. I tell him not to worry about picking me up. He nods, and drives away.

Two armed guards escort me inside, and start to pat me down. But I hear _his_ voice.

"Stop." he says. I turn to see his face. I feel my face stretch upward. He smiles back at me.

"That is enough." He tells the guards, he waves his hands, dismissing them. They nod, and leave us to ourselves.

"Hello Samuel." I greet him.

"Hello, Ms. Hellsing." he says.

I wonder for a moment why he addresses me by my last name only. I am quick to correct him.

"Please, Samuel, call me Integra. We have been friends long enough for you to address me as such." I say, crossing my arms.

He chuckles. "My apologies, _Integra._ " Then he gives me a small, subtle wink. His wink sent a small, pleasurable shiver down my spine. Just like you use too.

"Apology accepted." I say, and I give him a wink back. He steps beside me, putting his arm around me. Letting close to me. My brow starts to sweat. I advert my eyes downward.

"Let's go to my study." he nudges his head in its direction. He starts to direct me to his office. We take a shortcut through the dining hall to avoid the workers that were redecorating his mansion. But something catches me eye in as we pass through, I break free from his grasp, and stop in my tracks. There was a picture. Horizontal, of a family. A baby, a woman, and Samuel.

I slowly walk up to the picture. "You never told me you had a family." I say. I would have never guessed he was a family man. Although I feel my heart sink.

 _Why does my heart sink?_

"Oh, well, most of our conversations have been about business. A I tend to keep my personal life out of my business life." he explains.

"Well we are getting _quite_ personal now, don't you think?" I say. I don't know why, but I feel betrayed in a way. Like he was hiding this from me. My eyes peer at him.

"I would say so." he smiles at me, not taking my harsh look seriously. He stands next to me. "That woman, in the picture, is my late wife, Victoria." He says.

I suddenly feel guilty. "Oh…" I say, empty. I examine the woman in the picture. Her skin was as dark as mine, and her eyes were of an emerald green. Her hair was made of tiny ringlets, and the color of dark sand. Her face was in the shape of an oval. Like mine. "She's beautiful." I compliment.

"Thank you." He says.

"How did she…" My voice trails off.

He clears his throat, and speaks in a quiet tone. "In her sleep, peacefully. She had a brain tumor that went undetected, and we didn't find it in time." he says, looking away from me.

"I am sorry, I know what is it like to lose someone important to you." I say.

"I think we all do, Ms. Hellsing." He says, looking back towards me. "It's just how we deal with it." he smiles at me. Something inside of my heated in my chest. It tingled, and made me tremble. I look into his eyes, Oh his eyes were so soft, and kind. Not like yours. Your eyes were as red as the sun, and they burned with the fiery passion of deepest depths of hell. I remember, those eyes of yours looking down on me in the throes of passion. I gently shake my head trying to get you out of my head.

 _His eyes are better. Dog._

"You're right." I give Samuel a small smile before turning back to the picture. "Who is the little one?" I ask. His face immediately got brighter, brighter than I have ever seen it. My eyes widened.

"Her name is Constance." he says. "And she is my pride and joy."

"She has the most green eyes I have ever seen." I compliment.

"Just like her mother." he chuckles. "It's a shame you cannot meet her sooner."

"Hm? Why is she not here?" I ask.

He clicks his tongue. "Well, she is finishing up her schooling in the states. Then when it's officially summer she'll be coming to her new home."

"Oh, well, where is she now?" I ask.

"My old home, in colorado."

"I see." I nod intently. "How old is she?"

"She's four." He says.

I nod again. "You have a beautiful family."

He laughs. "Thank you." He then puts his arm around my shoulder. "You are too kind." he tells me. "Now, where were we?"

"Your study?" I give him a cheeky grin.

"Right!" He snaps his fingers. Then he quickly takes me through his mansion, to his study. I take a seat next to his big wooden desk, as he sits behind it. He takes out a cigar as he gets comfortable in his big leather chair. He leans back, taking a long drag, his lungs exhale slowly, his lips purse as he blows out the smoke. I am caught staring.

"I am terribly sorry Ms. Hellsing! Where are my manners" he sits forward, taking another cigar out of the box in front of him. He hands one me, I take it.

"It's Integra." I correct him.

He smiles. "My apologies. Integra. I seems I am not a good house guest." He leans in close to me. His knees close to my knees, They tingle. Every part of my body tingles when it's close to him. And his accent when he says my name. It makes me feel strange, it feels good.

"Well. Do you mind giving me a lite?" I say, putting the cigar in my mouth, leaning in. Our knees touching. I swallow. I wonder why I am so flustered when we barely make any contact. It is not like I am pure. My servant, might not have taken my innocence, but you certainly have tainted me. I have let you do things to my body that would make a prostitute blush.

So,

Why does he make me so nervous?

He extends his arm, lighter in hand, I put the end of the cigar on the burning flame. It ignites, I let the smoke fill my lungs, leaning back, I relax.

"What brand are these?" I ask

"Cohiba esplendidos." He says.

My eyes widened, but I nod impressed. They were a rich and creamy cigar. "I like them." I say.

"I am happy to hear it." he says, as he continues to smoke.

This is the first time I have been in his study. It is small, and dark. It almost has a cozy feel. His desk that he sat behind, was big, and made of dark wood. It was also cluttered, with papers and office supplies. I wonder for a moment, if I was small enough to lay on it. It was about the size of a full size bed. I wonder if I layed on it, if he would touch me ever so slightly like he would the items on his desk. I wonder if I strip naked would he touch my body, if I asked.

I shake my head.

 _What am I thinking? Disgusting woman._

I scold myself, I suppress the fantasy.

 _ **To be continued...**_


	2. First kiss

As I sit next to Samuel, I notice subtle differences between you and him. His movement is structured and sound, he knows every move before he makes it, yet, he is so free in the way he acts and speaks. He cares not to respect the social norms of conversation. And I usually I do not have tolerance for those insolent in social acts. But he, has a way with words. His words wrap around me like a blanket. The way his voice addresses my last name,  
 _  
_" _Ms. Hellsing."_

I breathe hard out of my nose.

"Is something wrong?" His voice pierces through my thoughts.

"No-no… I'm just thinking." I say.

"Well, what are you thinking about?" He asks. I blush slightly, I turn away and hide, but I try not to make it to obvious. But alas he notices. I see the most, sly smirk spread across his lips.

 _Shit._

"Ms. Hellsing?" He asks.

 _There it is again._

" _Ms. Hellsing, will you get naked and lay on my desk?"_

My head snaps in his direction. Am I hearing things? I give him a weird look. "What?" I say slowly.

"I said, are you all right? Your face is awfully red" He leans towards me. I shy away. His brow furrows at me.

"I would like a glass of water please." I answer him, ignoring his question. His mouth drops open.

"I- I.. uh, okay." He nods at me. Standing up he says "I'll be right back." He leaves the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I sigh.

 _What is wrong with me? Why am I being so disgusting?_

I sit up in my chair, crossing my arms. Trying to clear my thoughts. I look up at the ceiling, the vents exposed. I shut my eyes. But all I can think about is Samuel. And for a moment, I have the slight in urge to lay on his desk for when he gets back. Placing all of his papers and pencils on my naked body in an arrangement that would cause me pleasure. I imagine him lightly dragging a pencil across my breast. I shiver at the thought.  
I shake my head, and open my eyes again. I look around the room for a distraction. I stand up and pace his office. That seems to help. I go to sit back down, but this time I sit in his chair. It makes me feel small. His chair wraps around me, it's made of leather and foam.

 _Hm_

I look around me, from side to side and watch the door. Then I slowly open the drawer to his desk and peek inside. And I am taken by surprise. Combustion paper? And what looks like a dried flower. I stare at it a bit more, Then it hit me.

 _Oh_

"He smokes?" I question a load.

"What do I smoke?" I hear Samuel's voice, and I snap up.

 _Lie_

"Uh…" My mouth goes dry. I stare at him wide eyed.

"So you went through my things?" he asks me. My face burns hot. I nod, swallow hard, wondering how he would react.

"Okay." He says shrugging, handing me my glass of water I asked for. I take it slowly.

"You're not angry I went through your things?" I ask.

"No. I have nothing to hide in here." He says. "This isn't my actual office. Just a study."

"Then where is your actual office?" I ask.

"My Warehouse…" He replies.

"Your… warehouse?" I question.

"I am arms dealer. Of course I have a warehouse." He leans in and shuts the drawer. I don't dare look at the drawer again. "And That is where I spend most of my time when i'm working." He says. I feel him stand over me, his hands tightly grasp the back of his leather chair. I can feel the strong grip because of how still the chair is. I stiffen upright. He is close to me. He leans down next to my ear. I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. My breath hitches. He turns to whisper in my ear.

He is close, and my heart races for a moment.

 _Was he going to kiss me?_

For a second, I hope so. I hope he kisses my ear.

"I should take you sometime." He whispers, standing up straight again. I raise an eyebrow.

 _What the hell was that? Why did he do that?_

I remember when you use to do that to me Alucard. Leave me wondering what you did, make my heart race with just simple words and movements. I was such a fool then.

"Hm, well since I am buying weapons from you, it would be appropriate to see your arsenal." I clasps my hands together. My neck is hot from his closeness.

"Of course. How about tomorrow?" He suggests.

I think about my plans tomorrow. "Well, as long as it's not too late."

He takes his hands away from his chair. I almost frown. "Of course, you work during the night, I wouldn't disrupt that." He smiles, walking in front of the desk.

I peer at him. "Sure you wouldn't." I say sarcastically. "It's not like you've gotten me drunk at 2 in the morning." I roll my eyes.

He smirks at me. "You seemed to enjoy it." he says, giving me a small wink.

I almost want smack him. He was giving me the same smirk that you use too. Smiling at me, with confidence and teeth. I let out a sigh. "You're right, I did." I speak in a calm tone, making sure I didn't seem to be bothered."I like to have a drink every now and again, is that so bad?" I smirk back at him.

"Well, it's too early for a drink i'm afraid, but a late lunch might be in order." He says. "So if you want a drink, you'll have to stay." He leans in, a big, teasing grin is plastered on his face.

I peer at him. "What are you getting at?" I ask.

"I'm saying get drunk with me, Integra."

"What a gentlemen, asking me to be vulnerable late at night, not in my right mind." I raise my eyebrow. "You are not making this easy on me." I start to lean myself, closer. And so does he. I can smell his breath. It smelled of cigars and coffee.  
"Well, if I didn't know any better, i'd say you like being vulnerable, Integra." He says, looking into my eyes with heavy lids. The dark circles underneath his eyes give him an almost pitiful look. His eyes speak an untold sorrow, and I am drawn to them. Icy blue orbs, staring into my own. They looked like the world in his eyes. _They are beautiful._ Now, he is close. To my lips, they tingle as he approaches. I feel as if we are magnets. I want to beg, I want to pant, I want him to pull me into his arms and ravish me. I want him to treat me as you did. I wonder how he would compare to you, I wonder if my nerves have changed, I wonder if he is skilled.

"Maybe." I swallow, "Maybe you're right." I say breathlessly. He chuckles.

"Good, because you're cute when you are out of your element." He leans in fully and kisses me. I gasp. Even though I wanted it, I did not expect it. His lips are warm and soft, his facial hair is rough against my upper lip and chin. I can smell his aftershave and his skin. He smells sweet, like honey. I start to move forward trying to climb on top of his desk so he could grab me. But he does not let me, his hands caresses my shoulders. I lightly whimper. I want more. But he sadly ends the kiss and pulls away. I slowly open my eyes.

He looks at me. His eyes soft, and his face kind and pleasant. "You're a good kisser." he compliments. My face turns red.

"Your funny." I say. He chuckles at me.

"I'm serious." He smiles, he sits on his desk, taking my hand. "You're lips are soft, and gentle."

I turn my head away from him, embarrassed. Weird, I never felt embarrassed with you. Is that a bad or good thing?

"I'm sorry, Integra." he says letting go of my hand. I didn't want him too. "Did I go too far?" he ask.

"No." I look back at him. "I liked it. Your lips… are, experienced."

He laughs.

"Excuse me?" I peer at him.

"My apologies." he pauses. "I just never heard that before. It's a wonderful compliment." He gives my a cheery grin.

"Well." I say, confidently leaning back in his chair, crossing my arm. "I'm glad you thought of my praise worthy of a laugh." I give him a half smile.

He shrugs in a playful manner. "You'll have to excuse my behavior, I have not been kissed in 4 years."

I rise my eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yes of course." he confirms.

"Not even a lonely girl?" I ask.

"Unfortunately no." He answers.

"I see, it's hard to believe. A confident man such as yourself, being alone, I am sure there are plenty of gorgeous women who would love to make you happy." I say.

"It's that I never got offered." he chuckles. "I just never had any desire until recently."

"So that why you kissed me? To rid yourself of desire?" I ask.

"No, it further my desire." He looks me dead in the eye.

"I am afraid, you'll have to fight if you want to go any further."

"That is a battle I am willing to fight." He says, winking at me.

There was a moment of silence that fell between us. You just stared at each other. I wonder for a moment how angry you'd be with me if I told you I kissed him. I wonder, Alucard, if you know I kissed him. I wonder if you could feel it. Ever since we bonded, that night I drank from your chest, and you my wrist. I wonder if it stings to know I am moving on.

"Didn't you say something about lunch?" I ask, breaking the silence.

"Right!" He snaps his finger. He gets up from his desk and stops at his office door. "Come, my friend." He gastures me to follow, and I do. I follow close behind him. I wonder where he is taking me. We go outside. To his tore up garden. He takes me to a small stone table, painted white, it was chipped.

"Take a seat." He says pulling out a chair for me. I sit, crossing my legs and arms. "I will be right back." He leaves. Leaving me to myself. I look at his garden. It's nothing but dirt and dead shrubbery. I wonder for a moment what kinds of plants he will be replacing the dirt with. After a few minutes. He comes back, taking a seat in front of me.

"Where did you go?" I ask.

"To set up our lunch." he say. "I hope your in the mood for soup." he says, giving me a half smile.

"That's fine." I say.

"I am sorry for the less than presentable garden." he apologies to me.

"I assure you it is quite all right, Samuel." I smile. "Just make sure you show me the finished product."

"Oh, of course." he winks at me.

I chuckle at him. "So.. what kind of flowers were you planning to use?" I ask, making small talk.

"I don't know. I am not good with that sort of thing." He admits. "Now designing weapons is where my specialty lies."

"I would like to see how well you are at your speciality." I say.

"Is that a challenge?" He asks.

"Take it as you will." I state. This time, I gave him a wink. He grins.

"Then I say challenge accepted."

After that, our lunch was brought. It wasn't anything heavy, but it was very delightful. We continued to talk for sometime. I could talk to him for hours, he was the only true friend I have had, besides you.

"Samuel." I state finishing up my meal. I notice that the sun is low in the sky. "I must get going soon."

He frowns. "Please don't go." He says. Taking my hand again. "I am having such a nice time. And didn't I promise you a drink?"

I sigh, taking back my hand. "Well. I am afraid, I must get back to my mansion. I have a job to do."

"I see." he leans back in his chair. I notice he is a bit upset, and for some reason. I do not wish to watch him be upset.

"Well…" I say, looking away. "Why don't you come with me?" I suggest.

His eyes go wide. "Really?" He says, almost excited. It was quite cute if I am being honest.

"Sure." I say, with a smile and a shrug. It might not have been the best idea, but I do not want to say goodbye, not yet, not when the night was young.

"How wonderful." he smiles. "You're wonderful."

I blush slightly. He grins even wider, I know he sees it. His smile has grown on me. And all the similarities between your smiles disappears, all the memories of you grinning as I climax underneath you being erased by his warm, bright smile. I am glad, I feel relief over take me in car ride back to my mansion.

 _Finally._

 _I think I found someone who has bested you. My servant..._


	3. Guilt

As we drive back to my mansion, I feel a twinge of guilt. _It's you._ Everytime I am near you, I feel your feelings. And you wonder why I have gotten so distant in recent years. I knew I should have never drank from you. Your blood intertwined in my bones. Forever. Even after death, you will still linger on inside of me. I wonder, if i will burn in hell, I wonder if my soul is forever tainted by you.

It was about this morning wasn't it? When I scolded you for being my office? I sigh internally looking out the car window. I should apologize.

"Integra?" Samuel questions. I look at him, blinking. "Are you all right?" he continues.

"Yes, i'm adequate." I say, turning back to the window. He puts his hand on my thigh. He rubs up and down, giving it a squeeze ever so slightly. I do not object. In fact, I quite like it. I like the warm feeling of his flesh on my leg. So I indulge myself and him more. I open my legs, giving him better advantage. He knows what I am doing, and he rewards me with hand going further up my thigh, but he does not dare try and touch my sacred place. Instead, we enjoy each other's affection. I feel so _good._ I have not been touched in so long, that I want to recede into Samuel's lap. But I fight the urge.

Once we arrive at my mansion. The overwhelming sense of guilt takes ahold of my chest. There you are again, peaking your ugly head in my life, just to remind me we existed together at one point in time.

 _I really should apologize._

I take Samuel to my din. Trying to get the thought of you out of my head, I shut the door behind him and I. I immediately kiss his lips, He gasps, stumbling back a couple of steps, but he accepts my kiss. He wraps his arms around my waist. I shove him onto the couch, and continue to kiss him. He manages to say my name. He body is hard, and buff. _He does have muscles._ I wonder if he works out for a brief moment, before he turns me over underneath him. His rough hands glide over my breast. I whimper into his mouth, as he opens it with his tongue. I wrap my legs around his torso, and start to grind upwards. I feel him get hard between my legs. Electricity runs through my body, I moan softly.

He starts to grind into me as well. All the guilt I felt earlier now gone, as his body collides with mine in passion. I undo his suit jacket and shirt, letting my hands feel his muscles. They are hard, but soft, as human flesh often is, nothing like you. You were hard all the way through, and your skin was cold.

 _No, This isn't about you._

My hands continue to explore his body, to his belt, I start to undo it before he stops, grabbing both of my hands, He tells me no. I frown. 'Why?' I mouth.

He shakes his head. "No, Integra. I'm sorry." he gets off of me. "I think we should stop." He says while buttoning himself back up again.

 _There he goes again. Why does he do that?_

"But Why?" I ask.

"We have only know each other for a few weeks, and while I do find you very attractive. I do not want things to move too fast." He explains.

I move away, and stretch the back of my head. My cheek red. "I guess you're right." I admit. "I'm sorry for-"

He cuts me off with a wave his hand. "It's all right." he smiles at me. Then takes his hand a places it on my cheek. "You know, I've thought about you." he leans in closer, kissing my ear. "Lots and lots about you, Integra."

A shiver runs down my spine.

 _Don't stop, Samuel._

"Have you?" I ask. "Have you thought lots and lots about me?" I chuckle.

"Yes. You wicked, wicked, temptress." He says in my ear. "I find it hard to resist." H kisses my ear again.

"You know what Jesus Christ says to the men who cannot advert their eyes?"

"What is that?"

I chuckle and say. "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to stumble, **gouge it out** and throw it away. Matthew 5:27."

He begins to laugh hardly, letting go of my cheek, and pulling away from my ear. "You literally just attacked me." his eyes tears up with laughter. "I think someone is feeling rejected."

I peer at him. He notices. His grin gets bigger as his laughter subsides. "Did I strike a nerve?" he asks, raising an eyebrow.

I almost groan, I cross my arms. "Maybe." I said calmly.

"I'll take that as a yes." he says.

I roll my eyes, but give him a small smile. If it was anyone but him, I would have cast them out. But for some reason, he was different. He wasn't you. He was human. He was not damned.

"I told you, you aren't making this easy on me."

"I could say the same thing for you, little lady." He nods at me. I feel a slight twinge in my brow upon. Did he just call me ' _Little Lady.'_

"What did you just call me?" I start to stand up slowly, I start to tower over him. My eyes peering at him, like an animal, stalking its prey.

His eyes go wide, once he realizes he as done something wrong. "I uh… Integra… I meant it in the best ways" He stutters. "Like- Like Like- a term of endearment!" he nods and snaps his fingers, like he has gotten himself out of trouble.

"Not good enough!" I shout. He jumps at my voice.

 _I got him now._

"You know what happens to those who dare insult me in my house?" I raise my eyebrow

He shakes his head.

"They get…" I trail off, my eyes with heavy lids as I lean down and kiss him again. He relaxes, and I feel him chuckle against my lips. I smile. Knowing I had gotten to him. I sit in his lap. I am on top of him now. I am in charge now. _He is mine._

My hands run through his thick, black, curly hair. It's corse, not like yours. His hair is of a man. My hands keep traveling all over him once more. He does not object, but he does not touch me either. I furrow my brow.

I pull away. "You know, idle hands are the work of the devil." I say.

"And I said I wanted to take things slow." He replies.

"But you are letting me touch and kiss you." I point out.

"I wasn't going to let you get that far." He says.

"Oh really?" I say. A smirk on my face. My hands snake up his button up, fiddling with one of his buttons.  
He removes my hand. "Play nice." He warns.

"What are you going to do about it?" I again grab one of his buttons. He removes it again, then I go in for the kill once more. He stops me before I could reach it.

"Ms. Hellsing, you aren't making this easy on me." He say, in a concern tone. I smirk at him.

"I didn't get to where I am because I made it easy on people." I state. Sitting up, I cross my arms.

He laughs. "I wouldn't expect anything less from you, Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing." He says my full name slowly. "Please, make it as hard on me as you want. I enjoy a challenge. Just don't expect me to make it easy for you, either." He quirks his eyebrows.

"That's fine." I give him a half smile.

I remove myself from his lap. The fun was over for now. I am admittedly a bit sad that it was over. I want to touch him more. But I must resist. I keep my hands in my lap. Avoiding his gaze, knowing if he were to look into my eyes, I would I not have the self control to contain myself. I remember when I couldn't contain myself around you. I use to jump into your arms after missions, and how I would lock us in my office, making sure to be quiet as to not alarm Walter or the guards. I remember all of the times you would lay me down on your coat and place your tongue between my legs.

But now, I want him to lay me down on his coat while we do undecent and ungodly things. I want to replace all of the memories we have together, and if he asks, I will tell him he is the only one I have been with, he does not need to know of you, and what you have done to my body.

 _I'm sorry._

He and I stay in each other's company through the night. Until the early morning hours. We didn't talk anything of substance. Just our ramblings. Oddly enough I enjoy hollow conversations with him. I just like to talking to him.

"Integra, I must go." he says, I frown a little bit. I don't want him to go.

He notices my frown, and says. "You'll see me to tomorrow." He gives me a reassuring smile. I say nothing, but give him a small smile back, I look into his blue orbs. How beautiful they are.

I walk him down the hall, he has his arm around me, so tightly. Like he was claiming me as his. It makes me feel good, to have his arms around me.

"I had a nice time. Integra." He says as we approach the door at the end of the hall.

"So did I." I tell him. "So I will see you tomorrow?" I ask.

"Yes, 12:30 pm sharp." He tells me.

"Very good." I nod. I pat him on the shoulder. And bid him good night. He does the same, and he takes his leave.

Something was missing from that goodbye. It felt so incomplete.

 _A kiss._

I shake my head, trying to supress the thought. Take things slow. I can do that. I think.

I sigh to myself again. I walk to my bedroom, I get ready for sleep, But there is something that stops me. _You._

Earlier, I had lost my temper. When you were watching over me. I cannot rest until I rid myself of the guilt. You didn't deserve that. You are just a curious puppy and I am the vicious master. I make my way down to your chambers. There you are. Sleeping peacefully. You look so at peace with your eyes closed. The devil at rest is such a beautiful sight. I am nervous as I approach you. I wonder if I wake you, would you be able to smell him? Would you be able to know I kissed him while I straddled his lap? My breath shakes as I place my hand on your shoulder.

"Alucard." I say, my eyes wide, I step back as you wake. My hands behind my back. I watch your eyes open slowly.

"Yes, my master." You say. I notice there are bags underneath your eyes. I wonder if you had a bad dream, or pleasant memories.

"I'm sorry." I say, spitting it out as quick as I can

"Master what for?" You say. I almost sneer at you. I keep myself collected, even though I am dreadfully nervous.

"For… Earlier, I shouldn't have lost my temper on you." I clarify.

You raise your eyebrow, but then I see it click on your face. You begin to laugh.

 _How dare you!_

I see you notice the look of frustration on my face.

"Excuse me, my master, I did not mean to make a mockery of your apology." You say, giving me the smallest of grins. I relax.

"Why do you laugh then, my servant?" I ask, quirking up my eyebrow.

"Because I am your servant, my feelings don't matter in the end. I am yours to use." I see your grin grow wider. I almost feel bad. You are more than just a dog Alucard. So much more than that.

"Yes they do, what master would I be if I didn't care for my servants?" I explain I slip my hand out of my glove, I take my hand and gently stroke your cheek. Your skin is smooth, and cool to the touch. It is made of wax. I like it.  
"Do you like that?" I ask. you nod.  
"Oh master." youpurr. You pull me close, but I resist. "No, Alucard." I say, pulling away. But you don't let go.

I start to panic. Not like this, my servant. You cannot have me like this. You can never have me again…

 _I'm sorry._

" _Enough Alucard!"_ I scold you.

You let go this time, Although, as much as I was pulling away, I did not want you to let go, But I know it is for the best if you do. I hear you whimper, and you look at me with soft eyes. I sigh.  
"I think I indulged you too much." I take my hand back, "I shouldn't tease you like that." I shake my head.

"Anyway…" I quickly change the subject. "I'll be gone most of tomorrow on business." I tell you.

"Business of what kind?" You ask.

 _It's him._

"That's my concern." I state firmly.

I see the look of annoyance on your face, it does not fit you well. "Are you sure you do not need my assistance?" You ask.

"I am sure." I nod at you. "I will be safe, if I need you i'll call you." I say as I turn away from you, you hold your hand up. "Behave servant." I say to you before leaving. I did not want to spend anymore time in your presence. Although I have a apologized for my actions. I still feel guilt. I still feel as if I have done wrong by you. That I have betrayed you.

Because I have… I have broken the bond between the human and the vampire. I have kissed another man. And that other man has my heart within his hands. I have been unfaithful.

But, I want to be unfaithful, no matter how much it kills me to hurt you. I must hurt you. I must never be with you again. Even if it hurts us both. 

_To be continued..._


	4. Just a dream

**_Authors note:_** ** _I am going to go dark for a bit do to lack of internet! But here is a chapter for the time being!_**

I sat by the window out looking the courtyard. It was raining, and I wrapped myself by in a thick white comforter from my room. I had undressed myself previously before coming into the attic, awaiting your presences. I had no plans for this afternoon, expect to be with you. I had sent Walter out to run errands. He wouldn't be back for several hours, I made sure to make my directions as convoluted as possible as to expand the time we had to spend together. I was so excited to spend any free time I had with you. My breath hitches as I hear your footsteps, I hear you stop behind me.

"You called, my master." You purr. Placing your hands on my shoulder.

I do not turn to see, I just keep staring out the attic window.

"It's raining." I said.

"I see that." You replied. "So, why have you called me up here? It is not nighttime." You state.

"I missed you last night." I keep staring out the window. I lean into you, I place my hands on your jaw, and turn my head and look upward, I kiss you on your kiss. You shut your eyes, and I hear a small moan escape you. I return to lean back into you, going back to look out the window.

"Master, your naked." You say in my ear, "Is there any particular reason why?" You ask.

"I don't know." I say, with a small smirk. "I suppose I was missing an orgasm from my nightly regimen, I guess my routine is all screwed up, my servant."

"My apologies, my master." You chuckle at me. "If I would have known, I would have been happy to satiate you." You purr. I shiver, and I sigh happily.

"Don't keep a woman waiting." I playfully scold you. I feel your cool fingertips slip off the comforter from my slender body. I was now exposed, I was now vulnerable to you. You pick me up, carrying me to the old mattress. The mattress that we had spent so many nights in each other's arms. You lay me down gently, I close my eyes, awaiting for the pleasure to begin. Your hands grab my breasts and squeeze, I yip in excitement. You stand on your knees, stradling my waist. Your hands begin to massage my breasts, and my breath hitches, your hands finesse them as gently as possible. You knew I was sensitive, and going to hard would cause discomfort. But for some reason, I wonder if it would feel good if I felt a bit of pain. So I tell you to squeeze. You give me a curious look, but you do as you are told. And I feel pain, but, pleasure as well. I feel as if my body is being electrocuted in such a good way. I shake and tremble underneath you. I chirp in delight as your hands massage and squeeze harder.

"Alucard! Bite!" I command. You lean down above my chest, your teeth grazing against my nipple. My mouth open, as my breath shakes. I feel as if you are going too gentle.

"Harder!" I manage to demand between my moans. You continue, I can feel you are trying to hold back, but you do not break the skin. I pant, and heave, and I feel the blood from my heart rushing to my cunt. And I feel it pulse and wetten. I rub my legs together, I become hot, my brow sweating. I feel my mind break.

 _Am I going to achieve orgasm from just my breasts being touched?_

"Ah! Ah!" I pant, my breath hot as I finish. My body dissolving underneath his hands. My throat hurts from all the panting. You stare into my hazy eyes. A smile on your face.

"Alucard." I manage to get out.

"Yeah?" You say in a lowly tone.

"I- I want more."

I see your sweet smile turn into a mischievous grin. "Is that so?" You tilt your head.

"Yes.." I continue, "I want more." I lean to kiss your cold lips. Your arms snake up behind my back pulling me close, you kiss my neck and cheek. My hands tangled in your hair, it feels like black silk between her finger. I kiss your cheek and jaw, our bodies so close. We continue to kiss, I feel the tip of your on my lips, and tremble.

I pull away to speak.

"Alucard, take off your clothes." I command.

"Yes, my master." You say, sitting up, you take off your jacket and shirt, you start to take off your boots and pants slowly, teasing me with you form. Your body is that of a slender angel. Strange I compare you to an angel. But I suppose it is the purpose of the vampire to be attractive to the human. To lure them in, to seduce them. You do your job well servant. I swallow hard as you return to your place on top of me. We return to what we once were. Your cold lips cooling down my sweating body. Your hand traveling down, and your fingers dancing between my legs, I gasp. My legs opening almost automatically. My body coiling around you. I moan, and sigh. My chest heaving up and down. My hand traveling down to your manhood. I grasp it firmly, moving my hand up and down. I hear your voice gitch and your eyes flutter. I smirk, I love making you feel good my servant.

"Oh Master.." You nudge your face into my neck. I feel your body shake. I feel your fingers slow down as you are consumed by pleasure. I do not mind. Pleasure begets pleasure.

I hear your become so quiet and small as it quakes in delight from my hand. I move my hand faster, your arms wrap around me tightly, I can feel you are close. My heart races with anticipation. Wondering when are going to cum.

"Master.." I hear you growl. "Master!" You pant hard before you become undone into my hand. You fall on top of me. I pet the back of your head, kissing your cheek.

"Thank you." You tell me.

I fluster. "You don't have to say thank you." I say,continuing to rub the back of your head and neck.

"Yes, Yes I do. Integra, you don't know how much it means to me you think of me worthy of pleasing and satisfying."

My mouth drops open. "Why wouldn't I? You and I are equals. Do you think I wouldn't have bonded with you if I did not find you worthy?" I raise an eyebrow.

You chuckle softly. "You are silly." You tell me.

"I'm not silly." I swat the back of your neck softly. "You insult me."

"I am sorry master," You kiss my cheek softly. "You're not silly. Just misguided." I feel you grin against my cheek.

I scoff at you. "And you continue!" I roll my eyes. But I grin back at you. I lean to kiss you.

Hm, Equals… I like being equals with you. And when I die, we will be true equals. I like the sound of that. So much so, I start to kiss you again, You kiss me hard back, the power behind your kiss makes me feel vulnerable, but I like it. Your fingers dance in between my legs again. I melt into the mattress, my fingernails digging into the fabric. My mouth calling your name over and over.

I cum. I climax at your will. I shut my eyes. My surroundings simply disappear. Was it the pleasure? No…

It was dream…

I open my eyes, realizing I was in my room, staring at the ceiling. My finger nails embedded in my mattress.

 _Thank god it was just a dream…_

 _To be continued._


	5. Business, then pleasure

**_Author's note: Sorry for not updating in so long! I did not have internet, but should be back to posting once a week now! Anyway enjoy!_**

"Samuel, is this business? Or is this pleasure?" I ask him, turning my head to face him. He does not turn to face me. He keeps walking, staring forward. The heels of our shoes echoing as we make it down the stone ramp.

"Business now, pleasure later." He answers simply.

"Fair enough." I reply. "So your arsenal is underground, That is very clever, considering how many people want what you have."

He laughs, "Mostly my brother!"

"Your brother?" I question.

"Yes, I have an older brother, and a younger sister." He continues. "Both of them mooch off my wealth." He says, in an almost bitter tone. "You see, when my mother died, my father left me and my siblings. Neither one of them wanted to be his successor until they saw the money involved. I warn them against it, I still give them a cut of the family wealth to keep them away from the danger that this positions holds. Having security guards follow them wherever they go gets quite expensive. But it is worth it if it keeps them safe."

I nod. "What are their names?" I ask.

"Jacks Zimmerman, and Eartha Zimmerman." he says. I raise an eyebrow.

"Zimmerman? I thought your last name was Damere."

He rubs his chin in thought for a moment as he takes me down a small corridor to a small cramped office. It was filled with unfiled papers and old ash trashes filled with cigarettes. I oddly admire it, it reminded me of how my father use to keep his office.

 _So, this was his real office huh?_

"Well, 'Damere' is made up for security purposes." He explains to me. "My real name is Zimmerman."

"Samuel Leigh Zimmerman?"

"Correct." He nods. "It's Jewish." He adds.

"You're Jewish?" I question, surprised.

He gives me a hardy chuckle. "No, I was when I was a little boy, all of my father's side was Jewish."

"I see." I look away, a bit ashamed I sounded so shocked at this revelation.

"I left when I turned 18, and became Christian when I met my wife." He takes the chair behind his cluttered desk, he offers it to me.

 _Hm?_

"Please take a seat." He says. I eye the chair questionably.

"And I am sorry for the mess… I have a lot of filing to do." He scratches the back of his and gives me a soft chuckle. I notice a small blush on his cheek bones. The corners of my mouth start to curve upward.

"Well, with an office like this, I wouldn't expect anything than less than to be offered the seat behind the desk." I stiff up my lip exaggeratingly, I cross my arms, my smirk finally showing through. He smiles back at me. My face softens. I take a seat, I scoot in.

I sit tall at his desk, His chair is made of hardwood, and his desk is small. I wonder if he is uncomfortable as I am sitting in this chair.

"You look so good behind a desk." He kneels besides me, his elbows on my knees. I want to laugh but I don't.

"I thought this was for business first?" I question coldly. "If you brought me here strictly for pleasure, you should have been honest." I say sternly, not looking at him.

"Well I-" He starts to speak, but I cut him off.

"- Well _I am_ surly offended. You bring me here, take me to your office, down a small hallway away from everyone, and let me sit in your chair? Well I must say, it quite pathetic of you to do such things in hopes to impress me with how much of a gentlemen you are." I scoff. Hoping he'd take the bait. I eagerly await his response.

He chuckles, closing his eyes as he stands up, "Well _Miss Hellsing_ , do not mistake me for those so pathetic. I brought you here for business, then _pleasure_. But that is up to you, my Hellsing." he pulls out a cigar from his breast pocket. "Because I can give you all pleasure if you wish." he grins, and gives me a wink.

I squint at him. "Business. First." I stand, our faces close. "So Are you going to show this 'business' you speak of?"

"All right." he shrugs, a cigar hanging from his mouth. "Well, can I show you something?" He asks.

"Depends." I sit back down. His belt very close to my face. I do not move. I steal a glance. I hope he does catch me staring.

He chuckles loudly again.

 _He noticed._

"Well!" He snaps his finger, then took the cigar out of his mouth. He then started to pull something out of his ears. Hm? Did he have hearing aids? He took two, small, black, ear shaped devices from his ears. He cups them in his palm and holds them in front of me.

"So you have hearing aids?" I question. He shakes his head.

"No, but they could be the very thing to prevent it." he says. I raise my brow.

He leans down beside me again, laying the small devices on my lap. My thighs tingled as his fingers lightly grazed them. I swallow. Looking down at them I pick one up. I hold it close to my eye.

"What is it?" I ask.

"Hm, it is a frequency blocker." He explains. "When shooting a firearm, it blocks out the sound frequency the weapon makes when fired."

"I see." I see the tiny devices. "May I?" I extend my hand for them. He gives them to me. I take them gently, holding them up to the light to examine them. "Can I use them?" I ask.  
He smiles at me, "I thought you'd never ask. I wanted to see if you'd try them for yourself."

"Sure, do you have a shooting range?" I ask, putting down the ear plugs.

"Of course, You can use whatever firearm you so desire." He says.

I raise my eyebrow interest. "Any firearm?" I question. He nods. "Even the one clipped to your waist?"

He furrows his brow. He then grabs his gun from his waist. "This one? My .500 Smith and wesson? One of the most powerful handgun in the world, firing at 1,975 feet per second, and pull of 350."

"You're making that up, there is no such thing as a 500. Smith and Wesson." I state.

"Not yet." he gives me a subtle wink. "It is still under development. I am just using it to give feedback."

"You're in the pockets of weapon distributors?" I laugh. "I should have figured." I continue, "And when you make things like this." I hold up the tiny ear devices. "They must be very interested in you."

"Yes they are." He grins. "As long as I keep giving them what they want, I will continue to be on their payroll."

"I see." I nod. "Just how many payrolls are you on?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

"Want to find out?" He asks.

"Yes I do." I admit.

"Then you'll have to marry me first." He grins.

 _Bastard! Why does he do that?_

"Are you bribing me?" I squint at him. What was he even getting at?

"Well if you think it's worth it." He winks.

 _Bastard! bastard! Bastard!_

I almost grit my teeth. How dare he be so casual about such subjects! He notices my distress. That seems to only make him grin more.

"What is the matter, Miss Hellsing?"

 _That's it_

My nerves are set on fire.

"How dare you be so casual!" I snap at him. His eyes go wide on my voice. He then slinks over to me, bowing to me. I stiffen as he gets closer.  
 _What was he doing?_

"I apologize, Integra. That was inappropriate of me _._ " He gives me a genuine smile. I still am stiff. But I relax.

 _Damn. I wish I could stay mad at him... Like you. He's like you. I could never stay mad at you. Even at the snide comment._

 _I'm weak._

"You are forgiven." I look down at the top of his head as he is still bowing to me. His hair shines, I want to reach down at pet him. Like a good boy he apologized to me. _Just like you_.

He slowly lifts his head, and the urge to give him physical praise is gone. He now stares into my eyes.

"Shall I take you to my shooting range?" He extends his arm to me. I take his arm without a word from my lips. I take the opportunity to feel the muscles underneath his suit. They were pleasantly firm. I almost hum in satisfaction. But I stop myself. I know the consequence, I can't let him know. But for moment, I think, why should I care if he knows I find him attractive? I kissed him for Christ sake! He already knows! He knows I find him very pleasant on the eyes. Maybe it's confidence. His confidence. It scares me. Where you are a submissive lost pup, he is a lion, stalking its prey. And I am both scared and excited to be his prey. You were just a begging dog at my feet, but he coming up to me and taking his prize.

 _His prize._

He takes me to a corridor, stopping at a door, he pulls out a key card and slides it in the door. It beeps and opens. He takes me inside.

The shooting range was very well lit, and spacious. Human shaped targets lined up and hung, ready to be shot at. He unhooks his gun from his holster.

"Now, this is a very powerful gun, and I want you to be careful." He keeps the gun pointed to the ceiling. "Let me shoot it with you first."

I want to argue, but I don't. I nod and agree. I put the tiny devices he gave me in my ear. And takes out another pair from his pocket.

 _How many does he have?_

His hands caressing mine as he places the gun in my hand, and wraps his hand around mine. His grip is firm, and his hand is warm. The gun is heavy, and I can already feel the power behind it.

"Careful." he says, caressing my trigger finger. I shiver, his fingernail tickling my knuckle as he waits for me to fire.

"Ready?" he whispers taking off the safety. I shiver once more. The way his breath touched my ear sent me trembling. It felt good. But I mustn't think about that now, while a weapon is in my hand.

I narrow my eyes at the target.

I fire.

I gasp at the kick back. It was unlike any other weapon I had fired. So powerful. So strong. My go eyes wide.

I fire again. A smile on my face. He notices, and smiles with me. "You're pretty good. Now, let's see how well you are without me." He removes his hand from mine. I frown slightly. I did not want him to let go. I sigh to myself. Before relining the target. I take the shot. My hand buzzed and I dropped the gun at the kick back. I hear him gasp.

"I- I'm sorry!" I exclaim.

I see him shake his head, and pick up his gun, putting the safety on, and putting the gun back on his holster.

 _Damnit!_

Is he disappointed in me? I start to worry for a moment, but I see his smile, and I calm. "Integra," He says. "I am the one who should be sorry."

I raise an eyebrow.

"I suppose letting you have a gun that hasn't even hit the market yet because of its power is a bit foolish of me." He scratches the back of his head.

I narrow my eyes at him. "So you don't think I can handle it?"

"No." He states simply.

My mouth drops open. A little shocked he would be so honest.

"Are you saying-" I begin to say but he cuts me off.

"But with a bit more practice. I think you'll be good at it." He saves himself from my scolding.

I close my mouth. "Hm." I cross my arms. "I see."

"By the way." he pauses. "Did the ear plugs work?" I see a grin appear on his lips.

My face softens. "Of course!" I say. His grin gets wider.

"I am glad! This is wonderful Integra! I'll have to make more." He rubs his chin. "Now, what shall we do next?" he asks.

I think for a moment.

"Pleasure."


	6. Something new

**Author's note: Sorry for the late update! and I promise the next chapter will have more Alucard! Also** ** _TW: drug use_**

He's on top of me. I feel his hands go up and down my thighs as I moan softly, and pathetically against his lips. I had forgotten what it was like to be touched in such a manner. His calluses scraping against my pant. I wonder what his hands bare against my thighs would feel like.

I don't know how this happened. All I remember is driving back to his mansion and him pushing me down onto the couch in the din after getting us wine. He locked the door behind us.

 _Oh god what am I doing?_

His hands unbuttons my suit jacket, my breathing increases rapidly. My heart feels as if it going to explode.

I remember when you use do spontaneous things like pushing yourself on top of me. I was powerless to you. You use make me make all sorts of noises. Noises that I didn't even know existed.

I shut my eyes. His lips move to my throat. His lips feel like yours. My heart flutters, and my palms sweat.

"Al.." I pant, "Alu.."

He stops, and lifts his head from my throat, I open my eyes. I notice his puzzling look. I start to panic. If he knew we use to be lovers, then it would be over. He'd never speak with me again. I have betrayed him. I have had thoughts of another man. I give him a worrying look. But he smiles.

 _Huh?_

He begins chuckle softly. "Oh dear, I must have gotten you really going to make those sorts of sounds." He chuckles a bit loader.

I relax. I am safe.

He continues to kiss me softly.

 _No._

I can't let him kiss me. I can't think about you again. Guilt hits me. How dare I do this him, how _dare_ you make me think of you when I am kissing him! _You bastard!_

I kiss him harder just to spite you. His lips open and his tongue enter my mouth without warning. I love it. I love the way he feels compared to you. He warm, and his flesh is hot. I feel hot, and I embrace him as our bodies melt into each others. Our hands explore each other's bodies. I love how his pulse feels as my hands rub his chest. I hear him whimper. His voice is like honey to my ear. I wonder how I feel to him as I let him toy with my body. He begins to play with my belt buckle.

 _Oh god, he's going to take off my pants. He's going to fuck me._

"No!" I yelp, pushing his chest hard, he stumbles back, his arm knocking off over the glasses of wine on the table. The glass rolls and falls on my pants. He stands up quickly.

"I'm sorry!" He exclaims. Taking a napkin and trying to clean up my pants. His hands frantic and his face full of embarrassment and worry.

"No, stop Samuel!" I exclaim. Sitting up on the sofa. He stops, his brow furrows. I saw the shame on his face. I can not help but feel bad. Maybe If I didn't push this wouldn't have happened.

"I'm sorry Samuel I just-"

"Integra, you're fine. It's my fault. I shouldn't have been so forward." He hangs his head slightly. "I am sorry."

My eyes soften. He looks so pitiful. I have never seen him so… defeated. My hand reaches for his shoulder, It's firm, and I notice he is not wearing any shoulder pads.

 _So his shoulders are naturally that broad huh?_

"No, It's fine, I suppose we both got a little carried away." I stated, still rubbing his shoulder. His hand takes mine. He blinks before speaking.

"I suppose we did. Maybe we should slow down." He turns his head to me and smiles. I smile back.

"I think that would be for the best."

He nods at my statement in approval. I sigh in relief.

"Well now that we are in agreement. Can we figure out what to do about my pant situation?" I say, taking my hand off his shoulder.

His eyes widen and he snaps his fingers. "Right!" He stands up quickly. "Come with me." He gestures, I stand up. I follow him down the hallway, an up a staircase.

 _Are we going up to his room?_

 _I hope not, I do not need the temptation._

 __What? What am I saying? I'll just chicken out again!

"I still have some of my late wife's clothing. She was about your size." He comments. I swallow hard. _Victoria._

It feels strange knowing another woman had his heart, his body, his bed, way before I did. For a brief moment, I wonder what she was like. She looked pleasant enough from the picture. I bet she was wonderful.

He takes me to his room. As he opens the door, his natural musk became noticeable. His natural scent was thick and heavy. The smell of a man without any cologne. It was overpowering.

His bed wasn't made, and there were clothes everywhere. Coffee mugs strung about, papers carelessly placed on his bed and floor. I raise my eyebrow. He's messy.

"My, My, does your staff know your room looks like this?" I ask.

He waves me off. "I'm never here, and I don't like people touching my things." He explains.

"I see." I narrow my eyes.

"And I suppose I find comfort in disorder." He adds.

"Hm?"

"I find comfort in clutter." He says in a clearer tone.

"I never pegged you as the type." I say. "You always seemed so organized."

"Maybe on the outside." He says in a quiet tone. I look at him curiously. His body tense. He eyes look at me with a certain suspicion.

"Anyway, I'll be right back." He says quickly, slipping into his closet, he shuts the door behind him. That was strange. He never acted on guard like this around me. I cross my arms. Moments later, he comes out with a pleated, light blue, ankle length skirt. LIke the ones I use to wear when I was a young girl. My eyes soften. I have not worn a skirt like that in years. Although I shiver, realizing his wife use to wear it.

 _What am I supposed to do? Walk around in wine soaked pants?_

I sigh in internally before taking them from his hands. "Thank you, Samuel." I say.

He nods, "You are most welcome." He smiles. I notice his body isn't tense anymore. That puts me at ease as well.

"I'll be outside the room if you need me." He says, before turning around and leaving his room, shutting the door behind them. I slump my shoulders, frowning at my wet pants.

 _Oh damn, I am going to get naked in his bedroom, without him._

I slowing take off my shoes, and undo my belt buckle. Then I slowly take off my pants, I feel weird being half naked in his room. This feels like it is too early in our courtship to be doing this.

 _What the hell am I talking about? He was on top of me not even ten minutes ago!_

I shake my head, and put on the skirt. There, It fits. It came up to my bellybutton, and had a string in the back. I didn't bother tighten it, it was already tight enough.

 _His wife was skinnier than me._

I shake my head again. That shouldn't matter. He had his hands all over me. A size up wouldn't be a deal.

 _Why am I being so sensitive?_

I shake my head once more, I stand up straight, and flatten the skirt. I look around the room, before I walk to the door. My hand reaching for the door knob, but something inside of me stops me from from opening the door.

My eyes wander around the room. I suppose I could look around. I quietly step away from the door. I then slowly pace around the room. I pick up on of the glass mugs off the floor. There use to be coffee in the mug. It smelled of stale hazelnuts. I grimace in disgust. I set it down.

I then approach his nightstand. There lay a picture of Samuel, next to a blonde man, they were close to the same height. I raise my brow. I wonder for a moment who the man next to him was. A friend? A brother? Business partner? Or perhaps all three. I remember him mentioning he had a brother. But the man in the picture, looked nothing like samuel. I open the nightstand drawn. What I saw, made me drop my mouth open in shock.

 _A joint?_

I look at it puzzlingly. I gently pick it up, examining it. It smells of sticky pine.

"What are you doing?" I hear a voice coming from behind me. I yip, nearly dropping the joint, but I keep it in my fist, and hide it behind my back.

"Samuel! You can't just walk in here! I could have been naked!" I exclaim.

"I'll take my chances." He says smoothly, making his way to me, I tense. He furrows his brow at me suspiciously.

"What do you have behind your back?" He asks, crossing his arms. My mouth opens but no words escape my lips, my mouth goes dry. I try to find words to say to him. My forehead sweats.

"Come on." He says. "Let me have it." He holds out his hand. I look at his hand, then back at his face.

 _Oh no… I have been caught._

I slowly move my fist in front of me, opening it.

"I found this." I say in a cool tone.

"Ah, so you were snooping yeah?" He asks.

"I… uh…" My mouth goes dry again.

He chuckles. "So you found my other stash."

"Yes."

"Does it bother you?" He asks, leaning on his right side.

"No. I intoxicate myself on alcohol, how is that any different, we all find ways to disorant ourselves from time to time." I explain. His laugh comforts me.

"I see." he takes the joint from my hand. "So… Do you want to try it?"

I gasp.

 _Did he really just ask me that?_

"I never…" I trial off, looking at the small joint in between his finger tips. He sits on the bed. Pulling out a lighter, before I even had a chance to give a real answer. Was he trying to peer pressure me? I narrow my eyes.

"You know, I thought you were above subtle peer pressure." I say, in a flat tone.

"I will not pressure you. But that will not stop me from indulging in it myself." He answers me. My eyes widened.

I take a step back. "When I said pleasure, this isn't what I had in mind."  
"I tried to. You knocked wine all over your pants." He lights the joint and takes a drag. I saw I small grin on his lips. I groan in anger.

"Damnit!" I sit next to him. "Give me that!" I hold out my hand.

His eyes go wide in shock. "Integra…" He gives me a sheepish look.

"Give it!" I demand. He sighs and hands it over.

I put the joint between my lips, and I inhale. I immediately cough like crazy. He takes the joint away, and pats my back.

"Integra, it is not the same as a cigar." he explains. I continue to cough.

I pound my chest with my fist, and I slowly settle.

"So, when will it take effect?" I ask. I see him begin to laugh. I scoff.

"Well, you barely inhaled." He says. "If you want to try again, you can."

I take it from him. And I inhale once more, this time it enters my lungs. It still feels strange, but not as bad as before. I make sure I take the longest drag I can without coughing. Once I pull it away, I slowly exhale.

 _Woah…_

 _ **To be continued.**_


	7. The high

**_Authors note: I lied, no Alucard. But! I promise he'll be in the next_** ** _chapter_** _!_

 _Slow_

Everything was slow, and calm. Everything felt soft and smooth. Oh god, everything was so perfect. I slink onto Samuel's bed, feeling the silk sheets beneath me. I clench them tightly, playing with them between my fingertips. It feels like I am sinking into the sheets. And I am in repose.

I stare at the ceiling above me, the white color moved like a sea of white foam. I start to feel like the sheets are moving along with the ceiling. I am trapped in a sea of silk and foam. It feels like an ocean of ecstasy. I am drowning, and I am perfectly fine with that.

I feel my face start to smile. Strange, I do not feel like I am moving, like I am in control of my body. My body and my mind are fractured. Was this all real? Was I here, on Samuel's bed? Or was I somewhere else? Was I in the ocean of silk and foam?

I don't care. In this moment, nothing matters, nothing in the world. There could be a nuclear strike, and I would not care. The earth could be set in flames, and I would happily burn to death.

This feeling, I want to feel it forever.

"How do you feel?" I hear Samuel's voice. It sounds deeper, softer.

"I feel…"

"Hm?"

"I feel like I am drowning, and I think i'm okay with it." I grin, my eyes still looking at the white sea above me.

He laughs. "Well. I suppose you don't need saving if you're okay with it."

I feel my body start to move, although I am not making any effort to. My body feels as if it is being tugged in all directions by the waves upon me.

I hear Samuel's breathing. It's heavy. Like a stallion. My hand sneaks up and rubs his forearm. I feel the detail in his muscles.

 _You don't have muscles like that._

The strength I feel behind his tendons as I rub. I hum pleasantly as I hear him chuckle.

"Do I feel good?" He asks me.

"Yeah, Good." I respond. I hear him chuckle louder.

"I think you've had enough." He says, running his fingers through my hair.

 _Oh god._

I begin to whimper at his touch, his hands warm on my scalp. I grip his arm tighter. I shut my eyes, and all the sensations I feel get stronger. His fingernails are sharp, and his skin rough.

 _Oh how I love his rough skin. I wonder what it would feel like down below._

"You really like this." He says, I can almost hear him smiling. I still keep my eyes closed. I put my other hand on his shoulder, I run my fingers delicately along the nape of his neck. I love the feeling of his skin on mine. It's warm. Warmer than yours. But yours was softer, not flaws, no scratches or scars. Just a smooth marble.

But his skin, was human skin. Full of flaws, and heat. Blood pulsing under the skin. Life bursting at the seems. I can feel his heartbeat as my fingertips trace his throat. I hear him sigh happily as I touch him.

"Does that tickle?" I ask.

"No, but it feels good." he admits. His hand moving from my hair to my shoulder, his begins to massage it. I moan in response. His hands rubbing the tissue underneath my skin until the knots come out. I begin to squirm in pleasure, it has been so long since I have had my shoulders rubbed. And now that I am under the influence of drugs. It feels so much better... Everything thing feels so intense. My grip on his neck increasing as I verbally praise him.

"Oh Samuel… Don't stop…" I pant. He rubs with more pressure. "Take… Take off my clothes." I demand. I feel him stop. I open my eyes. Confused.

"Wha.. What's wrong?" I ask.  
"I am not taking off your clothes." he states.

"But why?" I sit, taking my hands off of him. My brows furrow.

"Because, It would wrong of me to take advantage of you in such a state. You are under the influence. Your mind is not your own." He answers, his voice low.

"Bu- But I consent." I say, trying to counter his argument. He narrows his eyes at me.

"That doesn't matter." He says. "It's wrong." he states sternly. I groan. I still don't understand.

"But, you were giving me a massage!"

"Yes, with your clothes on, and on your shoulders." He sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose in annoyance. I pout

He gives me a look of frustration. "Pout all you want. The answer is no."

I begin to whimper, claiming on top of him. His hands rest on my waist.

"Careful Integra." he warns. "No matter how much you tempt me, I will deny you until your high passes."

"Samuel." I pant, running my hands on his toros. "I want it." I beg in his ear.

"As sweet as your voice sounds-" He leans his head back, I hear a small pleasurable groan from his throat as my hands explore him. "Integra, no." He snaps, taking my hands away from his body.

I begin to softly pout.

"What's wrong?" I say, on the verge of tears.

"I've already explain why, Integra." His voice, stern, and almost hallow. "I think you need to go home."

My jaw drops. A tear streaming down my face. "But- But- I-" I begin to sob.

I feel his arms wrap around. "Please don't cry Integra." He whispers, his voice soft and somber. I can hear the guilt in his voice. "It is not that I am angry with you, But I feel I have been irresponsible. I shouldn't have given you that joint." he admits. "I think you should sleep this off."

I feel unloved. Unwanted, and hurt, even still. I do not answer him, But I continue to cry. All I wanted was to be touched! It's me and my stupidity. I should have never taken a puff of the joint.

"Integra?" He pats my back, running his fingers along my spine. "I'll still touch you." He says. "But It must stay appropriate."

I whimper, But I accept that it will not go any further.

"Lay down on your stomach Integra." He whispers to me. I do so.

I feel him run his hands and fingers along my back. I sigh happily. It tingles and tickles. My toes curl as he gets closer to my spine. I chirp, as my eyes roll into the back of my head. The white ocean begins to consume me once more, and my whole body gives as if it is about to fall asleep. All of my nerves firing off simultaneously. I squirm underneath him. He was in control, and I would gladly let me take me if he wanted. If he wanted to have his way, my body is his.

He moves to my shoulders, and my lashes flutter. I moan, and shiver in pleasure. My mind going wild. This was too much, I begin to twitch and shake, my nerves on fire, my muscles melting.

I am in ecstasy. If I could feel this for the rest of my life, I would be okay with that. I feel myself become hot in between my legs. I want more. I want him to touch me. I try to get him to touch my breasts by turning on my back, but he does not let me, he holds me in place with his thighs firmly.

"Do not test me Integra, you will lose." He states firmly.

"Is that a challenge?" I ask, playfully.

"No." he says deeply, his voice stern, and unmoving. I frown, and bury my face in his sheets. I take in his scent. His smell, and his touch, filling me with happiness. I forget his denial.

I am small underneath his hands. I always feel small next to him.

 _Next to you._

My body begins to relax. My mind a daze, I see stars in my vision, I shut my eyes, but they remain. Twinkling for my pleasure. The tingling in my body increased as I slowly lose a sense of my surroundings. Everything turns black.

 _ **To be continued**_


	8. Ignorant loyal dog

Everything was fuzzy, and moving. I was sitting up, somewhere, moving. I move my hands around my lap.

Leather seats… I'm in a car.

I open my eyes. My eyes slowly adjust to the darkness of the cars interior. I am in the back seat. I feel sluggish and tired. I feel hungry, and my mind is airy from my high. My body feels like it is on a cloud traveling at the speed of sound.

My hand travels to the right of me, I feel a thigh, a man's thigh.

"Glad to see you are awake Integra." I hear Samuel's voice. I turn my head to see him.

"Samuel." I say, my voice course. "Where are we going?"

"I am taking you home. It's late, and you fell asleep when I was giving a massage." He answers me, He does not look me. His eyes are on the driver.

I reach for his hand with mine, he takes it.

I am relieved.

"Oh, I don't remember falling asleep." I say in a bubbly tone. I snicker, and lean against him.

"I see you're high hasn't worn off." He states in a emotionless expression. I whimper, and frown, I put one of my hands through his beard. He hums under his breath.

I continue to touch his hair, it is smoother than it usually is. I don't know if it because I am under the influence, or if he using something different in his hair. He looks over at me, giving me a half smile.

"Does my hair feel nice?" He asks. I nod.

He looks at the driver, gesturing something I do not understand. The car slow begins to pick up speed.

"Where are we?" I ask.

"Almost home." he says. "Your home."

"Oh." I frown, and slink back over into my seat, looking out the window. The way the world moves outside of the car made it look like a river of color, everything looks as if it is bleeding together. My mouth open, and my eyes dull as I continue to stare. I hadn't realized we are back at my mansion, although I recognize the shape of it.

"Stay in the car, Integra." Samuel speaks to me. I do not look at him, I do not say anything.

I hear him get him out of the car. I blink, but do not turn my head.

I see the green of my yard blend in with the night sky. Black and green mixing together and becoming a muddy green.

I hear the door open. And I turn to see who opened it.

 _Walter?_

"Come with me Sir." he says, extending his hand out to me. I look down at his hand, then his face, then back to his hand. I take it slowly. I climb out, nearly hitting my head.

"Careful Sir." I hear Walter say. My eyes are not on Walter, My eyes are wondering for Samuel. But he is nowhere to be found.

"Walter?"

"Yes Sir."

"Where is Samuel?"

"In the house, waiting for you."

My mouth opens, but I do not speak, instead I let Walter take me in, I follow his lead. Although I think he is moving to fast, my feet stumble to try and keep up, but I am too foggy to protest. For a brief moment, I think he is going to pick me up, but he doesn't. He takes me inside my mansion. My eyes again look for my lover.

I begin to feel upset before I hear Samuel call for me.

"Integra." he addresses me. "I am terribly sorry for letting you down." he says in a soft tone, taking me hands, he looks at them.

"Me? Down?" I say, my brow furrowed. "I don't understand."

"I am so sorry." he continues, rubbing my hands. Kissing my forehead. I blink, his lips are dry.

"For?"  
"For letting this happen. It wasn't right." He explains. "Now I will call you in the morning. All right?"

I try to find words, but I can't. My mind won't let me.

I just stare at him, his eyes looking into mine.

"Okay." I say slowly.

I see him smile slightly. He gives me a kiss. "Goodnight. Integra."

"Goodnight Samuel."

Walter comes into my field of vision, assorting Samuel out. I notice the look on Walter's face. It is one of frustration, and annoyance.

 _Samuel must have told on us._

As I watch Samuel leave, I go to turn away, there is a hunger building in my stomach. I go down the hall, Looking for the kitchen. I hear Walter call for me, but I do not bother to answer him. I want to safety my hunger.

 _Was hunger a side effect?_ __

I didn't know, I knew nothing of the plant. And what I did know probably was misinformation. I continue to make my way down the hall to kitchen. But… I hear you. Your voice.

"Master?" I hear you. My back turns cold as I feel your presence.

"Yes my servant?" I turn to face you. I still keep a smile on my face. I see the look of concern on your face.

"Are you okay?" You ask. You step closer. I feel my body tingle as you get closer. I stand still.

"Yeah.." I say, "Just hungry." I see you give me a weird look.

"I think you should be in bed." You to me, crossing your arms.

I give you the same weird look in return.

"But i'm hungry." I say, curling up my eyebrow.

"You can eat when you wake up." You explain. As you speak to me, I notice how attractive you look as the light of the moon shines on the side of your face.

I smirk a little, "You are forgetting who the master is here." I say playfully.

I see your face turn from concern to teasing. _I want you to play along._

"Well, isn't my duty to look after you master?" You explain, "Your wellbeing is my priority." You bow to me, and give me a smile.

I perk up. "Then take me to bed." I sass you, putting my hands on my hips.

"Then come." You say in a low tone, I like the way it sounds.

You hold out your arms, I gladly come to you. Your arms hard and stiff, like a statue. I giggle and snuggle my forehead onto your shoulder.

I feel so strange in your arms once again, it has been two years since you have held me in your arms. It feels so nice.

You take me to my bed, and take off my shoes and socks, I lay down. I wonder has you take off my socks, if you would take off other articles of my clothing. I feel myself get excited just thinking about you touching me.

 _No. Alucard, I want Samuel._

I shut my eyes, but I hear you begin to leave. I sit up, I do not wish for you to go. I almost panic, "Stay with me." I order. "Alucard… stay…"

I hear you about to sigh, and you return to my side. I smile, happy. I feel your gloved fingers run through my hair. I shut my eyes once more. Your hands feel cool on my scalp. I am taken back, Taken back to the night spent in the attic, I want to back, oh dear god, please Alucard, take me back there. I moan softly your name. "Alucard."

I whimper as your naked hand continues to play with my hair. I feel you pull. It feels good. All of those nights coming back to me.

I moan your name loudly, Oh how it feels so _good._

But it seems I must have scared you. I frown, your face in distress, then confusion.

"Why did you stop?" I ask. Your jaw drops.

"You're tired Integra." You say, backing away. I feel a pain in my chest as you back away and deny me.

"Don't back away from me!" I exclaim. You freeze at my words.

"I hurt you." You say. But it did not hurt Alucard. It was wonderful.

I smirk, "No, if felt good." I say, I start to crawl towards you, I reach for your belt buckle.

"No! Master!" Your voices booms, I jump at the sound. I whimper as you take my hands away. I feel hurt.

 _Him, now you?_

My chest hurts, not even you want me. Not even my own servant wants me. My eyes begin to water.

"I'm.. I'm sorry…" You say quietly.

"Do.. Do I disgust you?" I ask, I look down at the covers in my lap.

"No!" You say. "I just…" You trail off. "What is going on Integra?" You ask.

 _Oh god._

"Why are you out so late? Why are you gone all the time? I smell him on you, I hear you talking to him on the phone. And now he's getting you high! Who is he?" Your voice load.

Guilt. Guilt over takes me. I can't keep this from you any longer. You must know. But I cannot be honest.

"His name is Samuel." I answer. I hear you gasp. I look up at you.

"Are you courting this man?" You ask.

 _I don't know myself._

"No!" My eyes go wide."We are just friends. He's my business partner." I explain.

"A business partner that gets you high?"

I hang my head in shame.

"We are just friends Alucard." I say again"We just have fun together." I shrug. "He makes me happy." I look up at you. 

"I see."

"Which is why I want you tonight…" I say. "I want you, I am lonely." I admit.

"What good will that do master?" you say, "What use would it be to use me?"

"Your right." I say empty.

 _What am I thinking?_

"It's not right yo use you like that." I cup my face with my hands. "I'm sorry!" I cry.

I see your eyes soften, "No, Master." You sit next to me. You uncover my face. "Master…It's all right, I promise." You wrap your arms around me, you hold my head against your chest. I feel tears roll down my cheek, I get your coat wet with my tears.

I feel ill with myself, my high wearing off, I slow come to my senses. I have betrayed you, betrayed Samuel, and lied to you. I am so confused in your arms. I want to vomit from guilt. I am an evil temptress damned to hell for my actions. I deserve it.

You lay us down gently. You hold me tight in your arms. My heart races. I do not deserve you. I have broken your heart, lied, and cheated, yet you stay by my side. Some call that loyalty, I call it stupidity.

 _My ignorant loyal dog._

 _ **To be continued...**_


	9. Not anymore

**_Author's note: Sorry for the late update, I have a new job, and I am trying to write while trying to work overtime. It is very hard to do, but I promise I will keep updating. Plus, Samuel is going to be a bigger part of the story after this chapter. I am also sorry for the short chapter!_**

I woke the next morning and you were not there, and I don't know whether or not I should be upset. I don't know if I could face you. After I had tried to force myself on you, after I had betrayed Samuel, I think. I am not sure what he and I are, It was never said we were officially courting. But that doesn't mean I have a free pass to do what I please. Guilt, shame, and disgust fills my chest, and it hurts. I sit up in my empty bed, rubbing my temples.

I have a headache. That doesn't make sense, I thought alcohol gave you headaches. I get up from bed and go to my bathroom. I stare into the mirror, I do not recognize the woman staring back at me. She looks haggard, and sickly. Although when I move, she moves too, I suppose she is me.

I sigh, and take off my clothes, staring into the mirror before I get into the shower. I feel my body, touching my hips, and my stomach. I then slip my fingers around my slit. I take it out, my finger was wet. I raise my eyebrow.

 _I am still wet._

I breath hard out of my nostrils. I wipe my wetness off on my thigh, and step into the shower. I scrub myself, making my skin red with irritation. As if that would wash away my sins. But no matter how hard I scrub and scrap, I can't get clean enough. I want the thoughts I have of you out, I can't stand it.

 _Because I want it._

I keep thinking of how tight your arms were around me while I asleep in your arms. How comfortable it all felt. How much I missed your hands on me. How my heart races, you could crush me with one hand, and I would love it.

I use to love the bruises you left on me. Bruises from lust and love. Bruises I asked for you to leave, but under the clothes, so Walter could not catch us. It was a wonderful feeling to have you control me, to handle me, to use me. I loved it when you would dominant. Your eyes looking down at me in a haze as I was helpless underneath you.

How you would make me squeal and squirm by your hands and tongue.

I touch myself at the thought. My fingers dancing between my legs, my imagination running wild, all the things we did, and did not do. I lean against the shower wall, tilting my head back, calling for your name.

 _I wonder if you can hear me…_

My fingers move faster and faster until I become undone, I clench up, and slide down the shower wall until I lie on the shower floor. A tear rolls down my cheek as the beads of water hit me.

I finish cleaning myself, before getting out of the shower, trying to forget what just happened. I know I am going to have to face you sooner or later.

I dress myself and go to my office. Walter stood next to my desk.

"Good morning Sir Integra." He says with a pleasant smile. I look at him in a questionable manner. I was expecting a scolding from him for last night.

"Good morning Walter." I say, sitting at my desk, going through a folder full of reports.

"How are you feeling?" he asks.

"I feel fine." I answer him, flipping through the contents of the folder. My eyes have deceived me.

"100,000! I owe 100,000!" I exclaim. "Oh god damnit!" I hold my face in my hands. I rub my cheeks in frustration.

"May I give you a suggestion." Walter asks politely.

"I'll take anything." I say desperate.

"Maybe try talking to Alucard about his…" He trails off. "Methods. Maybe suggest he take a quicker and quieter execution."

I sigh heavily.

"I can try."

"I am just trying to help." He says stiff.

"I know, Walter, thank you." I look up at Walter, and give him a gentle smile. His face relaxes. "You are welcome, Sir."

I look down at the paper once more. "100,000…" I say slowly. "I don't even spend that much on travel."

"Integra," Walter says sternly. "If I may be so bold, you spend way more on feeding Alucard than you do for his damages."

I narrow my eyes at Walter. "And that's why I can't afford his damages." I say matter-of-factly. "And that Seras is in the picture, I definitely can't afford it."

"But she doesn't eat." He adds.

I sigh heavily once more.

"I know. She's killing herself." I rub my temples. "But she does eat regular food, I wonder how long that will last until she can't take it anymore." I say, taking out a cigar from my desk drawer, Walter eyes it, about to say something, but doesn't. I lite it, and inhale. Smooth, and warm, just how I like it.

"I keep trying to tell her, sir, but she insists on not drinking." He finally says.

"Just keep setting out blood for her. She will drink, eventually." I breath hard out my nose. I worry for her, the poor thing, refuses to drink, but she is a good girl. Does what she is told when told. Very compliant.

I take another puff of my cigar, then place the folder to the side.

"Write a check." I say to Walter. He nods, and takes the folder, leaving my office. I relax, and finish my cigar. I decompress, before I have to engage in work.

I look up at my ceiling, I see a brown spot. Great, That is more money I have spend on damages. I grab a piece of paper, and began to write a note for my housemen.

But when I look up from my note I see you standing before me. I gasp, startled.

"Alucard!" I scold you. "Don't scare me like that!" My cheeks feel hot.

"I'm sorry." You apologize. "I just wanted to check up on you."

My chest feels hot too. My face red from embarrassment. Remembering again what had transpired between us last night. I never wish for you to see me like that again. I hang my head, looking at my lap. "Oh god.." I groan. "Look Don't mention that to anyone, I deeply regret my actions. And I apologize you had to see me like that."

I see your eyes soften.

"Master." You pause. "It's ok-"

I feel anger shoot through me. "No!" I yell at you, my eyes wide. "It's not okay!" I continue. "I am your master and it's my duty-"

You cut me off.

"I don't give a shit Integra!" You shout back at me. My blood boils. I clench my teeth. But you continue. "I am your servant! You're well being is my _duty_!" You hiss at me.

 _How dare you hiss at me!_

"Stop putting up this wall!" Your eyes glowing red. I gasp.

You walk up to my desk and lean in. I feel tense, and my heart races.

 _What are you going to do to me, Alucard?_

"You can't keep doing this to me!" Your voice booms. My eyes dart room the room, I am in a panic, trying to find the words to say. But there are none. I have put up this wall, I have blocked you out. But as I panic, I become angrier. I grit my teeth.

"To you? Oh of course! It's all about you isn't it! It's never about how I feel!"

 _Of course it's always been about me. You've always been about me._

I lean in a grit my teeth at you, our faces close.

 _I see the devil behind your eyes. A reminder of why I left._

"You left!" You shout at my face. "You left me without any explanation How dare you! You put this wall up! You're afraid to love me! But I know you do! And you hate yourself for it!"

I smack you hard across the face. It was true, and I know you know I know it's true. We stare at each other, our eyes unmoving from each other. Your eyes begin to soften, and so do mine. I feel you grab my shoulders yet I do not see it. Your lips meet mine first, My eyes widen at your action, but I do no pull away. I collapse into your arms, letting you take me. Your lips are smooth and firm. I let your tongue into my mouth. I let you take control. I feel your hands travel down my pants. My mind in a haze as I feel you fingers touch me once again. It had been two years since then. I moan and whimper, crying in pleasure. I pull my lips away. Everything was hazy. But I feel myself becoming close.

"Alucard, I think i'm-" I breath heavily in your ear. But something hits me and I yell, "St-stop!" I push you off of me. You feel me and confused and desperate look.

"Master! What's wrong!" You ask, your eyes full of worry.

"Get- get out of my office!" I yell at you. I pick up a paper weight at your head.

"I'm sorry!" You exclaim. I see your eyes widen in want and desperation.

I try to hold back tears.

"Just leave me alone!" I turn my head away from you. My voice is small. "I can't… We can't do that anymore, Alucard, you must accept it…"

"But you want it master!" You beg. My heart shatters as I hear your voice. But I snap at you.

"Get out of my office!" I scream, my voice echos. You finally listen. As you leave, I feel my cheeks become wet with my tears, I sink back into my chair. Holding myself. I can't let you do this to me. I can't keep letting you in. You can have me whenever and you know it. But I can't let you do that anymore. 

_To be continued…._


	10. Betrayal And Yours

_**Authors note: Hey guys! It's been awhile I know, but I finally had sometime to update! short chapter, sorry guys I feel like that's been the last 5 chapters, but I work all the time, so what can you do? Anyways! Enjoy!**_

"So what are we?" I ask Samuel over the phone. I did not hear him answer right away. Which made me nervous. I tap the side of the phone, awaiting for him to answer.

"What do you mean?" He says. I grow slightly frustrated.

"I _mean_ what is to become of our relationship?" I continue, my voice stiffens.

Again, he does not answer.

"Am I to save myself for you, Samuel?" I ask. "Or am I to look elsewhere?"

"I.. uh." He stuttered. I hear him swallow over the phone.

"We have kissed, we have touched, we have expressed intimate thoughts together. Are we together? Or is this a fling? I must know."

"Integra…" His voice low and soft. I love the sound I must admit. "Am I truly what you want?" He asks me.

I am caught off guard. I feel a strain in my chest. I feel guilt. I feel heat rising in my chest and face.

 _Is he truly what I want?_ _I am I just using him? To get over you..._

I wait a moment before answering him.

"I think… I do."

"Ah, I see. Would you like to discuss this later, Over dinner?" He asks.

"No." I blurt out. "I mean… How about a walk?"

"A walk? Where too?"

"Anywhere."

"A walk, anywhere huh?" He gives me a lighthearted chuckle. "You can never make it easy on me can you?" He teases me.

I want to tease him back, but I don't.

"No, I can't." I admit. I feel my lips curl upward.

"When, and where?" He asks.

I think for a moment.

"3 o'clock."

"All right, 3 0'clock it is." He says. "But where?"

"I'll come to you." I say. "So be ready."

"See you then." He says before hanging up. I sigh heavily. I don't know how to face him. I don't if I can face him. After what we did together. After you touched me so intimately on top of my desk. I feel so guilty and sick, I must know if Samuel and I are true to each other, so I do not have the temptation of you. Maybe if he and I are official, my want for you will dissipate.

 _Maybe._

I feel my heart race as I approach his manor, I want to run up to him and kiss him. I want your taste out of my mouth. I want to replace all of your cells on my body with his cells. Even if I had showered and changed my clothes. I wonder if he could taste you if he kissed me. I would get found out and it would all be over.

I shake my head.

 _Don't be ridiculous._

As I walk up to his manner I take a deep breath. "Okay…" I say to myself. I get to the door, and ring the doorbell. I hear it echo through the house, and I wait patiently. Then an older came to the door.

"Hello Sir Hellsing." he addresses me. "Come this way." He waves me inside, and takes me to Samuel's office.

He wasn't in there, but I could smell his Hugo Boss, it lingered in the air. He had been here.

"He will be up shortly." The butler explains.

I nodded, and he went to leave. But I stopped him before he could.

"Hold it." I say, taking a cigar out of my pocket, and lighting it. "What is your name?" I ask.

"Vincent." he says. I smile at him.

"Vincent, hm. I like that name." I say. He smiles back at me. "Thank you Sir Hellsing."

He bows to me before leaving, and I take a seat at Samuel's desk. I finish my cigar, I cannot snoop as I did before. I already knew what lies in his desk. But I did notice he a letter sitting in front of me. It was handwritten, it was nothing but scribbles. It seemed as if a child had written it.

I pick up the letter.

" _Dear Daddy,  
_ _I miss you."_

The M was capitalized, how child like. There was something innocent and sweet in those 5 little words. When I tried to continue to read the letter, the door opened. I look up to see samuel standing in the threshold. His form silhouetted against the light in the hallway. He steps in, slowly shutting the door behind him.

"What do you have?" He asks me in a low tone.

I set the letter down. A little embarrassed I was caught reading something so intimate from his daughter.

"A letter." I admit.

"Ah, I see." He leans over the desk. His eyebrow raised. "Hm, It's quite the cute letter." he eyes the one I had set down.

I hide my face from him. My cheeks pink.

"You have a serious snooping problem." He says to me, seeming annoyed. He leans back up.

"I want to know you." I say in a small voice.

"What do you mean Integra?" He asks. "Isn't that point of coming here? To see me? To know me? Get to know me Integra, I am not shy."

"I know, it's just… It's just…"

"Just what Integra?" he furrowed his brow, walks around the desk and grabs my shoulders gentle. He looks into my eyes, I feel almost frozen as he stares at me.

"What is it Integra?" He asks me. I look away from him, the guilt I feel swallows me whole. I had let another man touch me, I had nearly orgasmed from it. I had enjoyed it.

"Samuel I betrayed you." I blurted out. Looking him dead in the eye.

He gave me a confused look. He tilted his head. "What?" He says in a small voice. "Betrayed me? How?"

My heart felt as if it was going to fall out of my chest. "I let another man touch me."

He take his hands off my shoulders, he looks past me. "Ok...ay." he says slowly. "So, is that why you wanted to know what we were?"

I gasp, "I… yes.." I hang my head, shamefully.

"Integra, I am not mad. Just confused. Who is this man?"

"My servant." I answer. His eyes widened. His mouth open wide. I still don't look at him.

"So you are having an affair with a servant of yours?" He asks.

I swallow hard. He does not know of you.

"Forget it." I wave my hand.

He grabs my wrist, then his eyes widened. "No!" he exclaims, a worried look on his face. "Tell me! Tell me what happened! Tell me everything!" He exclaims. "I want to know you!" He begs almost. "I am… having deep feelings, and I want to explore those deep feelings." he explained.

"Then be mine."

"I'm yours."

 _  
_


	11. Samuel

_**Authors note:**_ _I decided to make this chapter into Samuels' POV, please let me know if you like it. If so I will continue._

 _Samuel_

 _She was mine now. All mine after weeks of pinning after her. She was now mine. I felt safe now, as she found comfort in my arms, her head leaned on my shoulder._

 _"_ _Then be mine."_

 _Those words echoed in my mind with a sacifying chime. I was hers too. I never thought I could be a part of her consideration. We had kissed, we had touched, but I never thought she was really that into me. Everytime we spent time together, it seemed her mind was somewhere else. Something or someone. But I was wrong. She did_ _want me. I remember the first time I had ever laid my eyes on her. Her face looked as if it was made of stone, she did not pay me much mind at first. But I had saved her the night that we met. Or at least that's what I would like to think. I remember covering up her exposed torso as her breathing became normal again. I breathed a sigh of relief. I remember her long, oval face looking so peaceful as she napped next to me, I did not wish to wake her, the lines on her face seem to dissipate as she rested. But she woke up and her lines returned, she was far too young to have lines on her face._

 _But I find them beautiful regardless._

 _She now, was coming over everyday, not a night has past where she did not come for a cigar and talk. I will say she does not kiss me often anymore, I assume it's because she has me now. She would hold my hand, and kiss my fuzzy cheek. I thought of shaving off my beard, but she told me she liked it, so I did not. Her fingers would often play with it, she would tug to tease me. A grin on her face as she did so. Funny, when I first met her, I never took her for the type to tease. I was wrong. Once our friendship was built. She would play along with me. I love a woman who could bantor._

 _She was the first woman I had met after my late wife that had set a fire underneath my heart. My chest burns hot when I am with her, my palms sweaty, it's like I am teenage boy all over again. She consumed my thoughts when she wasn't near me. I wanted to spend all of my day with her. All of my day, for all days, I don't need space from her._

 _I wonder if she feels the same. Late at night I ask her._

 _"_ _Integra." I say criply._

 _"_ _Hm." She responds, smoking a cigar as her head is on my shoulder. Her eyes closed, she seemed to be somewhere else again._

 _"_ _I feel as if you have become a tad distant." I say. She sits up immediatly, giving me harsh eyes._

 _"_ _Distant? Whatever do you mean Samuel?" She asks, offended. I almost feel bad for asking._

 _"_ _Well, We never go to your manor, we only go to mine. And, we hardly touch, is something wrong?" I ask with concern._

 _She shakes her head. "I am sorry you feel that way, Samuel, But my feelings are the same." She explains. "I'm sorry if i'm not affectionate enough." She says, putting her hand on my shoulder, she gives me a soft smile. My brows furrowed. I touch her shoulder in return, she was wearing too much shoulder pad._

 _"_ _You make me feel like a fool." I say, teasing her._

 _"_ _You are a fool." She sasses back, playfully._

 _I chuckle kissing her forehead. I love her._

 _Integra stood up slowly, letting my hand that was on her shoulder drop to my side._

 _"_ _Would you like to come over saturday?" she asks me, fists on her hips, her head tilted just enough to where her some of her hair covered her face._

 _"_ _Saturday?" I question. "Of course." I agree._

 _"_ _Good, I shall have a special meal made for us." She says, smiling brightly._

 _"_ _Oh, I'm excited." I say, smiling back._

 _I stretch out my arm, and take her wrist, sitting her on my lap._

 _"_ _Woah.." She laughs. She sits straight on my lap, like a bird in a tree. "You are quite forceful." She adds._

 _"_ _Would you rather I not?" I ask._

 _She shakes her head. "I like it."_

 _I laugh. "I must say, I will never take you as the type to be bossed around."_

 _"_ _Oh, you are correct." She says corrects me. "I do not get bossed around. But I do like the idea of playing submissive." She raises her eyebrows._

 _"_ _Oh, that's right." I leaned in giving her a kiss on the lips, she kissed me back. Her lips were soft and smooth. She pulled away far too quickly._

 _I frown, but she does not notice. I could kiss her forever if I could._

 _"_ _You know, sometimes I miss you even when you are right here." I say. Her eyes widen.  
_ _"_ _Why is that?" She asks me, her voice husky._

 _"_ _Because I don't want you to leave." I say. She chuckles, and moves a piece of hair out of my face._

 _"_ _I don't want to leave either." She answers me, "I wish I could spend more of my time with you." She kisses my cheek, then my jaw. I tilt my head back slightly. Then she moves her lips to my neck, I shiver and a small moan escapes my lips. I l feel her smile against my skin, and she rubs her bottom against my zipper. I jump up a little. This what I wanted, but it felt a bit forced, I pull her off my lap, but still allowed her to kiss my neck. She still tries to climb on top of me. But I stop her, but she still eagerly tries to get me underneath her. She hungrily nips at my neck, and her hand travels down my pants. I stop her this time. I grab her wrists firmly._

 _"_ _That's off limits." I tell her softly._

 _"_ _Please?" She begs. "I just want to try."_

 _"_ _No." I saw firmly. Giving her a stern look. "Absolutely not, we have been through this."_

 _She sighs disappointed, but she accepts. She sits on my torso now, arms folded. She stares down at me._

 _"_ _You are not getting laid." I say._

 _"_ _It's not about sex." She says._

 _"_ _Then what?"_

 _"_ _I want to take it to the next level." She explains. "I want to be closer to you, I am dying too."_

 _"_ _Then get to know me." I say._

 _"_ _Haven't I been doing to that this entire relationship?" She snaps at me. I jolt my head back a little._

 _"_ _We aren't to that point yet." I say. My voice calm. I wonder what she was getting at, we haven't been physical really. So Now I am left to wonder what she means._

 _"_ _No foreplay." I put my foot down._

 _She groans and rolls her eyes. I could tell she was use to getting what she wanted, she was spoiled by someone, I just don't know who. I still wonder if she is a true virgin, as bad as that might sound. I would not judge if she wasn't, but it seemed odd she wanted to get so physical so quick._

 _"_ _It's funny when you act like a spoiled rich girl." I laugh. Trying to change the tone of the conversation. I was socked right in the chest for that comment. I let out a painful groan._

 _"_ _Owe.." I rub my sternum, she can punch quite hard._

 _"_ _Take that back!" She demands. I manage to let out a wheezing laugh before apologizing._

 _"_ _You say I act distant then reject me…" She comments. "What sense does that make?"_

 _"_ _Well, I don't want to rush things." I explain, "But I want to get close to you both emotionally first, before anything."_

 _"_ _I see…" She nods, unfolding her arms. She leans down and kisses my cheek. "I can agree to that." She says._

 _"_ _Good. I'm glad we are on the same page." I say._

 _"_ _Me too."_

 _She leans back up again, then sits next to me. I sit with her. I pull a pack of Mistys 120's out of my breast pocket of my suit. I lite it._

 _"_ _May I have one?" Integra asks me. I give her one a lite it for her. She inhales and exhales with ease._

 _We finish our cigarettes and go outside._

 _We take a walk through the maze in my backyard. I had it planted a few weeks ago, it was now complete, and I had wished for her to see it. She hooks her arm on my mine as I lead down the stone path to the fountain in the middle of the maze._

 _"_ _This is beautiful Samuel." She compliments, her face relaxed._

 _"_ _Thank you my love. I figured white roses would go with the brick of my manor rather than red." I say._

 _"_ _It's lovely." She says. "But I would have gone with blue."_

 _I loved her advice._

 _"_ _Do you think I should add blue roses?" I ask._

 _"_ _Yes." she says. "Blue and white would make a nice contrast with the Mansion."_

 _I nod. We make it to the fountain. I sit her by the edge, I take the spot next to her._

 _I look at her face, she was beautiful no matter where she was, or state she was in. She could age to eighty tomorrow and she would still be as beautiful as the day I saw her. I loved the way her hair fell around her face, The way her chin came to a point. And her how her eyes were sharp, and wise. I wish she didn't have to where glasses so I could see them unfiltered.I loved her long nose and thin nostrils. She looked like an angel of judgement shining down on me with her grace. I know she is mine. But I wish there was a way for her to be mine more. To be one with her._

 _"_ _What are you looking at?" Her voice snaps me out of my daze. I shake my head._

 _"_ _You." I answer her, smiling. She smiles back. I could see a faint blush on her cheeks, and I felt a bit of smugness._

 _"_ _Me?" She points to herself._

 _"_ _Yes, you."_

 _She looks down at the ground, at her feet, silence falls over us. The sound of the fountain increased. I put my arm on her thigh, Then kissed her cheek. I then put my hand on her back. She leans back on my hand, and she relaxes, putting her weight on my palm. I hold her in my arms, I could see her heart, vibrating her chest._

 _She must be nervous. I wonder why, she seemed content, maybe she was wanted to do something but couldn't find the courage, so I kiss her, she kisses me back._

 _That's what she wanted._


	12. Mother

Samuel has had me confused as of late. He had been keeping himself from me. Not answering my calls, cancelling dates. And telling me "No need to rush now." Such a strange contrast from when we first met. Was he already losing interest? That couldn't be it. He still spoke to me with interest when he did actually do it. Since we out dinner date last saturday at my Mansion, we had become distant. And I felt myself ache at the thought of him getting bored with me.

I call him one night, thinking of him.

"Hello?" Samuel's voice answered.

"Samuel." I say sternly.

"Hello darling, What's the matter?" He says, noticing the sternness in my tone.

"Are you free tonight?" I ask, hopeful.

He pauses, I am suspicious.

"I might be." He says slowly. I put my brows together in annoyance.

"Well, i'm coming over." I say, stubborn.

"No.." He sounded spacy.

"What did you just say?"

"I said no."

His words cut me like a knife. How could he say no to me? How could he keep doing this? I grit my teeth.

"Well I miss you. And I want to see you." I admit. Trying to keep my hurt and anger out of my tone.

"I miss you too dear, but I can't tonight." He answers me softly, a apologetic tone.

I sigh, not wanting to let my disappointment show.

"Well, deary, I must go." He says politely.

"All right then, goodbye." I say in a low tone.

But before I hung up, I heard another voice in the background, a small giggle. I sounded female.

 _Hm_

"Who's that?" I ask quickly. I felt my anger building again. Who was that feminine voice? Was he hiding something? I wanted to know what he was keeping from me.

"N-no one." He stutters, "I must go now! Bye dear!" He panics, and hangs up the phone. I slam the phone down. I was irate.

"That son of a bitch!" I yell to myself, Walter comes in once he hears my distress.

"Sir Integra?" He questions. "Are you all right?"

"No. I am not." I say, standing up, taking my coat off the hanger in my office, I put it on quickly. Walter's eyes wide. "What's going on? Where are you going?" I do not answer my butler right away.

"Samuel has an emergency, if you need me, you have his number." I state and leave down the hall. Walter tries to follow me. But I walk too fast for him, I take the car keys out of my pocket hand go to the garage attached to the manor, I get into the car and drive quickly to the front gate, my guards letting me out quickly when they see the look of anger on my face.

That sly dog, how could he do this! How could he cheat on me! I had nothing but hatred in my heart now. Hate and hurt on my face as I look into the rear view mirror as I drove to his manor, I was going to confront him. I felt be betrayed. But I suppose that's what I get. That's what I get for getting over you, this is my krama for not staying where I was. Miserable with you. A person who I could not be with completely. Not even a person, an abomination more like. Ever since I had drank your blood from your chest, a night in which I wish I could forget, I always felt attached to you. I always felt as if I couldn't escape no matter how far I got away from you. I will never stop trying to get away from you, even if I must control you. I hate you just as much as I hate him right now.

My heart felt as if it was going to fall out of my chest as I approached his manor. The guards let me in without question, since I had been courting with him I am sure of. I pull into the driveway calmly. I get out and slam the door. I approach the door, and I knock. Vincent answers the door, shocked at my sudden arrival.

"Oh, Sir Integra! Samuel isn't suspecting visitors at the moment." His face looked as if he had something to hide. He did not look me in the eye.

"Out of my way Vincent, this is important." I say, in a stern voice. "Step aside." I say, moving past him. He tries to stop me, but I push past him. He continues to follow me in the hallway.

"Where is he?" I demand.  
"He's in the din." He says reluctant to say so. I nod, then I push past the dins double doors, ready to catch him with another woman, my eyes fighting the tears, my teeth gritted together. I look around the room, but found nothing. Nothing but a little girl standing there, a smile on her face. She waved at me. I cover my mouth in shock. Tears flowing down my cheeks.  
 _  
His daughter._

"Who's there?" I hear Samuel's voice ask of his daughter.

"A woman." She answers. Staring at me with big green eyes. Her long lashes flickered.

"Huh?" He questions, walking into my field of view, "Who?" He looks down at her, she points. He turns his head towards me, and his jaw drops.

I still have my mouth covered. Tears flowing from my eyes. I turn around. Running out of the room. How could I have been so stupid? I knew he had a daughter, why did I react like this? I leaned against the wall and sobbed. I acted like a damn lunatic. I felt my heart race, wondering if Samuel is angry with me, I hear the footsteps of Samuel approaching. Oh god! I do not look up as he stand before me.

"Integra.." he takes my hands gently. I do not look at him, I am far too embarrassed. "Look at me." I do reluctantly. My eyes filled with my tears.

"I'm sorry." I say weakly. He strokes my cheek.

"It's okay, I should have been honest." He says. "I should have told you she was here." He hugs me tightly. I hug him back.

"Is that why you have been distant?" I ask. Looking up at him. He sighs.

"Yes, I She has been here for awhile. I just didn't want to scare you off." He explains. I raise my eyebrow.

"Well, since we are in the early stages in our relationship, I didn't want to feel like I was shoving motherhood in your face." He explains, laughing nervously, he scratches the back of his head. Then wraps his arm around me again.

"Is that why you have been ignoring me?" I say, my voice full of hurt and offense. "I knew you had a daughter when I got with you, if I wasn't okay with it, I would have said something." I sniffle, my tears drying.

"I'm sorry, I suppose I wasn't thinking." He says apologetically.

"I guess it's all right. Just be honest with me next time please?" I look into his eyes. He nods. We hug for awhile, I enjoy his strong embrace. Then I pull away slowly.

"Where is she?" I say, a pleasant, small smile on my face.

"She's still in the din." He answers me. I turn to go back where I found her. I walk in quietly, Samuel following behind me.

She was sitting on the small love seat by the window. The sunlight shining through her ringlets of hair. She plays with a small toy, and her feet dangle off the couch.

"Hello." I say softly to the little girl.

Constance was her name. Constance. A name I do not hear often. She turns to me. She smiles. A gap in he front teeth, a small one, I hadn't noticed it till now. It added a certain charm. It didn't fit her face really. But her eyes brought her face together, her eyes far too big, and so was her hair. Her hair was fizzy and bouncy. This also added her charm.

"Hello." She says back. Her eyes fluttered again. "What's your name?" She asks me.

"Integra." I answer, smiling still.

"That's a strange name." She says honestly. I chuckle.

"Well my father named me." I say.

"You don't have a mom?" She asks, tilting her head.

"I did." I say, still smiling.

"Oh." She continues to stare at me, her smile gone, and I can feel mine starting to fade as well. She gives an odd look, her eyes trying to figure me out.

"What is your name?" I now ask her.

"Constance. My mom named me." She answers. I nod. I cross my legs. She follows, crossing her legs too.

"I like that name." I say. "It's quite the scarce name." I add. "I hardly ever hear it."

She smiles brightly, I suppose she was happy her name was so uncommon. Like a bage.

I smile brightly back. She stands up, her mary janes click as the touch the floor. She wore a pink blouse, a grey skirt, and a green cardigan. Samuel stands behind her, and his hands he puts gentle on her shoulder. She looks up at her father and greets him.

"Is she your friend daddy?" Connie asks her father.

"Well, she's a bit more than just a friend." he says. "Her and I have entered a relationship." He says in a formal manner, jeez Samuel.

"So you are together?" She asks sweetly. Samuel nods. She then looks at me. "So you are going to be my new mommy?"

I almost choke on nothing. Samuel laughs nervously, loudly, patting her shoulder. His cheeks red.

"Well it's a bit early for that." He says. Picking her up. He quickly changes the subject, noticing how shocked I was.

 _Oh no._

This is was something I hadn't really thought about. If Samuel and I would continue our relationship, then I would be this child's mother, I would be a mother, I was okay with him having children from a previous marriage. But I do not think I am ready for such things, now I see why he hid from me.

With you, I wouldn't have to worry about that, when I would have been turned, reproduction was out of this question. Vampires could not reproduce, at least not vampires as old as you. It was something I remember us talking about before you would turn me. And if that is something that I wanted. Now it wasn't, at the time at least. I did need an heir to succeed me in my organization. But nor vampire or Step child could do that. I needed a human child, that comes from me to do so. And I didn't want that either. At least the last time I thought about it. But now I have entered a relationship, so now I have to decide. Samuel had wonderful genes. If I had to have children, I would chose him.

"You're father is right." I say standing up, crossing my arms. I look down at the little girl's head. She was tall, how old was she? She couldn't be no older than four. Now I feel bad, samuel must have told me her age. I rub my temple.

"Would you like to go for a little stroll Connie deary?" Samuel asks her. She nods. He gestures me to follow them outside in the backyard. The yard had really come together finally, after months. The grass was a vibrate green, and the blue and white roses did complete the look quite nicely. I was glad I suggested it to him. Samuel sets Connie down, and she runs around the maze, picking the flowers, getting them into a nice bundle, she gives it to me. What a sweet gesture.

"Thank you." I say, nodding my head.

"You're welcome." She stands on her toes before running off. She runs around the fountain's edge, Samuel and I sit on a bench, watch her. Making sure she did not fall in. She seemed to be pushing it, standing close to the edge. She seemed so energetic, so cheery. I liked her. She could bring some happiness to my manor perhaps. Maybe I should invite them over later. It would make sense, since I want to be serious with Samuel at some point. I might as well be comfort with the idea. Of course I would have to keep a close eye. To make sure she didn't go anywhere she shouldn't. I want to get to know this child, like I did samuel. I want to know them both.

 _Nobody truly knows anybody_.

Your voice echoes in my mind, as if it's a warning. Hm. I shake it off.


	13. Selfishness and Nobody

"Nobody truly knows anybody." I hear you say in my ear quietly. I was a bit in shock.

"But I want to know you, I want to be close to you." I admit, putting my hand on your smooth chest. You're skin is soft and hard like a crystal. And I can't stop touching it. I pout at your comments. Wondering what you meant.

"You can know me." you say. "But do you really what to deal with it? Do you wish to be tied to me?"

"What are you talking about?" I blink, confused. "I'm not going to be turned you git!" I lightly scold you.

"Not now." you whisper. "Later." You run your fingers through my hair. Twirling it around his finger. Now I was really confused.

"Bond with me." You say abruptly. My eyes widen, I sit up from the small cot in the attic. Wondering what you were suggesting.

"Be my mate, and then you will truly know me." You say, turning on your side, leaning on your elbow. You look at me with this hunger I cannot fully describe. You're eyes are on fire wanting for me to understand. "Drink from me Integra, know my thoughts like I know yours." you almost begs. "I want you know me, I want you so bad to be my equal."

My jaw drops. "I'm not sure I can do that. I feel as if I will not be myself." I explain. "I feel as if I will be under your control."

"You won't."

That was a lie.

My eyes jolt open, I gasp. It was just a dream, I sigh in relief. I feel around for my surrounding. I was in Samuel's bed. I had spent the night. I should call Walter, he probably was wondering where I am. I sit up, my eyes adjusting to his dark room. Samuel wasn't in the bed. I quirk my eyebrows. Hm. I get up, going to the bathroom, washing my face. It felt nice. I felt a little hungover, had I been drinking? I don't remember. Maybe he convinced me to stay the night and have a few drinks.

I look in the mirror. My eyes had bags underneath them, and I was in Samuel's button-up shirt. My hair was a bit of a mess. I brush it, getting the kinks out. I leaned over the sink, trying to figure out what happened last night.

But nothing, no memory came to mind.

I rinse my mouth out with mouthwash. I shake my the bathroom. I make my way out the bedroom, out into the hallway. The smell of bacon, eggs, and pancakes filled the air. Curious I make my way to the kitchen. I push through the double doors, and find Samuel cooking on the island stove. For as hungover as I felt, it smelled nice. I came at the right time, he was just finishing up. He slid the last batch of scrambled eggs on a big plate, putting it to the side. He notices my presence.

"Hello." He greets me, with a smile. I smile back. I sit at the island.

"Hello." I greet back. I take in the smell.

"Where is Connie?" I ask. Curious as to why she wasn't at the island, waiting for breakfast.

"She left earlier for her tutoring." he explains. I put my brow together.

"How old is she?" I asked.

"She's four." He states, making me a plate without me asking. Wow, I guess she really was old enough for that. Then I thought for a moment, four years ago Samuel was happily married for someone else. I wonder who else he had been with in that time. I shake the thought.

"You don't have to that." I say to him, gesturing towards the plate he was making for me. His plate was already made, sitting to the side.

"Well I want to." He says, smiling softly. He sets the plate in front of me. A little cup of sugar, Strawberries, 2 small pancakes, scrambled eggs, and two strips of bacon. He poured himself a cup of coffee, he drank it black.

"This looks delicious!" I clap my hands together. He hands me a fort. I take a bite as of scrambled eggs. They were buttered and peppered overly so. They were very hot, but it tasted great. I then dipped a strawberry in the small sugar cup. I hummed. I see him grin out the corner of my eye.

This was normal. This is what normal people did on the weekdays. Their child at school while they eat breakfast before work. Making small talk before working the 9 to 5 shift. I couldn't help feel this way, I liked feeling this way, I liked feeling normal. Just an ordinary woman, on an ordinary day. No vampires, no organtizon to run. Just a man and woman, in a kitchen. I could leave everything behind for this feeling. As selfish as that might be.

"I'm glad you like it." He says, noticing my hum of pleasure as I eat.

I nod, a mouth full of food. Once I swallow, I then ask "What happened last night?"

He chuckles, and sets down his coffee. "You got tipsy, after we went on a walk with Connie, she wanted to go out with Vincent, so we drank some wine and listened to old records." He says. "You had a little bit too much wine, and broke your glass when you tried to walk up the stairs." He then takes my glasses off the counter and hands them to me, I take them, seeing the crack on the left spectacle. I sigh. Great.

I set them aside.

"Is that all?" I question.

"Yep, you are pretty tame when intoxicated." he joked. I stare at him deadpan. He clenches his teeth.

"Sorry." he say, picking up his coffee again. He takes a sip. "Do feel sick?" He asks.

I shake my head. "No, Just a pick dizzy." I say, I take a bite a of bacon. It was chewy and thick. Hm.

He starts to eat with me.

"Thank you for the breakfast." I say.

"It's no issue. I like cooking." he says, a smile on his face. He was quite chirper, then again he didn't have a hangover. I finish eating.

I can't believe I drank last night, what was I thinking? Something could have happened, and I wouldn't be able to help. I guess I shouldn't spend so much time in my second life. But you have made my first unbarble. I will never stop trying to get away from you

Ever.

I stand up, "Also what happened to my clothes?" I ask.

He chuckles. "You took them off because you didn't want to 'throw up.' On them." He explains to me.

I laugh at myself. "Did I throw up?" I ask.

"No." he shakes his head, smiling. "That shirt looks good on you by the way." He winks. He then goes behind me, wrapping his arms around me. I lean my head back. The back of my head touching his chest. He smelled good, even earlier in the morning. He was still in his clothes from yesterday. Alcohol and faint after shave. He smelled worn. He kisses the back of my head. I hum. His lips were thick underneath his beard. I could feel them. His warm hands travel underneath my- his shirt, I sink into him. His hands were strong and gripped me, I felt safe. He was human, humans were weak, vulnerable, corruptible. But he is mine. He wasn't weak or vulnerable, or corruptible. He was my human. The more I spent time with him, the less guilty I feel. The less attached to you I am. I am getting over you, your rent free stay in my mind is over now. I don't want you anymore. It's him. It's truly him

We end up getting ready, I shower first, then he showers. I put on my coat. Getting ready to leave to go home.

I did not want to go home. But I had to. I had to go back to my first life, then one I want to escape. He meets me by the door. He kisses me before I leave. We give each other our goodbyes and I leave. The drive home was long and depressing, The late spring was becoming more noticable. The mornings weren't cold anymore, and I had less need for my coat. I liked the warmer seasons. The heat from the morning sun heated up my car. Enough to where I had to open my window. Once I got home, there was a huge change in my emotional state. I felt depressed, I wanted to hide in my room and not come out. But I had a job to do. I go to my office to see what fresh hell I had to deal with. Walter stood in front of my desk. He turns, pleasantly surprised.

"Oh Sir Integra!." he exclaims. He approaches me, "I was wondering where you were. We have a situation." He says, his tone low. "There was an attack in Wales. Two children were killed, and one adult, the other is missing." He says, handing me a packet of papers.

Guilt hits like a train. How could I have abandoned my post over something that was even an issue? I should have went home as soon as I figured out I was overreacting. Now two children were dead because I couldn't put my relationship aside. I sit at my desk, looking over the report.

"Once Alucard wakes, send him out, I want this over with." I say in a low tone. The report said that a married couple were attacked while they slept.

If I would just been here instead of indulging in my selfiness, I could have saved these children and their parents. I sit with my head in my hands. Wondering what I should do next.

"We shall wait till night, it sounds like one of the parents was turned. Now there two of them possibly wondering about trying to find there next kill." I say. He nods.

"This will end tonight." I say sternly.

That evening I went to the place of the crime, there were blood that stained the walls. And everything was thrown about the house. I stopped by a window that had be broken through, there was defiantly two of them that left. I picked up a shard of glass to examine it. Dark dried blood. I set it back down. And examine the window again, I could see blood that covered the window seal. There was definitely a struggle. I walk around the house, going to the childrens bedroom. Blood stain their beds. Gulit hits me once more. These children, didn't have to die for my selfiness. They could still be alive, still breathing, going to school, living a simple, happy life.

I frown, entering the bedroom. Most of the blood was on the pillows. They were most likely bitten, and drained until they died. No one deserves a death like that, especially children. But I didn't know these children. Nobody truly knows anybody. So why do I feel guilty? Because i'm a human being, despite how hard I might try to act more than human. That's what I am. These Children are dead because I am human. Selfish, corrupt, fragile.

I feel sick with myself.

I go back to the Living room where Walter stands.

"There are two of them for sure." I tell him. "And it seems there was a struggle, I am assuming the other adult was not a willing participant in this."

"An easy kill." Walter said. "They will not want to live as an unwilling slave." He says.

"Hm." I nod.

"Both children were most likely killed first, then the husband, and then the wife was taken." I say, lighting a cigar. "It's almost sundown."

"Alucard is getting ready." Walter says. I wince at the name. He takes notice, and raises his brow. But I don't say anything.

"Good, this should be easy for him. This crime scene looks sloppy, probably a newborn, an older vampire wouldn't be so disorganized." I state. I finish my cigar. "I'll be in the car." I say. He nods.

We drive home, and I head to my office. My men giving me updates on Alucard's position. I kept having my messages relayed for Alucard. I did not wish to speak with him. I couldn't speak with him. How cowardly of me.

Once I heard the message Alucard had successfully killed one of the vampires, I felt myself become more relaxed. I wonder where the other one was, did the head vampire kill them themselves? That could be a possibility, newborns were far more sadtic than older vampires. They could have taken their meal away, torture them, and then drain them. It's not completely out of the realm of possibility.

I got a phone call. It was one of my men.

"Sir Hellsing! I have a report!" The soldier explains.

"Go ahead." I state.

"No second vampire has been found, we have been looking, no sign of any other undead." He says to me. He seemed a little out of breath.

"Keep looking, until you exhaust all of the places they could be hiding." I order.

"Yes sir." He says, and then hangs up. A half an hour later I get another call.

"Sir Integra!" A soldier says. "I have another report, no body as been found, and Mr. Alucard has found no body as well."

"Thank you Soldier. You may leave your post." I tell him.

"Yes Sir!" He hangs up.

I sigh in relief. It was over, or maybe not, maybe the newborn was good at hiding. I shake off the idea. No way, with a master that sloppy, there is no way. I immediately call walter to type up a report, giving him the information I know. I hang up. I stand, and look out the window behind my desk. My mind still on those children. Gulit still eating at me. Even still, My organization only cleans up after the messes of vampires, not prevent it. Then I thought of Samuel and his organization, he sold weapons. His organization prevented such things. Weapons to kill the undead. But he only sold to private companies and governments, not common people. It's a shame, lives could be saved. Maybe I could suggest it to him. 


	14. Proposed and Rejection

_**Authors note:**_ _Short, emotional chapter_.

I pace a little in my office. I hadn't seen Samuel in a few days, and I was getting nervous, overly so. He wants to meet me in the city at some cafe. I don't refuse. It was strange, he never wanted to meet in a public place. It was always at my manor or his. Our relationship was getting to the point where nightly phone calls, and dinner dates were a common occurrence. I was also getting to know his daughter as well, a bright young mind. Loud, but very smart, and kind, and sweet. My fondness for her had grown, I started to buy her gifts, and read her bedtime stories, tucking her in when I stayed over late at Samuel's. Everytime I came over she would run into my arms and smile up at me. I just couldn't push her away. Six months, this had been going on for 6 months.

"Sir Integra." I hear Walter's voice, I turn to his voice.

"Yes Walter?" I ask.

"Samuel called again. He wants to let you know he's ready when you are." He tells me. I raise an eyebrow, I wonder why Samuel couldn't just tell me that himself. But I don't think about that too much.

"I'll be ready in a little bit." I tell Walter. He nods.

"Shall I call him back?"

"Sure." I murmur. He furrows his brow. "What?" I say.

"Nothing Sir." He says, leaving the room. I sigh. I wonder what Samuel was planning to do. Hm.

I don't bother getting ready by any means, I'll just go in my double breasted suit. Wait no, I'll put a skirt on. So I do. It's black like my suit Jacket. I stare at myself in the mirror, I put on some musk, and I let Walter know I am ready. We go to the car and he drives me into the city, dropping my off at the Cafe. He told me he would be close by, I nod, and he drives off.

Samuel wasn't there yet. I order a tea, and take a seat at a table outside. The air was cool, autumn was approaching. The leaves on the trees still green, the air was slowly cooling down. The wind blew through my hair and scalp, giving my light chills. I watch a bunch teen girls walk down the street, they are very lower, they wore red lipstick and their hair is flat ironed. They are talking about some party they were at last night, and their voices soften when they realize I am listening. I look away, down at my tea up. I sigh. I pounce my knee up and down, the table is shaking. I hear light footsteps coming near me. I don't look up from my tea cup. It stops behind me. I feel two large hands on my shoulders.

"Hello Integra." Samuel greets me. I perk up.

"Hello Samuel." I greet back, my voice quiet. I feel him move, and take a seat in front of me. He's dressed more casually than I was. He wore a white button up, the sleeves rolled up to elbows. He wore brown rimmed circular spectacles, and black suspenders. He looks so normal. I smile empty at him.

"I apologize I haven't been as available these last few days. I have been very busy." He takes my hand, locking our fingers together. My smile grows warmer.

"That's quite all right Samuel. I have been busy myself." I lie. He squeezes my hand.

"You look very beautiful today." He compliments. I blush, I hadn't much enough into my appearance. He takes off his glasses, he scoots over to me, he leans in, and kisses my lips. I don't want the kiss to end but it does.

"So, why did you want to meet here?" I ask.

"I am not sure. It's a nice day, and we are usually indoors most of the time." He explains to me. I nod. It's true, most of our meet ups were at his place or mine. "Plus," he says, looking away. I perk up, plus what?

"I'm going on a business trip, to Japan." he says. "I have new clients I must meet with."

I nod, sadden. I didn't want him to go. I almost whine. I press my lips into a hard line. Looking to the side. He leans in closer, "Integra, I'll be back in two weeks." He explains. "Don't be so upset." He tries to comfort me by rubbing my shoulder.

"It's alright dear. I'll miss you." I say.

"I'll miss you too." He looks into my eyes, a crease between his brows. His brows are thick and long. There was something else he wants to tell me. I can tell. His eyes shift back and forth, and his knee is bouncing.

A waiter walks by our table. He calls for them.  
"Can I get a black coffee?" He asks. The waiter nods, and leaves. He sighs, and looks at me again.

"Integra. There is something that I want to ask you." His states.

"Yes?" I say, in an alluring tone. He smirks at this. I smirk back.

"Well, I don't know how to put into words." I could feel his palm sweating in mine. What was it? Now I am a bit worried.

"I want your hand." he says slowly.

I chuckle. "You already have it." I say.

"No, no." he shakes his head, his tone serious. "I want," he pauses, I'm on the edge of my seat now. "Your hand." He pauses again, "in marriage." He finally says.

My mouth his dry, my eyes wide. My heart beats hard in my chest, and palms sweats. He wants what? To marry me?

"You," I begin to say, "want to marry me?" I say, my voice cracking.

"Naturally." he nods at me.

"Can this wait?" I say. He leans up immediately. He let's go off my hand. His face losing all his hope. I realize now I could have chosen to word it better.

"I knew I should have waited." he shakes his head. Running his fingers through his hair. "What was I thinking?" He says to himself.

"It's not a no." I say, "I'm sorry, I should have worded it better. I'm just.." I trail off, looking away. "I am not sure. I'm not ready, but it doesn't mean I don't want it." I explain. He perks up, hope in his eyes. "I am in love you." I say to him. "I am in love you, and I want to wait."

He takes my hand again, kissing it.

"I am so in love you, it hurts me." He tells me. "I'll wait for your yes as long as it takes." He smiles, his lips still touching my knuckles. My fingers tingle.  
"If you truly love me, It won't take long." I say.

"I love you."

"I love you too." 


	15. Tutor

**_Author's note:_** ** _Another chapter, trying to keep you guys updated! Enjoy!_**

It's lonely without Samuel. Two weeks of this, I can't stand it already. The kiss at the airport seemed so short lived, and I regret not kissing him longer. I sigh, sitting in the din on the same floor as my office. It was a rather cool day, so cool in fact I asked Walter to turn on the heat. I am wearing a grey knit sweater, and blue cravat tie. I was feeling a bit casual today. I keep thinking of Samuel, and what he was doing, probably checking into a hotel, and getting settled. Then I about Constance and what she was doing, probably finishing up breakfast and getting ready for her tutor. I should call Vincent and see how she's doing. I want to go over there. I wasn't busy today, although I wish I was. I can't sit around feeling sorry for myself. Or thinking of Samuel's proposal. I was considering it, But how would our lives mend? He is a foreigner, He has dual citizenship in the United States, and his birth country, Germany. We could figure it out. I rub my chin thought. Plus I would have legal rights our Constance, legally she would be my daughter. I could give her the world, not that Samuel hasn't. But I could help, I could further her knowledge and culture. She could have my old room. The walls were still a soft pink from when I was a child. I like the idea of being her guardian the more I think about it. I then think about Samuel and I being parents, and our disciplines and rules we would make for her. And our Children. Oh, children. Heirs. Us, making them. I swallow hard. I wonder how many children we could have. As many as we want I suppose. Then I think of Alucard, his face graces my inner thoughts. He would have to have a master. I haven't spoken to him in months. Maybe I should talk to him. Six months of no words exchanged. I am a horrible master. But I need to let him grieve. He'll come to me when he is ready, I should not force him to heal. I must admit, I miss him too. I clasp my hands together. I think of Samuel again, I am instantly less tense. I get up, and go to Walter's office.

"Walter," I say as barrage into his office. He jumps at my binks, then acknowledges my presence.

"Yes Sir Integra?" He asks me, he has ordering forms in front of him. Might be for the kitchen.

"Do we have anything on the agenda today?" I ask.

He laughs. I scowl.

"My apologies Sir Integra, but I don't have anything for you. No reports, no phone calls." He then snaps his fingers, realizing something. "Actually, 6 months ago there was case, I am sure you remember, the case of the missing wife? Yes? Well a police report came in, they found her body." He grabs a folder, trying to find the report.  
My eager mood is ruined. I remember that case all right. At least the wife did not have to suffer being a slave.

"I see." I say. I extend my hand out to grab the report. He hands it to me. I carefully look it over, a tiny picture of the woman's body was in the corner of the paper. It gave me chills. I shake my head.  
"File this away." I say, coldly. Trying to hide my feeling of guilt. Walter takes back the report.

"Right away Sir." He says standing up, getting ready to leave his office. But I stop him by grabbing his arm.  
"Yes?" He asks.

"I will going over to Samuel's today." I say.

"Isn't Samuel in Japan right now?"

"Vincent asked me over." I lie.

"Did he now?" Walter raises an eyebrow. Oh god, I feel like a teenager trying to lie to their parents to stay out later.

"Yes!" I smile. "He has something for Samuel he wants me to approve." I continue. Why am I lying?

"All right, do you need me to drive you?" he asks me.

I shake my head. "No, I can drive myself." I say.

"All right, I'll call if I need you." He tells me. "Have fun." He tells me before going to do what I asked. I sigh. Then I go down stairs. Putting on my coat before leaving. The drive to Samuel's was long, and I become very nervous. This wasn't the first time I had dropped by unannounced. Besides, Sam and I are seriously dating, it shouldn't matter if I come by unannounced. I pull up to Samuel's manor, the guards knew me very well, and they let me in without question, although they were confused, since Samuel was away. I don't bother to knock.

"Vincent!" I call for him. "Vincent!"

"Integra?" I hear his voice coming from the other room.

"Yes!" I call to him, following the sound of his voice, he was in the kitchen, cleaning up breakfast. He stops and turns to me when I approach.

"Integra, I wasn't expecting you, I would have kept out some food for you." he says, turning back to the dishes he was doing.

"That's quite all right, I'm not hungry." I say. He nods, continuing his task.

"So what brings you here?" He asks me.

"I wanted to see Connie," I tell him. He turns, a slight smile on his face.

"Oh, how nice." he says. "She's with her tutor at the moment."

"Oh, I can always come back later." I say.

"No, No, It's fine." He tells me, "It'll be only a little bit. I can make you a pot of coffee." he says.

"Tea." I correct him.

He nods. "All right, what kind?"

"Surprise me." I say, smirking. He smirks back before going into the pantry. I wait for him, my hands clasped together. He sits a small cup of tea under my chin. It's regular black tea. I try to take a sip, but it is far too.

"Be careful." Vincent warns me.

"I am." I say, blowing on my tea. I hear him chuckle under his breath. I take a sip, it's soothing.

"So, has Samuel called in yet?" I ask.

He shakes his head. "I'm sure he's getting settled." He tells me. "You already miss him don't you?" He teases. I look away.  
"You could say that."

He laughs. I don't look at him still. I continue to drink. I hear the tiny pat of feet on stone floor. The double doors to the kitchen swing open.

"Teggy!" I hear a small, excited voice of a tiny child. I turn to the voice.

"Hello deary!" I stand up and walk to Connie, picking her up. I hug her tightly.

"Daddy is gone Teggy." Connie says.

"I know sweetie." I tell her. "I came to see you." I hear a small gasp from her.

"Really?" She says excitedly, her eyes widening with wonderment.

"Yes," I nod, smiling. "What would you like to do?" I ask of her.

She thinks for a moment, Then says, "Can we go to the park?" She asks.

"We can do that." I nod.

I look at Vincent, "I'll get the keys." He tells me. He then leaves and comes back with keys to one of Samuel's cars. I take it.

"Have fun you two, when you get back I'll let you know if Samuel calls." He tells me. I nod before leaving.

The keys are to a mid-sized cream colored car. I put Connie in the carseat in the back. She swings her feet, fluttering her lashes at me. Luckily Samuel had taught me how to put Connie in a car seat in all the times we taken Connie out with us. After I get her in the car seat, I get in the driver's seat. I adjust the mirror, the put the keys in the ignition. I pull carefully out of the garage. I begin to drive into the city, to the closest park I could find. There was small one, it had swings, and a slide. Plus a little pond. I park, and get out, taking Connit out of the back and setting her down. She then runs as fast as she can to the swings. She tries to jump up to sit on it, but she is too small.

"Hurry up! Hurry up!" She tells me. I continue to take my time walking over to her.

"I'm here, I'm here." I laugh, picking Connie up and setting her on the swing, I began to push her lightly.

"More! More!" She demands. I do what she tells me too. She laughs happily, swinging her feet as she goes higher and higher. I feel joy as I push her. Her eyes big and bright, her puffy hair in her face. My chest feels warm, there was something fulfilling about bringing a smile on a child's face. I had never had a desire to be a mother until these past few months. A tiny person who lives in your house and is a part of you. But Connie isn't a piece of me, she was a piece of someone else. She definitely looks like her birth mother, The dark blonde hair, and the tight curls. The green eyes. Despite the fact she wasn't mine, didn't change my feelings on the matter.

I think of Samuel's proposal again. And all of the possibility. It sounded more and more promising. To combine our wealth, our knowledge, our power. We could become one before god. Two great houses combine to create a greater good against evil.

I keep pushing Connie until she asks me to stop. I grab the chains of the swing, stopping it completely. She hops down, running to the slide, I make my way over after her, sitting at the end of the slide to catch her. She slides down quickly, I catch her, wrapping my long arms around her. She laughs, joy filling her small voice.

"Again! Again!" She says, squirming out of my arms. She climbs the ladder to the slide, going down once more. We do this little game several times until she gets tired.

We go to sit on a bench afterward, I place my arm around her.

"So, how was tutoring this morning?" I ask her.

She makes a sour face.

"Oh I see." Taking notice of her frown. "Don't want to talk about it?"

She shakes her head. "It's boring." She says,

"I thought my tutoring was boring too when I was your age." I tell her. "Unless I was learning on my own time."

"Could you tutor me?" She asks me. I blink.

"Me? Why me little one?"  
"Because you're fun." She explain. I laugh.

"I'm fun?" I ask, teasingly. "Really?"

"We always do fun things when you come over." She tells me.

"So you think I could make learning fun for you?"

She nods, happily.

"Well.." I trail off. Maybe I could tutor her. I could talk to Samuel about it. Maybe I could tutor her a couple times a week. It would great. I smile at the little girl. "I'll talk to your father." I say. She hugs me tightly.

"You will?" She asks, her eyes full of hope.

"Yes, I will." 


	16. The Alter

It's late, and I am very tired. I can barely keep my eyes open, but I just can't find my will to go to bed. Samuel was coming back tonight, and I want to stay up till I know he's home. My head is bobbing up and down as my eyes flutter. I keep remembering what I did today, I took Connie to the park again, then I took her to an early show, then took her out to eat. She's sleeping in one of my guest bedrooms. A big king bed, with satin royal blue sheets. Her eyes went wide upon seeing it. It was quite cute. I finally stand up, turning off the light before existing my office. I wobble to my bedroom, taking off my clothes, then putting on my nightwear. I slip into bed, getting comfortable, thinking of Samuel, and how wonderful tomorrow would be. I smile to myself, comforting myself with the thought of him. I slip into darkness, my subconscious taking over.

I stand before an alter, everything was a blinding white, all I could see was empty church pews, six on each side of me, and before my bare feet a red carpet leading to the altar. A figure stands there. I squint to see, my face lightens up with the realization that's Sam. He stands there, proudly, waiting for me. His hair behind his ears, his beard trimmed perfectly. He stands tall, his blue eyes watching me in awe. I look down at my attire, I was wearing a long sleeved, pure white, wedding gown. It's train long behind me. I walk towards him, I hold a single rose with thorns, it hurts to hold, but I do it anyway. As I walk towards the Altar, people start appearing in the pews, Sir Penwood, Walter, My mother, My father. All the faces I have known, filling them, all eyes on me as I walk towards my love. As I approach Sam, I drop the roses. My hands bleeding from the rose, Sam grabs my hands despite this fact. He looks so beautiful looking down at me.

"I do." He says.

"I do." I say back. He leans down and kisses me, I melt into him, his warm lips soft like silk against mine. My hands continue to bleed into his, and I feel myself become cold. My eyes still closed, I feel him become cold in my hands, colder than I have become. What? I feel his tongue spread my mouth open, I try to move away, my mind starts to panic, and I squirm, trying to pull and yank myself away. He becomes so rough, I think my jaw is about to unhing.

"Let me go!" I manage to say. He does, or not him. No, It's you! You're long black hair covering your red glowing eyes, I am disgusted. I back away slowly. Your form towering over me. "No!" I yell. "Please don't kill me!" I beg for my life. You grin, you lunge.

I wake up in a panic, my eyes open wide as I gasp. I sit up quickly. What the hell was that? I swallow, feeling my surroundings. I feel around my bed to find anything to hold onto, anything to comfort myself. I feel flesh on my hand. Hm? I feel around some more, a neck, a beard, thick curly hair. My chest instantly warms. Sam. I lean down, wrapping my arms around his sleeping form. He was still wearing a button up and black pants, I see the clothes he disgared before getting into my bed.

"Oh Samuel." I say, my voice course. I hear him breath hard out of his nostrils. He slowly opens his eyes. He smiles, a sleepy, dazed smile. He puts his hands on my cheeks.

"Integra."

"Welcome back." I say.

"I'm glad to be back." He says in a soft, pleasant voice.

"Good." I say.

"Did I ever tell you how beautiful you look when your sleepy?" he tells me. I chuckle.

"No, you haven't." I say. My eyes closed. "When did you get back?" I ask him.

"About three hours ago. I called Walter, he let me in." He explains. "Was Connie good for you while I was gone?"

"She was an angel." I say, smiling.

"Good, good." He smiles, stroking my cheeks. "I'm so happy i'm here now." he says, his teeth peeking out from his smiling lips. I get closer to him, taking in his scent. He smelled like dried sweat and old cologne. He wraps his strong arms around me.

"I love you." I whisper.

"I love you too." He whispers back. I feel the muscles underneath his shirt, squeezing them softly.  
"I haven't worked out since i've been to japan." he says, taking notice of my squeezing hands. "Sorry if i'm a bit soft." he tells me.

I shake my head. "I don't work out ever, you don't feel soft to me." I say. "Don't worry about that sort of thing, you're perfect just the way you are."

He hold my head to his chest. Squeezing me tightly. "I have missed you so much, you have no idea."

I feel a tad strange in this moment, the man that would constantly tease me, and avoid talks of commitment, just months ago was now fully in love me. Telling me he loves me, telling me he wants to marry me. I don't mind, I feel the same. How time distort things.

"I missed you too." I say, taking handfuls of his shirt. Soft cotton between my fingers.

He kisses the top of my head. My face buried in his chest. I look up and kiss his chin. He makes a soft humming sound. He sets me up higher, so I could kiss. I kiss him. Our lips melt together, blissfully. His hands wondering down my hips, holding me against him. I have fought for years to avoid being vulnerable to men. But if I am being conquered and consumed by him, that was fine with me. Just him, everyone else must never see me like this, so easily controlled. Only Samuel could see me cry, could see me in my most intimate state. I would gladly let him have all the control he wanted. He could bring me to my knees. I would submit to him, and only him. My lips being to move against his, and my hands take his chest. He felt like a sculpture. A human masterpiece. Our legs now intwinged. Our bodies meding into one. I try to take off my clothes, but he stops me.

"No." He grabs my hands softly. I whine.

"Samuel, just once." I say. He shakes his head. "Please, just touch me once." I beg, rubbing my thighs together.

"Where?" he asks, smoothly. I take his hand, moving it to my breast. He gasps, hanging his head, shaking. His warm hand on my bare breast feels better than anything I had felt before. I feel him shake. He takes his other hand, and place it on my other breast. I feel myself began to shake as well.

"Samuel." I whisper softly, our lips touch again. Our movements against each other more rough than before. Fighting our desires, while still trying to be intimate without having sex, or other sexual acts. His hands work on my breasts softly, despite how rough he was being everywhere else. I feel myself become hot, and wet. I ache, and moan against his lips. I want more, my hands play with the of his jeans. He feel him stiffen against me. I want to touch it. He rolls on top of me. I feel his shaft rub against me. Oh god, I want him inside of me, I want him to ravish me right here, right now. His hands now on my hips again. Grinding into me, myself becoming stimulated. I moan loudly.

"Touch me, Integra. Touch me lower." He moans to me. Lower? I swallow hard. "Wait no, don't." he shakes his head. He pants, as he continues to grind into me. I can feel he is very well-endowed. Give it to me, give it to me Sam!

"Samuel!" I say passionately.

"Yes?" He pants in my ear.

"I'm going to come! You're going to make me-" My eyes go wide, shock going through my body, and suddenly I dissolve into a million pieces. I go limp. He slows down, and kisses my neck.

"I'm guessing that was good." he chuckles, his stiffness still against me.

"Yes." I say, my eyes wide. My arms wrap around his muscular form. He rolls over beside me, holding me tightly.

"Samuel, that was amazing." I say.

"I thought it was amazing too." He says. I almost want to scoff.

"How, you have had sex before."

"Because it was with you."

_

We all sit at the breakfast nook the next morning. Connie beaming at the fact her father was back home. He had brought us back some sort of green tea chocolate concoction from his trip. I would try it later after dinner. But Connie ate hers almost immediately. She liked it. Wasn't as sweet as she liked. But she enjoyed it regardless.

Sausage and eggs are for breakfast. Along with Pancakes and fruit. I eat quietly while Samuel holds my knee under the table. I still feel the waves of bliss from last night. Although I wish I could have done more. But there was always next time. I smile at him, my eyes dotting back to him, then the food on my plate. We eat in silence for most of our meal, until Connie spoke up.

"Hey daddy?" She asks.

"What did you have for breakfast in Japan?"

He thinks for a moment, then speaks. "Natto and nori mostly." He answers.

She tilts her head. "What's that?" She asks.

"Natto is fermented soybeans, and nori is seasoned dried seaweed." he tells.

"Ewww!" She protests. He laughs.

"It's not bad," He says. "I also ate steamed rice and fish along with it." He tells her. "I also got so rice flavoring from a little store by my hotel it was pretty good."

"We should try it," I suggest. He nods in agreement.

"What else did you eat there?" Connie asks.

"Well," He takes his hand off my knee, rubbing his chin in thought. "I had Tempura, Kake Udon, Shoyu, Among other things." He tells us.

"What kind of Tempura?" I ask, interested.

"Sakana." He specifies. "Mostly. It's pretty tasty."

"What hotel did you stay at?" I ask.

"The Yokohama bay hotel." He says.

"I thought you had clients in Toyko." I state.

"I did. I had to take the rail." He explains. 

"Must have been a hassle."

"It wasn't, boring, but no hassle."

"Hm." I acknowleleg him, beforre finishing my meal. I wipe my mouth with a napkin. Waiting for Connie and Samuel to finish. Once they do, we go to the guestroom Connie had her things in, putting her things in her over night bag, then going to my room, and getting Samuel's bags. I walk them to the door, holding Samuel's hand as I did so. Walter had gotten the car ready, waiting to take them home. I turn to face Samuel, he turns to face me.

"I'll see you tommorrow?" I ask.

"Yes, you will." He smiles at me.

"Good, i'll plan a meal." I say. He nods. There is a moment of silence between us.

"By the way Samuel."

"What is it dear?"

"It's a yes." 


	17. Back to Betrayal

**_Author's note:_**

 ** _I tried to translate English to German, so I am sorry if there are any mistranslations. Anyways, enjoy_** **.**

Samuel comes over for dinner tonight, a late dinner, Connie didn't come. He isn't dressed to impress, and neither am I. our sleeves rolled up, gloves off, our smiles wide. He looks at me and speaks in his native tongue. German. It had been the first time he had ever used his native speak to talk to me. He also cut his hair, and shaved his beard. His jawline his strong, sharp. But if I am to be honest, I like the beard. I wish he would have kept it. But I don't fret.

"Honig.' I hear his thick voice say.

"What?" I ask.

"Honig means honey in German Love." He says.

"Oh, don't make it a habit of saying that." I say.

"Why not?"

I flush.

"Oh, I see." he grins, taking my hand. He then pulls out a little box from his breast pocket. He takes his hand away from mine opening it. "I did not have it on me when you agreed to marry me." he smiles, cheerful. I look at the small ring in the tiny box. It was silver, and it had 7 small white diamonds along it. The biggest diamond is in the middle, and 3 tiny diamonds are on each side on the biggest one. It's simple, plain, like me, but I don't think he means to make it come across like that. It's beautiful.

"Samuel." I murmur. "It's beautiful." I hold out my hand, he takes it, slowly putting it on my finger. It fit tightly, and it was heavy. I look at the diamonds glint in the light. I smile.  
"How much was it?" I ask, still admiring it.

"5000 in American dollars." He says with a smirk. If I had a been eating or drinking, I would have spit it out. My eyes go wide.

"What the hell Samuel?" I exclaim. "Why spend that much?" I ask, my brows furrowed. Why did he spend so much on something that could have been a permanent no?

He laughs, flashing his big white teeth. "Because I love you. I want to spend the money because I want to let you know you're important." His face brightens.

"But you can do that without spending so much!" I say, frowning.

"I prefer to do both." he smirks. There it was, that cocky, smart ass I know. His cocky smirk that made me so aggravated. But I find the smirk nostalgic. I haven't seen it in months. Oddly enough, I find it comforting in a way, that our love did not change him. That he still was himself. I was becoming a bit worried that I had changed him. But I am comforted in the fact I did not.

I twitch my upper lip.  
"Prefer to do both, hm?" I look at him. "Well, don't spoil me now." I tease.

"I think you already are." He grins, his eyes squinted from his huge smile.

"I am?" I question.

"Yes, Königin der Vampires." He says. I blink, confused.

"What does that mean?" I ask.

"Queen of vampires." He says, I almost laugh. Then I smile.

"Well if I am the queen of vampires, does that make you the king of vampires?" I ask, teasingly.

"I guess I am marrying her." He leans back in his chair, hands behind his head. His legs crossed. "Then that makes me König der Vampire? Doesn't it?"

I nod, smirking. I grab his hand. "I love you."

"I love you too." he says back to me. He leans in, and kisses my lips.

"How do you say I love you in German?" I ask.

"Ich," he pauses, "Liebe," he pauses again, "Sie." He finally finishing his sentence.

"Oh." I raise my eyebrow.

"You know, My first language wasn't german." he says.

"Hm?" I say, my interest peaked.  
"It was hebrew." He say.

"Oh, that's right." I say. "Weren't you Jewish in your childhood?"

He nods. "I was, then when I married my first wife, we both converted to Lutheranism."

"Hm." I cross my arms, and my legs. "I see. What made you change?"

"My late wife was catholic, and I was jewish, so we met halfway." He explains to me.

"So," I begin, "Do you still practice?"

He shakes his head. "I have no religion, as of right now."

"I will not marry you if you are not a man of god." I tell him. Uncrossing my legs.

I see the panic flash in his eyes. "I am a man of god." he says, fishing for my hands in my crossed arms. I let him take them.

"For me? Or for god?" I ask.

"For god."

I smile lightly. I see relief wash over his face. He leans in closer. Our knees touching. I tense.

He puts his hands on my shoulders. "You are so slender." he says, I am unsure whether or not to take it as a compliment.

"I know I am." I say.

"I like it." he says, distracted by my frame. I tense up even more at his touch. He perks up, he furrows his brow. "What's wrong?" He asks.

"It's nothing really." I say, looking away. "It's just, we say we want to get to know each other, but we never really talk about things to get to know each other." I explain.

"If that's what you want, then that's what you'll get." He says, his eyes halfway closed. He kisses me. His lips are softer than usual. I moan a lightly. I feel his lips curl against mine. He pulls away.

"So where would you like to start?" He asks me.

"The beginning."

Later on that evening, I went to my office, I had to get a few things. I sat at my desk, looking through the drawers. Samuel was waiting for me in my room. I had to make this quick. As I was fishing through my drawer I hear the door slam open, my snap my head up. It's you. Months of no sight of you, months without a word. Now, there you stand, your teeth bared, I am terrified. But I do not let you know. I sit at my desk, calmly. My hands clasped together. I see the venom behind your mouth in that moment. I had forgotten how beautiful you truly are. Pale, porcelain skin, carved cheekbones, tall, and slender. It is a shame I am in love with someone else. But I do not feel bad. You are closer now, and I brace myself for some sort of pain, Some sort of physical contact. But that does not happen, instead up fall on your knees, your face hopeless. I furrow my brows. Your palms up on your thighs. You look me in the eyes. I see bloody tears form in the corner of your eyes. My expression still calm.

Have… Have I been bested?" You asked.

"Yes, Alucard, it seems you have."

"I love you." You say. Tears streaming down your pale cheeks.

I take a deep breath. "I know Alucard." I state.

"Do you love me back?" You ask, still on your knees.

"Not in the way you want Alucard." I say, I keep saying your name. Maybe because I haven't said it in so long. I stand from my chair. I walk over to your crouched form. I stand tall before you, I crouch down, getting on your level. I put my finger on your chin, making you look at me.

"Alucard," I say softly. You look up at me, your face now full of apathy. "Come here." I continue. I open my arms up, waiting for you to come into my arms. But to my surprise, you pull into your arms instead. I let you. I embrace you back, I was in your lap. I had forgotten how stiff you are, and cold. But I am still accepting of your embrace. I sit my chin on your shoulder. We did not speak to each other, silence had overtaken us. It's just us, and our mourning.

"I missed you." I coo in your ear. I feel your arms squeeze me tighter.

"I missed you too." You tell me. Your finger running through my hair, as your other arm supports me. A moment of silence falls on us again before you speak up.

"So, you're marrying him." You say.

"Yeah, I am." I admit.

"Good, Good." You say, "Does he make you happy?" You ask.

"Yes." I answer.

"Good."

I take a deep breath. I pull away slightly. Looking at your face. "I forgot how beautiful you look." I say. You smile, your tears dried.

"Thank you master, I had forgotten how beautiful you look too." You chuckle. I move a piece of hair out of your face.

"Thank you. Alucard." I nod once. I kiss your lips, you kiss me back, our kiss last for what felt like an entinery. This would be our last kiss, and I could feel it in your lips that you knew that. Your lips soft like satin. I have to pull away before I did something I regret. Our kiss separate. I can tell you're upset.

"Is he here now?" You ask.

I nod. "He is. He's spending the night." I say.

"I see." Your eyes narrow. "Are you two sleeping together?" You ask. I almost growl, but I don't.  
"We aren't having sex." I say. My arms wrapped around your neck. I am comfortable I must admit.

"Oh." Your face perks up, then it falls. I pinch his cheek.

"Don't be so sad." I coo. "It won't happen for a while."

You roll your eyes. I sigh.

"Alucard, look, I love him, and I really want this. I want him."

"Marriage doesn't sound like you." You say.

"I didn't think it sounds like me either." I say. "But it's happening."

You breath hard out of your nose. "Okay." You state simply. I lay my chin on your shoulder again. Silence again. I rub your back in a comforting way. I hear a small purr come from you. "I love you." I hear you say.

"I lov-" I am cut off by another voice in the room.

"Integra?" I look up, only to find Samuel standing over us. I open my mouth to speak. I slowly stand, and so do you. Your face looking aggravated.

"Hello Samuel." I say, straightening out my shirt, avoiding his gaze. But you are staring directly at him, your eyes fuming.

"Am I interrupting anything?" He chokes out.

I shake my head, "No. We were just finishing up." I finally get the courage to look up at my fiance. His eyes are wide, looking at you. He looks so pale, so shocked. I was snuggling on the floor with my servant.

"You keep vampires in your employ?" He asks, looking at your eyes.

"I'm sorry Samuel, I should have told you sooner I-" I am interrupted by you.

"I'm her servant." you say, I hear Samuel gasp. He realized something, something dark from my past. That you were the servant I let touch me. That I was having an affair with, that had I had kissed just moments ago. He is looking at my first love, who is not going anywhere.

"Oh, oh dear." Samuel says, running his fingers through his thick hair. "I'm sorry Integra, but I have to go." He looks at me, sternly.

"Samuel!" I exclaim. "Don't go!" I beg.

"I'll- I'll call you tomorrow, okay?" He puts his hand up, keeping me from getting closer.

"Sam! Don't!"

"I'll call you tomorrow." He repeats before turning around, "I'll see myself out."

I want to follow him, but I don't. I do not wish to make things worse.

My heart beats hard and fast. My eyes wide, sweat on my brow, I am in a full painc. I feel your hand on my back. It's over, it's all over. I broke his heart, I betrayed him. My heart shatters in two. What have I done? Why did I have to do what I did?

This was my fault. 


	18. Yours and His

Samuel did not call me the next day, in fact he did not call me for a whole week, my chest aches, and I am too afraid to call him first. I sit at the dinner table alone. Picking at my food. What have I done? It's all my fault. I should have never let you get that close to me, I was over you dammit! I was over you! Why did you have to pull me onto your lap? Why did you make feel so good? I love him, you stupid dog!  
I shake my head, going to my office, picking up the phone and dialing Samuels number. I hear it ring, and ring, and ring. No answer. I dial his number once more, someone answered on the third ring.

"Hello Sir Integra." I hear Vincent's voice, he sounds annoyed.

"Hello, Vincent." I greet him, trying to sound positive. "Is Samuel around?" I ask, my heart racing. I hear him sigh.

"Yes he is, but he's not taking any callers at the moment." He says sternly.

"Could you tell him I called?" I ask, rather than demand.

"Yes, I can." He says. "Good day." He says before hanging up, not giving me the chance to say goodbye back. I sigh, I have a feeling he isn't going to tell him I called. I wonder if he still wants to be with me after what happened, I am thankful he did not walk in when I kissed you. That kiss is suppose to be our last, and yet now, I don't think it will be. Maybe Samuel can share, maybe you can share. Maybe I like being shared like some tralup. But I can't share myself. I cannot combine the two worlds. Human and Vampires aren't meant to be lovers, just predator and prey. It's time for me to stop being your prey, and start being your master. I go to my bedroom, I call for you, you come almost immediately.

"Yes, master?" I hear your soft voice coming from the corner of my room.

"Come here." I say, patting my thigh, as I sit on my bed. You step slowly over to me, kneeling before me.

"He did he not call?" You ask. I narrow my eyes upon your solemn face.

I sigh, "No, he didn't." I say, cupping your soft face. Your smile gentle upon your lips, your hands touch the back of mine. Your eyes close. I begin to stretch your earlobes. I hear a small moan come from you.

"You like that?" I ask. You nod. You then stand over me, pushing me down on my bed. Hm? What's this? What are you doing? What are you trying to accomplish.  
Your body hasn't been over mine in two years. I let you, I let you on top of me. I look into your eyes, your perfect ruby eyes. You are perfect.

 _You're the damn devil._

Your cold fingers trace my breasts and the center of my stomach.

"Do you think Samuel loves you." You tell me.

"I think so." My breathing hitches as your finger traces my lips.

"If he loves you, he would have called already." You say.

"Who's fault is that?" I ask.

"Yours, you can't resist me." You speak in a low growl. "You kissed me first."

"But as you said, I can't resist." I narrow my eyes. "You know I am weak to you."

"Yeah, I want you all to myself. Master, I want you to let me love you. Just let me touch you, let me kiss you, let me hold you." You say.

"How can I do that if I am going to marry Samuel?"

"He won't find out." Your eyes glow.

"I won't give back." I tell you sternly. My palms facing upward. My veins at your will.

"That's fine. Just as long as I get to be close to you, master."

"Okay." I agree to your terms. What the hell am I doing?

You lean down, your lips close to mine, I feel magnetics connecting us, Your blood feels hot in my veins. Our lips almost touch but a knock on the door disturbs us, and you vanish before I open my eyes from the attempted kiss. I shake and tremble. God damnit! This isn't fair Alucard!

"Intrude." I speak through my teeth, sitting up.

"Pardon me, Sir Integra." Walter says, entering my room. "Samuel called. He wants to meet you for dinner." He says, handing me a note, telling me the when and where to meet. Relief washes over me, my heart flutters with excitement. This must be a good sign, at least I hope.

"Thank you Walter, you may go." I say. He bows and takes his leave. I stand up, looking at the paper that tells me where to go. It wasn't a fancy place. He seems to like the causal when he isn't working. I don't mind. I go to my bathroom, turning on my sink, and washing my face. I look in the mirror. My face still dripping with water, I pat it dry. I go to my closet, I take a pair of pinstripe slacks and a matching blazer out, and change into that. The slacks tight around my legs. These are tightest pair I own. I straighten out my blazer in the mirror, and pull my hair back, and find a hair tie on my dresser. I pull my hair into a ponytail. My long neck, and slender face now more noticeable. I take off my tie, letting my shirt expose my chest, but only just a little.

When the time comes to leave, I drive myself. It was a small restaurant, barely anyone there, I go to find Samuel. He's sitting outside, not noticing me. The cool autumn air blowing through his thick curls. I sit at the small table.

"Samuel." My voice cracks. He does not bother to turn his head, only his eyes.

"Your hair." he says in a barely audible voice. I take the end of my ponytail and put it over my shoulder. I look down at my hair, then his face. "I like it." He says, his voice still quiet.

"Thank you." I say. My voice as small as his. There was an uncomfortable silence that falls between us. He looks off in the distance, his fingers tapping the stone table.

"We need to talk." He says, finally turning to me, leaning on his elbows. His eyes staring into mine, dark circles underneath his eyes.

"What is it Samuel?" I ask, leaning in.

"I think." he's eyes avert to the side, then back to me. "We need to call off the engagement."

I immediately grab my ring, my mouth going dry. "N-no." I protest, offended. I hear him sigh, almost defeated.  
"Look, Integra, I think we need to rethink some things." He says. "I think this is…" He trails, "Not going to end well." he says, stiff, clasping his hands together.

My eyes go wide. "Are you breaking up with me?" I ask, my heart racing, my brow sweating. He can't leave me! "You can't, I'm-"

"I'm not breaking up with you, Integra." He says calmly. Relief washes over me. "I just think we need some new boundaries. Unless you want to tell me what you and your servant really are." He tells me.

"Ok-ay." I say slowly, nodding. "I'll tell you everything you need to know." I say quickly, not wanting to lose him. I would tell him all the times you kissed me if he asked, every time you touched me, every time you told me you loved me, as long as it might he wouldn't go. I see Samuel's shoulders relax.

"Okay, so, what is he," He pauses. "To you? What does he do?"

"You know of my bloodline." I say. He nods, blinking. "He was enslaved by my grandfather." I continue. "And he has been the family pet for decades. He is tied to me, to my blood." I explain.

"Sounds very.." he trails off, looking to the side again. "Intimate."

"It's not intended to be that way," I say. "He's a slave."

"So, you were basically in bed with the family pet?" He ask, his tone accusing.

"Well, yes." I state honestly. "I'm not proud of it, but it happened." I explain. Sam's eyes are dead set on me. His brow to his eyes as he stares at me.

"Did you two have sex?" He asks. My cheeks burn. I shake my head, looking at my feet. I see him relax a bit in his chair. I look back up at him, his eyes more relaxed as he stares.

"So, what is your servants name?" He asks.

"Alucard." I say.

He laughs, his voice rings like crisp bells. "That's clever." He snaps his finger, then he shakes his head. "Anyway, so i'm assuming he kills for you right?"

"That is correct." I cross my legs.

He leans forward. "Did you ever love him?" He asks. I sigh, rubbing the bridge of my nose. Yes, i did, I still do.

"Samuel, it's more complicated than that, I was still a teenager."

"It's not, did you, or did you not love him?" He asks again. I sigh before answering.

"Yes, I did." My heart sinks into my chest, and melts into nothing.

"Okay, now, tell me, how old were you when you two began to fraternize?" He asks.

"18." I answer.

"All right." he nods with acknowledgement. "Now, how did this happen? How did you two end up having your illegal relationship?" he asks me, Illegal? What the hell does that mean, I narrow my eyes.

"Illegal?" I ask, offended.

"He is a slave, you are is master, that is illegal, under the legal definition." He says calmly. I almost snap, how dare he accuse me of such a thing!

"Excuse me? He wanted me! He wanted to love me! It was him who seduced me!" I angrily point to myself. "Don't you dare ever accuse me of such a thing ever again!" I spit. His eyes wide, he scoots back a little from me.

"I'm sorry, Integra, dear." he murmurs, "forgive me."

"You are forgiven." I say, sighing. "Now," I say, becoming calm again."Where to begin." I say in thought "Well he killed for me, he killed for me without me telling him to, then he gave me the head of the person he killed." I explain. Samuel became deadly quiet. I continue, "This person sexually harassed me. And he found out where they lived, and cut off their head."

"My god.. And this made you fall for him?" He asks. I shake my head.  
"No, it didn't." I pause. "At first." I swallow hard. "But he kept trying, and trying to get my attention. And I just couldn't say no anymore. He stuck out his lips, and I went the rest of the way."

I hear samuel's sigh, his breath shaking. "Okay." he tilts his head. "So tell me, my fiance, why were you two on the floor of your office two days ago? Why were you sitting on his lap?"

"It was a goodbye. It was the last time he could be close to me, so let him." I answer.

I see his eyes water. "All right." He says, looking passed me, holding his mouth, rubbing his chin. "As much as it hurts me, I can understand." He says softly. He rubbing his eyes, then looks at me, his brows meeting his eyes again.  
"Do you really love me Integra?" He asks, taking my hands, squeezing them. "Please tell me the truth."

"I do." I lean in, looking into his eyes, "Don't you ever question it, ever!" I squeeze his hands back. "I love you, I don't want to lose you, I don't want you to leave." I plead, my voice cracks.

"You're not going to lose me my love, as long as you love me." He says, leaning in.

"I do." I lean in closer. Our lips touch, I want to melt into his arms, but I'll save that for later. After our kiss was over, our hands still clasped together.

"So, he is not leaving correct, you need him, to run your organization?" He says.

"Yes." I say.

"Okay." He says. "I can deal with that. Now, does he still love you?" He asks.

"Yes." I admit.

"Will he hurt me?"

"No, he wouldn't hurt me like that." I see him smile. His big, toothy, smile. He kisses me again.

"Good."

"Integra!" Seras beams in my ear, "What about this one?" She asks me, pointing to a wedding in a catalog she had gotten. "I think it would fit you well." She smiles. She has been beaming with excitement these past few weeks ever since Samuel and I had went public with our engagement. Sir Penwood being the most accepting out of all the Round table members, had sent Samuel and I dozens of roses as a gift. Sir Irons gave me a call, telling me congrats over the phone. The rest of them just sent letters telling me how happy they were I had decided to settle down with a man as powerful as I.

"It's too early to be looking at those." I say to Seras calmly. I pull a cigar out of my pocket.

She frowns a little, "It's never too early to look at them! Don't be so silly!" She chirps.

I sigh, and give her an empty smile. "It's going to be in the summer, Seras, we still have a whole winter to get through." I tell the happy vampire.

She leans over still, Looking at the catalog. "Sir Integra!" She whines. "I just want to help." She explains to me.

"I understand," I pause. "But I'm just not willing to get myself burnt out of my own wedding so soon." I explain to her. "Besides." I look at the dress she was previously pointing too. It was sleeveless, and bellowed at least three feet. "That dress isn't my style."

She cocks her head. "Okay, then what did you have in mind?" She asks me. I sigh internally, I shouldn't have said anything.

"Something long sleeved, covers my shoulders. No train." I explain, taking a drag of my cigar.

She nods, taking in this new information, she turns the page of the little catalog. "What about this one?" She points. I examine the one she is looking at, it was satin looking, ivory, v neck, off shoulder, open back, but it did have long sleeves. I sit up, and examine the dress furthur. Despite the excess of skin being shown, it really was quite beautiful.

"I like it." I admit to her. She chuckles, and proceeds to take a red ink pen from her pocket, and circle the dress.

"Okay, i'll keep that in mind." She says. I look at her, I wonder how many other things she had been circling in red pen.

"Do you like weddings?" I ask her, guinuely.

"Not exactly." She says, "I just like helping." She explains. I nod in acknowledgement.

"I see." I say. "Well, I think you have helped quite enough for today, don't you think?"

"Well-" She begins to say, but Alucard bursts through the door.

"Good afternoon my master." You greets me, his smile big. Something is wrong. Why are you up so early?

"Good afternoon servant." I say, I examine your face, your shades are on. "Take off your glasses while you are inside." I order you.

"My apologies." you say, taking off your shades. You put them in your pocket before going up to my desk. Seras is noticeably more tense. I wonder for a moment if she is scared of you, or has feelings, or both.  
You doesn't say anything to her.

"What are you two looking at?" You question us. I don't say anything, I let Seras answer.

"Well, Master we are looking at wedding dresses." She explains to you. I put out my cigar. You look to me for confirmation. I nod.

"Oh, How wonderful." You say. Looking at the magazine on my desk. You lean down to examine the dresses on the page in front of me. "All beautiful, my master, but I think that one would look the best." You says, pointing to the long sleeved dress that caught my attention moments ago.

"I was thinking the same thing, but I am afraid I want none of these. I will most likely get one custom made." I explain. You nod slowly.

"I see, my master. Will Samuel be paying for it?" That question caught my attention, why would You care if Samuel bought it?

"We shall see about that, although I am sure he will insist." I say.

"Good," You say, Your hands on my desk. You look through more of the catalog. "What about this one?" You gesture to a dress in the right hand corner of the page. It was ivory, cover all the way to the neck, slimming, and had gloves built in. It's modest, clean looking. Short train. I tilt my head, looking it up and down.

"Hm, I didn't notice that one before." I say. "It's quite beautiful." I look up at you. I hear Seras shift behind me. I look down at the catalog again, noticing our fingertips touching each other. It makes my fingers tingle. I do not move away.

"I think Samuel would agree? Don't you think?" You ask me.

"I'll ask him about it." I say. Seras leans down, and circles the dress.

"Good." He says. "If he is a smart man, he will agree." 


	19. Winter

Winter falls over the city of London in a calm white blanket. You and I walk along the stone path in my backyard. Snowflakes collecting in my hair.

"So, you are to be married in June." You say, not looking at me. You stare off in the distance in front of you.

"I am," I say, crossing my arms. Cool wind blow through the cracks in my clothes, making me shiver. "I rather not be freezing to death on my wedding day." I explain.

"Where is the honeymoon going to be be?" You ask, still looking off in the distance.

"I don't know, why do you even care?" I say, looking ahead of me.

"I am just curious." You defends yourself.

"It's between Samuel and I." I say. Hoping to drop the issue.

"Well," You say, then sigh. "I would like to know, in case something happens." You state.

"While I see your logic, if something happens, Walter will let you know." I say, I didn't want you knowing where Sam and I are to go. Samuel's estate back in Colorado is a plausible option. I have always wondered where he use to live, what his life before me looked like. It would be fascinating to see. I hear you grubble under your breath. I ignore you. You knew what was going to happen during the honeymoon. So why would you want to concern Yourself with the bed I do it on? I can see it pains you. Maybe you think you could stop it. That's not going to happen.

We reach the end of the stone path, turning around and walking back. You locks your arm around mine. I let you think what you wants about us. All I am letting you do is being affectionate towards me. It's okay as long as I don't touch you back, I think. Your arms tightly locked around mine, as if I were to move, my arm would tear off. You have gotten more and more possessive as the wedding date slowly approaches. I see someone coming out of the backdoor in the distance. Tall, black hair, dark coat, Samuel. He waves at us, and I see him smile, despite you being attached to my hip. I break free from your arm, and run towards Samuel. I wasn't expecting him today. I run into Samuel's arms. He picks me up, letting my feet dangle as he squeezed me. He set me down gently.

My eyes bright, and my smile wide, I look up at my future husband. He smiles at me back.

"I wasn't expecting you," I say, "What made you decide to come?"

He shrugs. "Can't I just see my fiance?" he says. "Besides, I called Walter, he said you weren't busy." His smile begins to fade as the sound of your boots hit the stone underneath your feet. Samuel tenses, and looks at me. He takes my cheeks in my hands, and kisses my lips. I hug him tightly, flesh under my fingertips. So warm compared to my vampire behind me. Our lips separate, and I am bit saddened. Samuel looks at you, then back at me.

"Shall we go inside?" Sam asks. I nod, then turn around and face you.

"You can go back to sleep now." I say. You blink, your face emotionless.

"Thank you master." You tell me before bowing, and taking his leave.

Samuel grips my waist tightly, pulling me closer. He looks down at me with loving eyes, kissing me again, this time with more passion. He feels relaxed under my fingers. He pulls away, I take notice his hair is fullest I have ever seen it.

"You need a haircut." I say, smiling.

He chuckles. "I thought you liked my long hair." He says.

"I do," I admit. "But it's so thick!" I run my fingers through, his hair is cool like the temperature outside.

"It's winter!" he laughs. "I have to stay warm somehow." He teases me, taking me by the arm, we go inside. Going to the din, we take off our coats, then sit in front of the fireplace. I sit, my knees on top of his lap, our shoulders touching. Our hands entwined. We stare at the fire blazing in the pit, the flames dance in front of our eyes. We stay nothing for awhile.

"My brother is coming to stay with me." He says out of nowhere. I turn my head.

"You're brother?" I question. "Jacks?" He hadn't mention him in months.

"Yes, it's almost christmas." he says, "He wants to see his niece and his soon to be sister-in-law."

"What about your sister?" I ask, remembering he had one from all the pictures in his house. He shrugs,

"She doesn't talk to the family much." he tell me. "She hasn't talked to me for awhile. I send her money, and that's the extent of our relationship." he says with a wave of his hand.

"Why are you two so distant?" I ask.

"It's-" he pauses, "Well my sister wanted the family business to die off, my brother, the oldest, didn't succeed my father when he left my siblings and our dying mother. But I stepped up, I took the position, I replaced my father. And she didn't like that to well, she felt betrayed by me." He explains, I furrow my brow in thought. I tried to find the words to say.

"Why did your father leave?" I ask, squeezing his hand. "You never told me why he left." I add.

"I," He pauses, looking in front of him, his jaw clenched, "Don't know why my father left." He states, empty. "He hated his own family, most likely. He never wanted children, and when my mother was going to die, he took his leave." He says. "My older brother was saved from most of the abuse, he could take my father, so he abused my sister and I." He explains. I hold him tight in my arms. A flood of emotions hits me hard in the chest. What could I say? I just hold him.

"I'm sorry Samuel, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. But I am also proud of you." I say. He looks down at me, confused. "I am proud of you because you didn't run. You took it upon yourself to carry on your family legacy when you could have ran. You took care of your family." I say, taking Sam by the chin, making him look at me. I hear a small whine coming from his throat. His eyes watering. I kiss him. His hands sit on my waist. He pulls me in tighter, deepening the kiss. I pull away, his grip tightening still, his chin resting on my shoulder.

"How old were you when he left?" I ask. I hear him swallow.

"15." He says. "I was 15 when I became the head of the family, and the Organization he abandoned."  
I put my arms around his neck. I could relate. I know what it is like to be the head of an Organization so young, having to grow up overnight. Having to put a childhood behind. "Samuel, i'm sorry," I kiss his neck, rubbing his shoulder.  
He rubs my back. "Don't be sorry, it wasn't so bad. I ended having somewhat of a normal life. I went to Oxford with my brother. I got married, I had a child, I am successful. I was pushed to be who I am, I use to be so spineless, and so timid. But tragedy has made me strong." He says.

"I use to be a timid child too, but when my uncle tried to kill me, I had to chose, would I die, a small, heart-broken child, or would I make a decision."

"What did you decide?" he asks.

"I killed my uncle." I say. He pulls away from me, giving me a worried expression. I look at him, my eyelids heavy. "Yes, I had to kill him. He had a gun to my head." I explain. "But he was already hurt when I finally pulled the trigger."

"Why was he hurt?"

"Alucard."

"I- what?" He says confused.

"My father told me, before his death, if I was ever in danger, if I had nowhere else to go, if all my enemies were closing in. To go to the deepest dungeon of our estate, to the deepest cell. There, will be my salvation. Alucard saved my life, Samuel. He- He saved me from my death, after that, he pledged his servitude to me."  
Samuel doesn't say anything, but looks into my eyes. "I see." He says finally, holding my face. His eyes boring into mine. "You two must have been close from the very beginning."

"I was very attached to Alucard after that, yes. I was only 12. He and Walter were they only ones I trusted after that. Having someone dedicated to my every move, made me feel so special. I was put on a such pedestal by Alucard. I sort of developed a school girl crush." I say, chuckling, a little embarrassed I use to be so easily persuaded, then again, I was only a kid still. I see Sam give me a small smile.  
"Well, he did save your life, he must have been a knight in shining armor to you." He says. His smile dissipates, his face serious. "He never, took advantage of that, did he?" He asks. I furrow my brow, I shake my head.  
"No, he would never, he would never dream of it!" I almost snap. A tad annoyed Sam would assume that of you, then again, he didn't know you.  
"Good." he says, hugging me tightly. I let him hug me as tight as he wants. Look at him a little weary.  
"What's wrong?" He asks me.

"Nothing, It's just," I pause. "What's going to happen when we get married? How are you going to deal with Alucard?" I ask. "When we are married, you'll be with me all the time, how will you fair?"  
He sits up and little on the coach. "Well," he rubs his chin in thought. "You'll be here too, I am sure you won't let anything happen, and I certainly won't do anything to him." he says. "Everything will be fine." He says. He pulls me on his lap. His hands on my thighs.

"Sure it will." I say, trying to convince myself.

"What of Connie?" He asks. "What will happen if they have contact?" He asks.

"They won't have contect, I'll make sure of that." I answer him. "She will not know he exist, no until she is older."

"Are you sure?" He asks. "Isn't that a bit overboard?" he continues.

"I don't think so." I add. "I think it would be upsetting to her, she doesn't know vampires are real yet."  
He nods.

"I see your point." He says.

"We'll get there." I say.

"Yeah, we will." 


	20. In Sickness and in Health

**_Author's note:_** ** _Hey lads, sorry for the dead end chapter, i'm going to be taking a bit of a break for a week or so, work has been rough. Anyways, enjoy this little chapter!_**

I feel ill. After a particular long tutor lesson with my soon to be step daughter, I had felt sick to my stomach, I had ran to the bathroom and puked up my breakfast. Walter took Constance home. I'm in my bed now. Walter had came in and took my temperature. 101 degrees. I felt hotter than that. I took a sip of the glass of water Walter had left me on my nightstand. It's a shame I am sick. Samuel's brother is in area. I would like to meet my future brother-in-law. Sam was suppose to call when his brother got there. But I don't think i'll be able to make it. I turn on my side, holding my stomach, it made a low growl. My mouth salivated, and I felt bile in my throat, I jump out of bed, throwing up in toilet, on my knee, I collapse onto the hard marbel of my bathroom floor. I shut my eyes, grasping my stomach again, I groan in absolute misery. I tap my forehead against the floor in frustration. I close my eyes, a frustrated tear rolls down my cheek. I feel so weak, my heart thuds hard against my ribs. Everything is spinning and my hearing goes in and out. Everything goes dark.

I open my eyes, i'm in my bed again. I feel the soft sheets through my fingers. My sheets are cool, it feels nice. I look around the room, I wonder who put me in my bed, but then I see you by my bedside.

"Alucard." I say, my voice raspy. I clench my eyes closed before opening them again.

"Integra," You say back. I pout, my head pounds. I close my eyes, it hurt too much to keep them open. I feel your cool hand touch my hot forehead and I am immediately relieved. I moan in blissful relief, and my hands lay dead at my side. I also feel my hair is in a ponytail. Which also feels good, my hot neck now touches the cool pillow underneath it.

"Did you put me in bed?" I ask.

"Yes, I did." You say, "You're puking was pretty load. I couldn't ignore it."

"How long have I been out?" I ask.

"30 minutes." You say punctually.

"Oh." I moan, "Your hand feels so good." I press my head against your cool hand.

' _I haven't heard you say that in years.'_ Your voice intrudes in my head. My brow furrows.

' _Watch your mouth servant.'_ I think back. I hear you chuckle softly. I groan. I am not in the mood for your teasing. Your hand moves to my cheek and neck. I continue to moan in relief.

"Alucard." I say weakly.

"Yes?" You question.

"My back is hot." I say.

"What would you like for me to do about it?" You ask. Your voice peaking with interest. I slowly turn on my stomach. I wrap my arms around my pillow above my end. My eyes shut tight. "Oh, I see." I hear your voice. I feel your cold hand go up my shirt, and place it on the curve of my back. I moan in great relief. The sweat on my back dries almost immediately, now that I am cooled down. "Do you feel better?" You ask me, almost cooing.

"Yes," I say weakly. My throat burns from the bile I had thrown up previously.

"Good." Your hand moves up and down my back. My toes curl. I stretch and relax. I feel myself drift in and out of sleep while you sit by my side. I feel safe when you are near. I hadn't felt that way in years around you. Your large hand rubs my back, slowly, causing my to drift further into unconsciousness. I fell into a deep sleep. Forgetting my sickness. I did not dream, instead I cannot move, once my conscious returns to me, My eyes do not open, my arms and hands dead at my side again, must have turned over. Two voices catch my attention. Yours, and someone else's. It was deep and crisp. It wasn't Walter, Once I am more aware, I realize it's Samuel voice. Wait a second, You are speaking with my fiance? Thinking I am sleep? I listen in on your conversation.

"Has she been restless?" Samuel asks you, I feel his warm hand grasp mine. I feel the back of my neck sweat.

"No, she's been still." you answer him in a calm tone. "I found her in the bathroom on the floor. So I moved her to the bed."

"What made you come?" He asks you. "How did you know where to find her?"

"We're connected, mind, blood, and soul." You time him. I feel Sam shift in his chair. He is leaning in, his elbows on the bed. While it sounds like you are leaning back in your seat. "I can read her thoughts, I know where she is at all times, I know her feelings, I know everything."

I wince internally, you didn't know everything. You lair, if I could move, i'd smack you. But you are right about one thing, you could read my thoughts, but only when I let you. Only if I let my guard down.

"So, you two are very close." He says, squeezing my hand.

"Yes, we are." you say, "She loves me." I hear you say smugly.

"She loves me too." Samuel says softly. Stroking the back of my hand. I can feel Sam's gently smile and eyes on my unmoving form.

"She does." You reassure him, "Surprisingly."

I hear Samuel groan under his breath.

"Tell me, Samuel, how much do you love her?" You ask him.

"I love her a lot. Ever since I met her, I had strong feelings, I wanted to be near her always, She consumes most of my days, my nights, my thoughts, she is always in the forefront of my actions." He answers you.

"So how far would you go for her?" You ask.

"To the ends of the earth." He answers.

"Would you risk your life for her?" You ask, I furrow my brow.

"Well yes, if it came down to the that." He answers.

"Would you kill for her?" You ask, a moment of silence falls over the room, and before Sam could answer, I begin to stir, acting like I was just waking up. You and him quickly readjust in your respective chairs. I slowly open my eyes, looking at Sam first. My vision is blurry, and I smile at sam's faint form. I could feel him smile. He squeezes my hand, I squeeze back. I then turn to you, my smile disappears. My eyes adjust to the darkness of my room.

"Sam." I say in a small voice.

"Yeah?" Sam says eagerly, putting my hand to his chin as he leans forward.

"When did you get here?" I ask.

"10 minutes ago." he answers.

"Oh," I pause. "I'm sorry I didn't get to meet your brother today." I apologize.

He hushes me. "DOn't be sorry, he'll be here all month." he tells me, "You'll get to meet him."

My shaking fingertips caress his lips. I smile weakly.

"How long was I asleep?" I ask.

"Two hours." You interject.

"It feels like i've been out for days." I say. I hear Samuel chuckle.

"Alucard hasn't left your side." Samuel tells me. "Very attentive servant." I can almost hear the word attentive be said with a dash of spite from his lips.

"He was just making sure I was okay until you got here, isn't that right, Alucard?" I turn to face you, your legs crossed, along with your arms. You give me a look of apathy, with a bit of misery.

"Correct." you say flatly.

"You may leave servant, you fulfilled your duty." I say, weakly waving my hand, dismissing you. You say nothing, getting up and taking your leave. I turn my head back to my fiance, I smile brightly, despite feeling horrible.  
"Did Connie make it home alright?"

"She came home just fine." He smiles at me. "She's worried about you." He says.

"Awe, how sweet." A smile still tight on my lips. Samuel leans forward, almost on my bed now.

"Do you need anything?" He asks me. I shake my head.

"No, not right now." I say, then I pause. "What were you and my servant talking about?" I ask. Finding the strength to sit up a little.

"Nothing in particular," he lies. "Just you." he finishes.

"Hm?" My interest peaked.

"What about me?" I ask.

"How well you were going to recover." He lies again.

"I see." I look outside, the sun is out. Shining bright in my room. I squeeze Samuel's hand. "I feel popular," I joke, looking back at my fiance. He kisses my hand. I frown.

"Don't kiss me so much. I don't want you to get sick." I say.

He frowns back. "In sickness and in health."

"We aren't married yet!" I try to exclaim. My voice cracks.

"Well when we are married. You'll have to get use to sharing germs." He teases me.

"Oh god, if you get sick, do not expect me sharing a bed with you." I state.

"Oh jeez, I feel the love honey." He laughs.

"I have a very important job, Sam." I try to justify myself. He continues to laugh and snort. "What's so funny?" I raise an eyebrow.

"What I find funny, is you make so much time for me, so many hours spent together, so many nights spent." he stops laughing and clears his throat. "And yet your job is too important to share a cold." he holds my hand to his cheek. I have nothing to say to him, I just look on with sick eyes. Silence falls over us.

"Did I ever tell you I love your hands?" He says. I blink.

"What?" I question.

"I said I love your hands." he repeats himself. Rubbing my palm to his beard.

"How strange," I say.

"Your hands are so soft, and the most delicate part of you." He compliments. He kisses my knuckles. I give him a soft smile. "I have memorized them." He tells me.

"Uh, what?" I say confused. "What do you mean?"

"My attraction blinds me to you, No matter how many times I look at your face, I still can't remember it, I cannot recall your beauty, because I am so excited when I am around you. So I look at your hands, and that's how memorize your face, from your hands up."

It didn't make sense, then again, the rules of attention often times don't make sense. Love, lust, so human, yet so past human comprehension. I didn't understand my attention to Samuel at times. This makes me think of how I remember Sam's face when I recall his features. His eyes are the first thing that comes to my mind, sharp blue eyes, worn, yet intelligent. Then I remember the sharp cheekbones, and then his jawline, his beard, his nose. His face is pale, like a marble sculpture. And his body, he's perfect, in my eyes.

"I recall your image by your eyes, you're eyes are the bluest, most brightest eyes I have ever seen." I say. He smiles against my knuckles.

"Really?" he says, "How interesting." His says in a husky voice.

"It was one of the first things I noticed about you, when I first laid my eyes on you." I continue. "They're beautiful."

"Thank you my love."


	21. Dolls and Dinner

I recover from my illness quickly, I am only out for week. My clothes sag on my body from the weight loss from throwing up so much. You stay by my side through the whole ordeal. Not budging unless I tell you to get me something, even helping me bathe, not that Sam would find out. He wouldn't, i'll be sure of that.

Today, I am to meet Samuel's Brother, Jacks this evening. I look in the mirror in the bathroom. My face thinned from illness, and dark circles incompass my eyes. I look at my breasts and ribs, then my hips, my hip bones poke out from the rest of me. No hip garth, strange really, an adult woman with no figure. No breasts, no hips. But I did have strong legs, and broad shoulders, giving the illusion I had a figure. I wonder for a moment how you or Samuel could have me attractive. I have nothing attractive to look at. Although Samuel says otherwise. I suppose I am just being over critical of my appearance. I turn to the rack of clothes behind me. I put on a white button up under shirt, with a black V neck pullover sweater a red ascot. Then I put on a thick wool skirt. Then a pair of thick pantyhose. I slip on my black boots. I look in the mirror one last time. My clothes swallow my slender from whole, aside from my shoulders. My most prominent feature, aside from my M shaped cowlick. My eyes look so dull, duller than usual. I blame the sickness. I flatten my sweater, and leave my closet. I get my wallet, then I take a gift box, wrapped in a red ribbon. It's for Constance. A porcelain doll, with curly auburn hair, and pink frilly dress. I tried to look for one that looked like her, but it was hard to find one in her skin tone. But I'm sure she'll love it. I go down stairs and find Walter waiting for me, hands behind his back. A pleasant smile on his lips. I smile slightly back.

"Good evening, Sir Integra." he greets.

"Good evening Walter." I greet back

"Are you ready to go?" He asks me, I nod. We go out to the car, the cold winter air filling my lungs, it almost hurts. And the car is not yet heated, so the drive to Samuel's manor was a tad uncomfortable, but I don't mind in the end, I'll be in warm surroundings soon enough.

As Walter pulls up up the circle drive, I see Samuel standing at the front door to greet me, I bid Walter goodbye, and tell him when to get me in the morning, and if there was any emergency to call me immediately. Although I doubt it. Busy season for vampires was over. It was slowly pick up in the spring.

I hug my fiance at the door. He kisses my cheek.  
"How do you feel?" He asks, his arms around my waist.

"I feel fine." I smile. "I've been fine for days now." I say, chuckling at his over concern. He pulls away, eyeing the gift box in my hand.

"Who's that for?" he asks.

"Constance." I answer him, "It's a doll."

"Ah, I see." He says, extending his hand to take the gift. I give it to him. He leads me inside. He takes me to the living area. A tall chrismas tree incompasses the corner, it sits tall, and it's covered in silver decorations. It was very pleasant to look at. I then look at the large fireplace, a menorah sits on top of it, along with family pictures. I look at it curiously.

"I thought you didn't practice anymore." I say casually, trying not to offend. He notices where my gaze is.

"It's just a piece of my past, plus my brother is here still, and he still practices, be it, not fully." explains smoothly. He leans down, setting the gift for Connie underneath the Christmas tree. He walks over to me, smiling at me, taking my hand.

"Where is your daughter and brother?" I question.

"In the dining room." he says, then gestures towards dining area. I follow suit. I hear the laughter of a child, and a deep voice follows the child's cheerful giggle. We enter the dining room. I see his brother, blonde, short mustache, slender, he wears a tan suit, something like my father would wear, I find it adoring in a way. His brother turns when he hears us enter the dining room. His eyes are green, like my father's too. Even his skin tone was like my father's. Hm. Was I looking at a reincarnation? His brother stands, walking towards me, his smile big, he extends his hand out to shake mine.

"Hello, nice to meet you!" he says cheerfully, shaking my hand, he seems a bit abrasive in how he shakes my hand, nearly rattling me. "My name is Jacks, Jacks Zimmerman." He introduces himself.

"Hi, Integra Hellsing." I say to him back, letting go of his hand. Jacks looks at me smiling, then looks at his brother.

"So this is your fiance?" He asks him. Samuel nods, behind me, taking off my coat for me, I let him.

"Yes I am." I say, peering up at Jacks, he's tall, taller than Samuel. He looks back at me.

"Well, welcome to the family." He says to me. His teeth sparkle like Samuel's. I feel a little tug on my pants. I look down to find a little girl wanting my attention. I smile at Connie brightly, then pick her up.

"Hello, little one." I greet Connie. I give her a kiss on the cheek. She kisses me back.

"Hello, Integra!" She says, pronouncing the R like a W.

"I got you a gift." I say, she begins to struggle, getting excited.

"I wanna see! I wanna see!" She squeals, trying to get free from my arms.

"Hold it, young lady, you'll have to wait until christmas morning." Samuel interjects.

"But Uncle Jacks already gave me his present!" She protests. She continues to squirm in my arms until I relented and let her down. She runs to the table, and picks something up in her chair, then brings it to me. I see Jacks have smug smile on his face. Connie shows me a doll, similar to the one I got her. I feel a little twinge in my lip. The doll had the same auburn hair, and the same pink dress. Wait, it is the same doll! I feel myself become annoyed, but I say nothing.

"It's lovely." I compliment. Putting on a fake smile.  
Very beautiful." I add. The young girl laughs, and hugs the doll tightly.

"She hasn't put it down since she got it." Jack's jokes. I give him an annoyed look, he didn't pick up on it, thankfully. I stand up.

"I'm glad she likes it." I say, looking at my fiance's brother, and my future brother-in-law. He smiles, proud. I wince. Connie goes to sit down at the table again, doll in lap.

"Why don't we sit down?" Samuel suggests. Jacks and I both nod, and sit at the long dinner table. It's like mine, it could seat 8 people. Samuel sit at the head, while I sit to his left, and jacks sits to his right. Jack's and Connie were closer to him than I am. I don't like this fact, I want to switch posts with Jacks, but I do not press the issue.  
"So, how did you two meet?" Jacks asks me and Sam. I answer first.

"It was at an event that one of my colleagues was hosting." I state. Samuel smiles, looking as if he is reminiscing. "I was in a green dress, he was smoking a cigar, very typical like romance novels." I say sarcastically. Jacks just smiles empty at me.

"Do you still have it?" Sam asks.

"Have what?"

"The dress."

"I do, but the back is ripped." I snear, but in a playful tone. Jacks gives us a weird look.

"I passed out, " I explain. "I couldn't breath, so he had to rip open my dress so I could."

Jacks looks at Samuel, then at me , then back at Samuel. Sam laughs, nearly coughing, my eyes smile at him.

"Well," Samuel says, continuing the story. "She became hot, passed out in front of her colleague. And he came and got me, so I took care of the situation." he smiles smugly. I gaze at Connie, she is in her own little world, playing with the doll her uncle gave her.

"So, what happened next?" Jack asks, nervously, not sure where the story was going.

"Well I wake up, accuse him of being a creep, and he gives me his number." I shrug, smiling. Jacks blinks, trying to comprehend the story we just told. He shakes his head.

"I see," Jacks says slowly. "That's very, unusual." He says, his voice quiet. He stares past his niece. Then looks down at the table. "Anyways!" he snaps out of his odd mood. "Do you have done any wedding planning?" he asks us.

"No." Sam says slowly, a bit of shame in his voice. "We haven't the time." he explains.

"I've been looking at wedding dresses." I say. Both Jacks and Connie perk up at my mentioning of my dress hunting.

"You didn't tell me," Samuel says.

"I want it to be a surprise." I tell him, trying to give him a smile, but he does not smile back. I feel a slight twinge in my chest, did I really upset him?

"I suppose." He says dropping the issue. I cannot help but feel upset myself, I should let him be a part of it. This is a partnership. Silence feel over us before I chose to speak up again.

"So, Jacks, tell me, what is it you do?" I ask. His eyes go wide, then he smiles.

"I own a small holdings company, I own multiple properties." He says. How curious, I remember Samuel telling me he shared his wealth with his siblings. Now, I wonder how could that be justified. Many Samuel is just doing his family duty, and sharing the wealth of the family business.

"Is that so?" I say, raising an eyebrow. "Where are these properties?" I ask.

"Seattle, Denver, Chicago." He answers, causally. "I am solely responsible for over 30,000 working class people." He adds. I nod, maybe he is a responsible man, maybe he is as dutiful as his younger brother. Jacks smiles brightly, "I like it." He says simply. His green eyes glittering. I look down at Connie again, she still plays with the doll in her lap.

"I'm glad you like it." I say, blinking slowly. He nods, then turns to Samuel, putting down his hand, next to Samuel's shoulder.

"Have you talked to father?" Jacks asks Sam. I see Sam tense, his jaw clenches, his eyes go wide.

"No." Samuel says, in a low, almost inaudible tone. I can see pain in his eyes. He clenches his fists, and I see Connie tense from her father's reaction. I scoot my chair closer to her.

"He would like to speak with you." Jacks says, in a soft voice, trying not to offend his brother even more than he already had.

"Well, if he would like to speak with me, he knows my address." I hear the anger bubbling in his voice. I see the wrinkles around his eyes, crease saverly. "Let's not talk about this okay? Not in front of the child." Sam says. Connie blinks, sitting the doll on her lap.

I want to ask him questions, but I do not press the action. I sit, quietly, waiting for the chef to bring us dinner.

"Okay." Jacks says quietly. Clasping his hands together. I wonder for moment if Connie even knows her grandfather, I wonder if he has even held his own grandchild. His only grandchild. I know from what Samuel has told me, his father did not want children. I always wondered why he would have them if he did not want them, then again, he had an organization, and needed an heir. Or maybe it was like in my father's case, an accident. My mother had been a worker of pleasure, and my father had fallen in love with her, and he married her. He had no intention on having children with her, but it happened.

The chef product out our food. Rich meats, and vegetables, breads, and delicate sweets. Connie, of course, went for the sweets first, until I stop her. I grab her tiny hands, and make her pick up out some steamed carrots and roast. I cut the meat into tiny pieces for her. For all intents and purposes, I am this child's mother, and that is something I have come to accept fully in the past months. All I need to do is sign a few papers, and I will officially be her guardian. Sam and Jacks give me a strange look.

"What?" I ask.

"You don't need to do that." Samuel says, gesturing to me cutting a piece of meat for the little girl next to me.

"She can!" Connie protests, I smile to myself at her little comment.

"It's all right dear," I say. "I don't mind." I smile at Sam. He smiles wearily back.

"Okay," he says, trying to make sense of the circumstance.

After I finish cutting up Connie's meal, I get my own. The rich meat melts in my mouth, and I hum pleasantly. I see samuel giving me a look of appreciation from the corner of my eye.

"This is great!" Jacks exclaims, eating his meal. His voice breaks through my thoughts, and for that I am gratefully annoyed.

"I'm glad you like it." Sam slowly nods. Once the meal was over, we all dismiss ourselves, Jacks and Sam take Connie but to bed, while I wait by myself. Once Samuel came back down the stair, jacks is not with him, we are alone. He gives me a sheepish smile.

"Sorry about tonight." He chuckles shyly. A crease forms between my brows.

"Sorry about what?" I ask, curiously.

"My brother, he doesn't have much of a filter." He scratches the back of his head. He then places his hands on my shoulders, then he slowly wraps me into a hug. I hug him back, my fingers touching the warm skin under his shirt. Mmm, he is a very comfortable person to hold. His muscles weren't hard and stiff like yours, Alucard. They are human, soft but firm, warm and inviting. I could get lost in his arms. Samuel and I go to his bedroom. He goes into the bathroom, and I sit on his bed, taking off my shoes, and my sweater, leaving my button up exposed. I lay the sweater on the stone floor. Sam comes out of the bathroom, his suit jacket left in the bathroom, and his tie undone. He snakes on the bed, the satin sheet fill his hands. I curl up, my back on the headboard.

"Is jacks in bed?" I ask. Samuel nods, he then sighs loudly.

"So is Connie." he adds.

"So we are all alone?" I ask. He nods. My hand sloths over to his, my fingers intwinging with his. A smile sneaks up on his lips. He

"Do you want to go to bed?" I ask.

"No." His husky voice taking over, and making me tremble with desire. I shake it off.

"Can we talk about something?" I ask, scooting in closer to him, he does the same.

"Sure." He says.

"Why do you not want to talk to your father?" I ask.

"Because he's a piece of shit!" he lifts up his head to peer at me, his eyes angry, and he lets go of my hand. "He is a horrible human being, and he doesn't deserve to be a part of my family!" he hisses at me. I want to get angry, but if feel as it would only make the situation first.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I say calmly. I reach out to touch him, but he pushes my hand away.

"Don't." His voice hard, and stern. His eyes filled with animosities toward me. I am utterly shocked, he had never been so harsh towards me. I put my hand against my chest, and I slowly slink away from him on the bed. He takes notices, and his eyes fill with remorse. He comes towards me. "I'm sorry," he reaches out towards me. My eyes still wide. As strong as I am, if someone you love is angered with you, it hurts and scares you, regardless of how strong willed you are. Samuel takes me into his arms, I let him, I am still stiff. I slowly wrap my arms around him. "I didn't mean to come so harsh, dear, it is a sensitive topic for me, you must understand." He apologies to me. I don't say anything back, but nuzzle my nose into the curve of his neck. His hand rubs my back up and down.

"Don't do that again." I say sternly.

"I promise, I won't." he says gently. His tone finally relaxing me.

"Good."

We lay down on his bed, our bodies mend together, our lips touching with hot breath in between. This all seemed to happen in a blink of an eye. We always do this, we always end up in a hot mess of limbs and lips. But we never went further than grinding and small intimate touches. I feel his remorseful lips worship my neck and jaw. I tremble and quake at his touch. His hands hard on my hips. He is a control freak, that I knew. He loves to control my body, my movements, my heart beat, and breath. He sticks my fingers in his mouth, sucking them one by one. I never thought finger sucking could be a turn on, I am proven utterly wrong. I moan, and writh. He is on top of me now, I look up at him, adoring eyes, wondering what his next plan of action is. He pulls off his shirt, his toned body mine to take in. I hum in delight at this.

"You're beautiful." I tell him. I can see him flush at my words, and I am satisfied I can do that. He is after all, a shy man. Underneath his fausd of being overly confidant. I knew this for awhile now, and I just love him more because it.

"Look who's talking, my love." He says, smirking. I chuckle, blushing. My greedy hands snake up his stomach, to his chest, and my hands try to reach his neck, but alas he is too far away. He looks down at me now, he eyes heavy with lid. And in a soft voice he speaks a command.

"Take off your shirt."

My eyes go wide. Oh dear, oh my. I slowly unbutton my shirt, but I do not open it. I let him do it, I want him to reveal his prize. His rough fingertips take the cloth of my shirt and open up it the rest of the way, revealing my bra and stomach. His eyes look up me with deep affection, a gentle smile takes his lips. His fingertips trace my breasts, and underneath my bra, then the hard line of my stomach.

"Beautiful, Beautiful, beautiful, absolutely beautiful." He speaks softly. Then he leans down, kissing my chest. I hum and moan, I want him to remove my bra, but I do not press it. I let him do what he wants. His fingers continues to trace to and tease. I twitch and my toes curl.

"More," I mange to say. "I want more." I beg.

"Is that so?" He raises an eyebrow.

"Yes!"

"Then I'll give you more." He says, leaning down, kisses me passionately, our lips making a storm of lust and longing. His hand finally on my breasts, I want him to kiss them, give them all the attention I crave. His hands rough, our hips connect. But something is wrong, something in my body is not responding to the stimuli. It is the right conditions, my breasts being fondled, my groin on his groin, shirtless. The only thing that is off is my loins, they are not hot with anticipation. Nothing is happening and I start to panic, my brows furrow, my hands on Samuel's shoulders, I push him off quickly. He gives me a look of worry and confusion, with a dash of hurt.

"What's wrong?" He asks.

"I- I don't know." I say, blinking. "I'm not," I pause, "Responding." I say. He gives me a look of concern.

"Okay." He says, slowly. He lays down next to me. "Is there anything I can do?" He asks, twirling a strand of my hair betwixt his fingers.

"Touch me, lower." I suggest, my forehead in a sweat.

"Are you sure?" He asks, scooting closer.

My mind races, what could possible be wrong? This has never happened before. I am very easy to turn on. This issue is completely foreign to me. I almost want to cry, but I stop myself, maybe if he just touches it directly maybe something with spark within me. His finger travel down my stomach, and I hold my breath, this is the first time his going to touch me in such an intimate manner. Oh god, I feel his finger, delicate dance within my folds. But, nothing, no reaction, no blood flow. After five minutes of trying, my pants slowly turn into sobs, and he retracts his finger from my loins. His eyes in utter shock.

"I'm- I'm sorry!" He exclaims, "Did I hurt you?" He says, panic fills his voice.

"No." My voice barely audible from my sobs. "It's not you." I sniffle, trying to contain myself. I feel his arms wrap around me. He rocks me back and forth, trying to comfort me. "I don't know what's wrong with me." I continue, "I don't-"

"Shhhh." he hushes me, He cradles my head, stroking my hair. "It's okay, it's okay." he coos.

What is wrong with me? Why now? Then it clicks. It's you, you are stopping me from enjoying the carnal pleasures from my fiance. It's you! That's why I couldn't go further the first time this happened! I should have known better, I should have… known better. 


	22. Choices

"Alucard."  
My voice calls for your company, in the darkness of my office, the only thing illuminating light is the moon behind my window. I have a plan, I want to see if it actually works, if I am just being paranoid, and there is something legitimately wrong with me. Or it is you keeping me from enjoying the pleasures of my soon to be married life. Oddly enough, I much rather have nerve damage than it be something that you concocted.

I hear your footsteps come near, before you slink into my office. You're face somber, and for a moment I wonder what is wrong. You come up to my desk.

"Yes, my master?" You ask. I clasp my hands together, I know what I am about to suggest is out of bonds for our current relationship, but I must know if it is you.

"I need to ask a favor my servant." I look up at you, your eyes, they seem curious, yet filled with dread, and this sets off my suspicion. I raise my brow, you look guilty somehow.

"What is your favor?" You ask, leaning down slightly, carefully. I get up from my chair, read my thoughts Alucard, read them so I do not have to explain. I do not want the words to leave my lips.

"I am quite embarrassed to say, but I need you to." I pause, geastiring with my hands the words I need to say but can't. "Need you to to to,-"

"To what master? What's wrong?" You ask, your brows quirked upward, and crease between them.

"Here." I say, moving you out of the way, I sit on the edge of my desk, my legs slightly open. I see you stiffen.

"Master," You say curiously, your eyes lower on my frame. "What are you doing?" You speak, your voice sounds disappointed some how. I thought you would jump up for enjoy at the sight of the prospect of my affections.

"I need you to test something." I say. "Just trust me."

"I didn't do it." You say, abruptly. I gasp.

"But- but-" I struggle to find words. All I could come with is, "You saw?" I ask. You give me a confused look.

"Saw what?" You ask. Relief washes over me, okay, so you didn't see.

"Nevermind, it's not important. I mean it is, but-" I pause. "Nothing, nevermind, just listen to me." I command, you straighten up.

"All right."

"I need you to touch me." I blink, flushing.

"Touch you?" You say, curiously. My breath shakes. I take your hands, and put them on my knees. I hear you gasp.

"Master!" you exclaim. "Here? Now? Won't we be caught?" You ask.

"No, we won't." I say, my hands still on yours, I guide them slowly upward, closer to my narrow wake. I feel you tremble, I am trembling myself. I get your fingertips incredibly close.

"Master," you murmur. "Master, please don't tease me." You quietly plead. But I wasn't trying to, I am trying to see if you are as big as a dog as you say you are.

"I'm not," I whisper. "I need to see something." I say.

"See what? My pain, my sorrow, my neverlasting longing? You are being wicked." You tell me, pitfullily.

"I just, need to know," I say, trying to justify myself.

"Need to know what?" You ask.

"If I'm crazy." I say, your hands caressing the inside of my thighs, and I feel the blood, rushing, rushing to my most intimate area.

"Master, if anyone is crazy it's me." Your eyes flutter with the scent of my arousal. "You are going to kill me, my master, you are going to be my death." Your hands squeeze my tender flesh, and I sent in a heat. I look at you, my eyes full of lust. And in that moment I knew, it wasn't you, it wasn't Sam, it is me. I am the one to blame. I am the trollope. I am one that wants her vampire to lay her in bed. I am nothing but a woman who is trying to replace my love with someone else. Samuel is safe, Samuel is the life I can have, Samuel represents the sanity I need. But I did not want it. I want my vampire, I want my servant. But that didn't mean I didn't love my human partner, I do love him, I love him deeply. But I cannot deny that I also, want you. My body is now telling me it needs a break from it's human counterpart. It wants the vampire it was use to, what it craved. But I must deny, deny, deny, deny, deny it all!

I remove your hands from my thighs. Looking away from your longing eyes.

"Master?" You say, your voice in a panic.

"I need, I need to think over somethings." I quietly.

"What's wrong?" You ask, your hands on my shoulders. I tremble, wondering if I should tell you, but it's not like it matters much now anyway.

"Samuel." I state, still looking away from you. "Samuel and I were in bed last night, and I couldn't," I pause, thinking if I should continue. "Couldn't become aroused." I say, finally looking you. Your eyes soften.

"Master, i'm sorry." You murmur. You pull me into your arms.

"So, it wasn't you?" I ask. You pull me away to look down upon me.

"What do you mean?" You blink.

"You didn't interfere?" I ask.

You shake your head. "No, as much as I am saddened at your decision to choose him, I do not pry into your intimate life."

"So, it is me. What is wrong with me." I ask myself. I shake my head.

"Nothing is wrong with you." You say, your voice deadly quiet. "You just need to think things over." You caress my hair, putting your chin on my head.

"Should I marry him? Alucard, should I marry him, should I promise myself to a man to whom I cannot satisfy?"

"That is up to you, I cannot say if you should or not, if you love him, then I don't see why not." You say, "But if you still have feelings for me. Then, let him down easy."

My mouth goes dry, can I really do that? Could I really let him down? Let Connie down? Let myself down? No, I may be wicked, but I am not completely cruel. I love Sam, despite my actions, I would just have to keep practicing. I wonder if he and I could go further, maybe even making love, maybe then my feelings for you will disappear.

"I am not going to let him down." I say, sternly, pulling out of your arms. "I refuse."

"Then let me go." You say, "Let me go, and then you can."

"You know I can't go that." I speak, lowly. Funny, now you are the one trying to keep us separated.

"Then, the choice is you're my master. I will be waiting, always."

"You'll be waiting forever."

"I know." 


	23. The Dress

I look in the mirrors of the dressing room. The dress I am wear is modest, white, simple. It wasn't my first choice, but it would do just fine. Samuel was a but upset I did let him be there when I chose it. But I felt it fitting for the situation, I want to be romantic, or something resembling it anyway. I don't know how to face Samuel after what happened the other day. He and I had not had a regular conversation since the incident. Even Christmas seemed stiff and unpleasant. Samuel and I sat, stiff and unblinking while Connie had opened her gifts with glee, I am bit disappointed with myself I did not keep my emotions concealed more for Connie's sake. Samuel had gotten me a golden watch, and I had gotten him a full designer suit, for his business trips of course. He loved it, I watched him look at himself in the mirror, smiling at me. I felt a great feeling love fill my chest when I saw his gratefulness.

"Seras," I say, she stands up from the chair behind me. A smile on her face.

"Yes, Sir?" She asks.

"Could you please button the back of my dress the rest of the way?" I ask, rather than demand. She nod, buttoning up my dress the rest of the way. The back of the dress is sheer, and has tiny floral print embroidered in the sheer white. The rest of the dress is a floral mesh print. It seems to sparkle in the light as I move. While I did not like that about the dress, everything else seems to cancel it out. It is perfect, i'm glad I chose it.

Seras buttoned up the rest of my dress. It tightens around my chest and stomach, making my figure more prominent.

"You look lovely." Seras says, moving to stand in front of me. She looks at me with admiring eyes.

"Thank you Seras." I thank her, closing my eyes, I take a deep breath. She looks at me, and I think of how silly she looks in her uniform right about now. She looks at me with deep, longing eyes, like she is saddened by something. Maybe because she is a vampire, and could never be in a true matrimony. Or maybe it is something else. "Seras? Is something on your mind?" I ask. She blinks, her eyes wide, snapped out of her funk.

"N-no." She says, looking down, with a slight smile, then she looks at me. "It's just, while I never thought of getting married, the opportunity was stripped away from me before i could make that decision, and watching you, is bittersweet." She answers me. For some reason I thought of this as a half truth, the truth covering up the actual truth. I smile, then slightly frown.

"I'm sorry if I am causing you any discomfort." I say, "You don't have to be here." I tell her gently.

She shakes her head at me. "N-no, I want to be here." She smiles at me, reassuringly. I can't stop thinking of how innocent her smile is, even if she is a vampire. I smile at her back. She looks down, her cheeks flushed.  
"Seras." I say her name. "Give me my pants will you?" I ask her. She compiles, Handing me my pants, I take a small pocket knife of my pant pocket. Her eyes widen.

"Sir?" She questions, worryingly. "What are you doing?"

I don't answer her, but I knife my finger. I smile at her, suggestively. "Oh my," I chuckle. "I've cut myself, I don't want it to get on my dress." I grin.

"Sir, wha-"

"Will you give me a kiss?"

Her mouth drops, her eyes look at me, then the blood dripping from my finger. Her eyes turn a deep red. I see her mouth salivate.

"S-sir- Integra." She moans my name, and I slowly drift my finger to her palette. But we are interrupted. I quickly turn my head to find my fiance in the doorway. His eyes on us, a crease between his brow, as he was trying to figure out what is happening in front of him, i quickly take my hand away, and I hear Seras whimper under her breath.

"Am…" Samuel trails off. "I interrupting something?" He manages to spit out.

I try to find words, but nothing comes to mind. I see Seras out of the my eye, she turns to him, the red in her eyes fading quickly.

"No," she chirps happily. "She just cut herself on accident."

"Oh," He manges. "Oh, oh my. " He walks over to me, taking a piece of cloth out of his pocket, cradling my bleeding finger in the white cloth. I see Seras stiffen, uncomfortably.

"Integra, I leave you alone for a day, and you already gone and hurt yourself." He says with mock concern.

"Sam! You can't see me in my dress!" I protest as he tends to my self inflicted wound. He scoffs at me, and I am slightly offended.

"You're injury is more important, but it's beautiful." he looks from my hand, smiling overly so, with closed eyes, then he kisses me. I chuckle awkwardly looking to the side, avoiding eye contact. But he forces me to look at him, grabbing my chin.

"Now, why have you cut yourself?" He asks me, I flush

"There was a stray string on the dress, so I had to cut it." I smile. He buys the lie. He kisses me again.

"Well then," he steps away from me, examining my dress. "It's elegant, like you." he compliments me. I chuckle.

"Thank you darling." I say, he keeps pressing hard into my wound, until it dries. He holds my hands. I notice Seras is less uncomfortable, she puts her hand on Sam's shoulder.

"Isn't she?" She agrees with Sam. He turns around, letting go of my hands, he puts his arm around Seras, and they both look up at me admiringly. Their smiles wide.

"You two don't have to stare like that." I chuckle, embarrassed. They let go of each other.

"My apologies darling." Samuel says. Seras nods along with him. He puts his arm around my waist. "But you're easy to admire." He continues to smile. Seras says nothing, but scratches her ear.

"Thank you, you aren't hard on the eyes yourself." I wink at him. Seras shifts, awkwardly.

"I'm sorry, Seras, are we making you uncomfortable?" Sam asks, cocking his head.

"No, no." She says, looking down, then back up. "Can I be relieved?" She ask me. I blink.

"Yes, you may go."

She smiles at me and leaves.

Samuel puts his hands on my waist, and moves in front of me.

"Integra." He looks up at me.

"Yes, dear?" I ask.

"Since we are to be married soon, I would like to decide where to go for our honeymoon."

"Well," I say in thought, my hand on my chin. "Somewhere familiar."

"Familiar to you, or me?" He asks.

"Either one," I smile.

"Well, there is my home in Colorado."

That is what I wanted to hear, that's where I wanted to go, and I am not sure why I did not just say so. I've always wanted to see what his life was like before me, before he ever knew I existed. I am intrigued by his past self.

"I would like that!" I say.

"Good!" he hugs me tightly. I chuckle, he does the same. 


	24. The Honeymoon: Part I

The wedding went smoothly. Although it rained all that day and night. I had met Jacks again, we shared a dance together, he was, and still is, quite abrasive. Sir Penwood and I shared a dance as well, he was gentle and kind about it. But nothing really matched our dance together. It was getting towards the end of the night, and Everyone had, had their fill on the wedding party. But not you, you stood on the balcony, you wore a vest, if I remember correctly. Samuel had leaned over and told me, "Looks like someone is waiting for you." Then he urged me towards you, I did not wish to see you. But Samuel was already gone when I went to turn back around. I swallow my ride, and I had walked towards you. Stepping outside, the cool air washed over my skin.

"Alucard, are you here for someone?" I asked you. You turned around, your eyes filled with longing, and admiration.

"Yes, in fact, I am." You grinned at me. I smile back.

"Who is it?" I asked.

"I think you know." You said. Holding out your hand to me, I take it. You pulled me in tightly to your body. I turn my head quickly, making sure no one was looking at us, luckily all the guests were distracted. You spin me around in circles. Your mouth was close to my ear.

"I'm going to miss you." You said.

"Well," I paused, trying to find the right answer. "I suppose," I swallow, "I'll miss you too." I blinked, not looking at you, I was looking inside, Samuel and Seras were dancing and respectable distance. And Connie was standing in the corner, Penwood conversing with the child best he knew how.

"It's not like it matters, it's not like you care about me anyway." You remark, with a teasing grin.

"Why don't you think I care about you?" I asked.

"You haven't kissed me yet." You said, standing up straight.

"Are you guilting me for a kiss?" I asked, slightly annoyed.

"No." You answered. "I am just seeing if you would." The grin on your face slipping.

I pull you out of the view of the glass double door. I kissed your cheek, you purred happily.

"There, do you feel better?" I asked.

"No."

"No?"

"Because, you promised yourself to someone else." You said, your voice empty, but I don't feel any remorse. I do not regret my decision to marry someone I love. I love you too, but I love him more.

"I do not care, Alucard, really, you are beating a dead horse." I nearly growled at you. My brows lowered on my face. "I chose him. I will always chose him, and you can't stop me." I snapped, we continued dancing regardless of my outburst, which you didn't seem to react to.

"No, I won't stop you, but you will stop yourself." You retorted.

I blink. "That's not possible." I growled.

"It is possible!" You exclaimed, "Bonding be damned."

My eyes narrowed on you, anger filling every bone in my body. You shrink back, letting me go.

"Never, bring that up again." I said, in a deadly voice. 

I do not remember the trip to Colorado to well, in fact, I believe I had slept a majority of the trip. I made sure not to ask too many questions, I wanted it to be a culture shock. I had never been to America. And to be honest, it never crossed my mind until I married my husband. But now, this old manor of his, is now mine, and a part of Hellsing is now his. We are wildly rich, and own multiple properties together. I would have a few legal documents when I got back home, but I needn't concern myself with it now. My mind is too focused on what is to come.

"Now, when we get there, I want you to stay close." Samuel whispers in my ear on the plane. It's 5am in Denver. I don't say anything but nod. I rest my head on his shoulder. He kisses my forehead. I shut my eyes, drifting off to sleep.

I awoke again, Samuel looks out the window, I look over his lap and I gasp in a small voice. The mountains, covered in beautiful green trees, they are absolutely breathtaking. Samuel turns to me and smiles.

"Amazing, aren't they?" he asks, I nod. I look at his jaw, and kiss it. He had shaved for the wedding, and he is already growing back stubble.

Once we land, I had never seen so many people in one place, the Denver airport bustled with people. I hold Samuel's hand as he guides me through. Vincent is with us for security. Plus, to give us any reports in case of emergency. I would hate to leave early, but duty comes first.

Vincent calls a cab from us, and hands us our bags. We put them in the back of the cab, and get in. Vincent gets in front of the cab, and tells cab driver where to go. I knew where we are going. His mansion, in mountains. I am very excited to see it. Samuel wraps his arm around mine. I hold him tightly. As we drive through the city, I look in amazement at the all the skyscrapers The city is beautiful. Samuel leans in close to my ear.

"You see that building over there?" He points to the right of him. I turn to see where he is point. The building stood tall, and the sky reflected against the glass of the windows.

"Yes, I see." I say.

"That's mine." he whispers. "That is where my organtizon is based." he tells me. My eyes go wide.

"In the middle of the city?" I question him.

"Hide in plain sight." he justifies himself.

I nod in acknowledgement. "I can understand that." I say. We drive out of the city, and head onto a thin highway, and I wonder how after we are going to go. I look at Samuel for answer. But he does not notice. I watch the city get further and further behind us. I keep thinking of how inconvenient it would to have my organization in a different part of the city. How many times I would have missed something, then again, he and I do different things. He made weapons to kill vampires and the like, and I am the one who puts the killing into action. I suppose we did compliment each other in that as well. He is the defensive, and I am the offensive. I give him a kiss on the temple.

After about 30 minutes of driving we come to a the entrance of a small town. We drive slow up to a stop light, and I take notice of people waving at Samuel from the outside. He smiles, and waves at them back.

"You know these people?" I ask him, curious.

"Yes I do, I pump money into this town, I keep it afloat." He says, "I know these people because I own this town."

My eyes narrow. "I see." I tell him. "How, charitable of you." I compliment. He nods. Vincent says something to the cab driver I do not understand. I turn back to Samuel. A small red headed child runs up to the cab, trying to keep us with us as we drive off up the road. Out of the small town, we go up hill for what seemed like 2 miles. Then we drive up a small hill, to a black stone gate, vincent gets out of the car, but not before handing the cab driver a big chunk of american cash, Samuel gets out of the cab, and I follow. Vinny gets our bags out of the trunk. Samuel puts in the code of the keypad on the gate. I look around in my surroundings. Trees upon trees all around, mountains and clouds. The air thin and fresh, much thinner than I was use too. I hear the gate buzz and turn my head, when it opens, I gasp. His home, his mansion, is so modern and breathtaking. It's in the shape of a modern castle, and covered in large rectangular windows. Large stone bricks made up the structure. They are a honey brown color. Vincent walks ahead of us. He sets our bags at the door, then he pulls out a key, unlocking the front double doors. I try to peek inside, but I am unsuccessful in my attempt. Samuel puts his arm me as we walk up the circle drive. We walk up the steps, I see lights flicker on inside, I see a large shandler shine brightly above the front door before we enter. Once I step beyond the threshold, a sweet smell greets me, i blink, taking in my surroundings. It is spacious, yet, very quint at the same time. The wildness just inches from the windows. Frist, is the living room. A wrap around couch is in the middle of the living space, it's in a small pit, along with a coffee table. The table is glass, and the legs on it stone. Then a large flat thing is hung on the wall, I wonder for a movement if it is a T.V. Then I look up the living to the dinner area, a long table, with 10 chairs on each side. Then I see only a little bit of the kitchen. Double doors separate the dining area and the kitchen. That is only a little glimpse of his mansion I got.

Samuel takes our bags inside.

"Samuel, you're home is beautiful!" I compliment, wide eyed. I smile at him. He smiles back.

"Thank you deary! But it is yours too." he chirps, then he leans down and kisses my forehead, he walks forward, taking my hand.

"Come with me.." he says, "I want to show you something. I am taken through the dining room, then he takes me down a long hallway, stairs that slight down. Pictures line the hallway, pictures of family, no art work fills the walls. Just a wholesome family, in which now, I am a part of. He takes me to his backyard. My eyes wide with wonderment. A beautiful glass lake was in the center of his backyard, trees reflected in the clear water, a small sand beach surrounded it. The sky reflects in the center of the rippling water. I walk down to the lower part of the long, half circle porch. Samuel follows down the steps, putting his hand on my shoulders as he stops behind me.

"This is all yours." he tells me.

"All mine." I whisper to myself. Samuel slides to the side of me, holding my hand. "So, what do you think?" he asks.

"It's amazing." I tell him, my husband. "So, this where you grew up?" I ask.

"When I was a teenager." He clearifies.

"I see." I say.

We stay quietly staring at the lake.

"Let's go inside." He says, I nod. Once we go inside, he takes our bags up the stairs. We walk up at spiral staircase. Walking down a long and wide hallway. A long window replaces where a wall should be and the forest touches it. I can see birds flying from tree limb to tree limb. The sunlight glinting through the leaves, Making patterns on the floor. I feel as if I am in the forest. Samuel finally reaches a single long, tall, grey door, with a gold handle. He sets our bags down, then opens it. It leads to a master bedroom. There are no walls, aside from a mini hallway leading to the bathroom and closet. All windows, at the mercy of the wilderness. The light through the trees dances on the king bed with white sheets. The room is minimalist. Long, rectangular. The floor is made of dark hardwood.

"This is your room?" I ask.

"Yes." He answers.

"It's so…" I try to think of a response. "Not you." I tell him. He turns to me, blinking.

"Hm?"

"Your room back home, is more, full." i explain.

"That's not me." he explains. "I prefer more minimalist styles." He tells me.

"I see." narrowing my eyes.

I sit on the bed, crossing my ankles. His bed is soft, and the comforter is fluffy. He goes into the closet, and comes out a few minutes later in casual clothes. A white t-shirt, and blue jeans. I have never seen him dress so casual. I give him a confused look.

"What? You don't think i'm going to walk around in suits the whole time i'm here do you?" He ask me. I'm not sure how to answer. I'm not sure if I should tell him I packed only my professional clothes. "Honey?" He presses for an answer.

"I don't know." I say. "I just never seen you like this." I add.

"Do you have any casual clothes?" He asks. I wait a moment before shaking my head.  
"Oh dear." He adds. "Well, do fret, i'll have Vincent pick you up some things." He tells me before joining to sit with me on the bed. I am wearing a double breasted murve suit. With brown shoes.

"You're a small correct?" He asks, I nod. I lay down on his- our bed. Strange, I don't feel married at all. Nothing has changed inside of me. Sam lays down next to me. His fingers playing with the tips of my hair. He smiles.

"Are you tired?" He asks, chuckling.

"Sort of, I know I rested on the plane but I don't feel like it really matters."

"Do you want to take a nap?" He asks. I close my eyes.

"That sounds nice." I say in a small voice. I didn't realize how tired I really am.

"Then, when you wake up, I'll something planned for us." He leans over and kisses me. I slowly drift off into a twilight state of sleep, coming in and out of consciousness. When I finally wake, I am tangled in the fluffy white sheets. I stretch, and I realize I am not in my clothes I was in before, I am just wearing my button up, with my pants. Samuel must have undressed me. I sit up. The sunlight through the trees is a dark amber colour. Must be later in the afternoon, I get up and go to the bathroom. It's spacious, gold and black, with white marble floors. I see my reflexion in the floor. I look up, the ceiling is made of glass. I have never felt so exposed. I see the closet doors slightly ajar, and walk past the open shower. No walls, not sliding door, no curtain. Just an open tile floor, and a removable shower head. Hm. I go into the closet, a long hallway, filled with shoes. Men's and women's. I assume they use to be Victoria's. I am not upset by this. He hadn't been here since last year, and he no idea he was going to be married. There is a door slightly open at the end of the hall, I peek through, I see my husband, naked. My eyes go wide. This isn't exactly how I imagined my first time seeing him naked would go.

"Samuel." My voice, quiet. I gaze upon the sliver of his body I could see. His muscles, oh god, and his skin. If he wasn't human, I would think he was made of marble. I see him stand up straight, and he puts on a pair of pants quickly.

"Yes, dear, come in." he says.

I step inside, and give him a gentle smile. "Changing already?" I tease. He laughs.

"Well, I thought I might change, since I want to take you into town tonight." He explains.

"Where are we going?" I ask.  
"There is band playing, at this little bar in town, it's very quaint." He tells me. I nod.

"I see." I walk to him. I look around the closet, men's and women's clothes. I walk over to a colourful dress, I lift up the hem of the dress. "Are these Victoria's?" I ask, gesturing to the women's clothing.

"Yes." Samuel says, "If it makes you uncomfortable, I can get rid of them."

I shake my head, "No." I say, "Does it make you uncomfortable?" I ask, cocking my head, letting go of my dress. He sighs, eyeing me, his breath shaking, he approaching me, taking my hands.

"No, no, It's just.." he pauses. "I don't want to think I am replacing her with you." He says. I sigh, but I smile.

"I don't feel that way." I explain. "I have never felt that way."

He strokes my cheek, and I put my hands around his waist. "Okay, good." He says, kissing my forehead. "Now,, i'm going to get dressed." he tells me, letting me go, slightly turning around, but I do not budge.

"What I can't see you get dressed?" I ask, playfully, but I am very curious, I have yet to see what lies below my husband's belt. I want to see.

"Uh, I, well." he chuckles, scratching the back of his head, his tongue clicks on the roof of his mouth. "I suppose, you could." he nods. His cheeks flush. "Don't you want to wait for that?" he asks.

I sigh, maybe he is right. "I'll undress if it makes you more comfortable." I say, smiling reassuringly.

"Oh?" he tilts his head, his flush cheeks gone. My heart races. "Well, I won't look if you don't."

I nod. And I slowly take off my shirt, and pants, keeping my eyes on his eyes, he takes off his pants. He does not divert from my gaze. I feel exposed, I feel at his will, if he made the first move, I wouldn't stop him. "Can I look?" I ask. He swallows.

"Yes, you may."  
My eyes drift downward. "Oh." I gasp, my eyes wide. "Oh, Oh my." I put my hand to my chest. "That's a bit…" I try to find the words. "Scary?"

"Scary?" He ask, "What?" He seems a little worried.

"Well, no, just." I pause. "Overwhelming?"

"So It's overwhelming?" he asks.

"Yes," I nod, confident in my answer. I see him crack a grin.

"Wel, I promise I'll be gentle." he grins. I feel the heat rise in my cheeks. I slowly begin to remove my bra, my breath shaking, I let it fall to the floor. His eyes, look down at my bare breasts, and I see longing consume his eyes.

"You're beautiful." He remarks. "Can I.." he trails off, taking a step forward.

"You may." I nod. I brace myself for his touch but it does not come, instead he wraps his arms around me, our heartbeats loud. He holds me tightly. And I hold him tightly as well. His warm skin, smooth and firm underneath my hands. It feels wonderful to finally feel him this way. My chest touching his, and I feel his manhood against my leg. It makes me jolt a little. He just holds me tighter for a few moments longer before letting me go.

"Did you like that?" He asks, looking down at me, smiling. I nod, smiling back.

"Good." He kisses my forehead. I close my eyes for a brief moment, taking in his scent. He turns away from me, and goes to look through his clothes. I watch him get dressed. Black slacks, and a striped, casual button up. He didn't button up all the way. I lean on the doorway, my arms crossed.

"While you were asleep, Vincent got you something." he says, turning to me, I still being naked, perked up.

"Did he?" I ask.

"Yes," he answers, "i'll show you, stay here." he says. He leaves the room, the comes back with a bag that says "Marc Jacobs' on it. He hands me the bag, and I sit it on the closet floor, and I pull out a silky dress. It's a rich, dark green color, modest, above the knee. A very classy look. But it does not look like something I could wear out in public. I give samuel a worried look. He frowns, "What's wrong?" he says, "you don't like it?" He asks.

"Well, I'm not sure I can be caught out in public in this." I say, "it's very beautiful, but I don't think I show that much skin without being looked at." I explain myself.

He begins to smile, then he laughs.

"What's so funny?" I ask, a little offended.

"Integra, honey." he puts his hands on my shoulder, "This isn't work, you can wear what you want, you don't have to worry about keeping up appearances, this is our honeymoon, let your hair down for once."

I blink. Rolling over his words. He is right. This isn't work, this isn't like back home. No one knew who I was here, I didn't have to fight to keep my power here. I could be, free. Not a knight, not a vampire Killer. Just an average, newly married woman, enjoying her honeymoon. I finger the dress, then put it on.

"That's my girl!" Samuel claps.

Later that evening, we go into the big garage attached to the house. Four cars line up. One a 1999 audi a8, then a silver 1997 audi cabriolet. I wasn't sure what the other two cars were, I am even surprised I knew what the first two are. He goes to the little key holder, pulls out a pair of keys, we take the cabriolet. The roof down, the hot summer night air blowing through my long hair. I wearing black heels. They weren't something I brought, but vincent bought. I wobble in them. This is the first time I wore heels, I didn't even wear heels at my own wedding.

We drive into town, down hill. Driving to a strip of shops, and cars, loud music playing, filling the night air. Hundreds of people, walk the streets. We park on the side, next to the sidewalk. Samuel opens the door for me, I take his hand, and I get out of the car. He shuts the door behind me. We walk down the sidewalk in the direction of the music. People calling Sam's name waving at him, and giving me curious looks. We head to a big bar called "Dirtys". We enter the bar, music pounded in my ear drum. It's a spacious bar. The smell of alcohol and food fills the air. It's made of dark wood and exposed brick.

"Hey hey!" I hear some say. "Sam!" I turn to the voice. Sam smiles brightly.

"Hey!" he smiles at an older gentlemen. They shake hands then hug.

"How you've been?" The man asks.

"I've been good." Sam says, then he perks up. "Harold, this is my wife, Integra." He introduces me. I perk up.

"Hello." I shake the man's hand.

"Hello, i'm harold, the mayor." he says. I chuckle. A mayor at a local bar? How rual. I let go of the man's rough hand.

"Well well," Harold 'the mayor' says, "You are a very beautiful woman." He compliments me.

"Thank you." I smile.

"She is, isn't she?" Samuel wraps his arm around my shoulders, squeezing it.

"So how did you two meet?" He asks us. Samuel speaks first.

"We met at a ball." he speaks over the loud music.

"Oh, fancy." He says, "Well, i'll talk to you two later, I gotta go." he says. "It was nice meeting you Integra." he smiles at me. I smile back.

"Nice meeting you too." I say before he walks away. Once he is out of ear shot, I turn to sam.

"You didn't tell me you were friends the the mayor." I say. He grins.

"Like I said, I put a lot of money into this town, you get to know people that way." he explains himself.

"Sure sure." I say, agreeing. He takes me by the hand, and gestures toward the music. I follow outside, to a little deck, above the live band playing. They sounded all right. A woman sang a high pitched tune while the band plays their hearts out. Sam takes me by the hands, and looks into my eyes.

"Care to dance?" he asks me.

"I'd love too."

Once we make back to his place, I am considerably bubbly. Too many glasses of wine, but I am still fully functioning, fully aware of my decisions and actions, I suppose it was only two glasses. Samuel seems a little bubbly himself. We go back into the house, I take off my shoes. He does the same, He takes me to little deck area attached to the dining area, with a wicker furniture. We sit down on the couch, the sound of chirping insects could be hear from the lake. He kisses me softly. I look down at the table in front of, two champagne glasses, and a bottle of champagne.

"Oh, what's this?" I ask, chuckling.

"It's champagne," he says, "I had Vincent set it out for us for when we got back." He explains, opening the bottle. He pours me a glass, then himself, he lifts up the glass.

"Cheers?"

"Cheers."

We clink our glasses together. We both take a sip, then set our glasses down. I kiss him, and he kisses me back tenderly. His hands on my jaw, he pulls away.

"I love you." he tells me softly. 

I wake the next morning, dull throb between my legs. Samuel and I, naked, our bodies tangled together in a reminder of a night of passionate love making. I feel so strange. My body feels different, as if it is no longer tied down to some made up virtue. I could now be free with my body, I could be a free, sexually mature woman. I kiss Sam on the temple, he is still asleep. A dull and low snore escapes his lips. I smile at him. No man on earth could beat him, my want for him, love for him. He looks so peaceful as he sleeps. I move a piece of hair out of his face. I sit up, I try to stand, but the pain between my legs throbs as I move, putting on my dress from last night. I cover up Samuel with a throw blanket before going into the kitchen.

The kitchen is made of white marble, and the long island is filled with tons of breakfast food. The early morning sunlight reflecting on white marble kitchen, blinding me. I find a pair of shades, I put them on, that's better. I take a small plate, a put a couple of pancakes on it, putting syrup all over them. I sit at the island. Eating them quietly. I hear footsteps. I look up to find my husband, hungover, smiling at me. He hands me a glass of water.

"Drink this." he says. "You'll feel better."

I do as instructed, I look up at him, trying to smile. He strokes my cheek.

"I hope last night wasn't-" he begins to speak.

"It was perfect." I say, "Not exactly how I pictured my first time. But it was with you." I lean into his chest on the chair. He holds me tightly.

"I can make it up to you." He tells me.

"Repeat tonight?" I ask.

"If that's what you wish."


	25. The Honeymoon: part II

I look upon my wife, the early morning sun shining on her blonde hair. She is wearing my shades, shielding her eyes from the light in the kitchen. She's beautiful, her hair matted to her face, bags underneath her eyes. I go get her a glass of water, and approach quietly as she eats on the island.

"Drink this." I say, getting her attention. I smile at her, I hope I didn't look hungover. She smiles at me, and drinks the water. I stroke her cheek,

"I hope last night wasn't-" I begin to say, but she cuts me off.

"It was perfect." Her words echo in my mind. Was it really? I always figured our first time would be more romantic than a fiery passionate jumble of limps on the floor. I still can see the image in my head. Integra, my wonderful, beautiful wife, on her back. Her legs spread apart by my hands. Her right hand, laying on her thigh, and her left hand under her chin, her eyes closed, her cheeks red. Her chest moving up and down rapidly, her pants and moans filling the air around us. It was like something switched in her that night, she was far more eager than before. Like she was detached from everything, responsibility, her duty, she gave it all up in the moment. To be with me. I couldn't help but feel adored, and a bit smug. Alucard was wiped from her memory.

"I can make it up to you." I say, but I think she will decline, I see her fidget and squirm, very slightly. But to my surprise she agrees, and while I don't want to hurt her more, I can't say if she gave me instructions, I would not be able to resist.

"So A repeat?" I ask for cleariation.

"Yes, but this time, I want to be in charge." Integra says in a hazy husk. I perk up, wrapping my arms around her fully, kissing her temple and forehead.

"Well, we will see how you handle, Mrs. Hellsing." I smile at her. She smiles back at me. Pain and all.

"I didn't hurt you too much, did I?" I ask concerned.

She doesn't answer for a moment, she looks down at her lap, then back up at me. "No." She says, in a small timid voice.

"Don't lie to me, Integra." I say sternly.

"Well," She pauses. "I think I might have rushed it." She smiles at me, she cheeks full of pink.

"Rushed is one way to put it." I say, sarcastically, still my face cheery.

"I don't regret a single thing." She removes her shades, and kisses my lips. She tastes like syrup. I pull away,

"So what would you like to do to today?" I ask her, getting myself a plate of the breakfast food laid out in front of me. I sit in front of her. She is silent in thought.

"I'm not sure, can we stay in bed?" She asks. I perk up curiously.

"Stay in bed?" I ask, "Why, you have nature, and large city at your fingertips. And you want to stay in bed?"

"Well.." Her eyes gesture to her lower reigns. Then it clicked in my head. Oh, I see.

"I see, well, I have a T.V, in my room so we don't get bored." I say.

"T.V?" She questions, taking a bite of a golden apple.

"Yeah, it comes out of the wall." I explain. "It's a flat screen, it cost me quite a bit."

"I have never seen a flat screen." She tells me, her smile bright as she finishes her apple. She makes a satisfied hum. She then slinks over to me, sitting in my lap as I ate.

"Can I help you?" I say, teasing her, rubbing her back.

"I want to be close to you." She says, putting her arm around my shoulder. She's warm, and smells of last night linger in her hair. I say nothing, but kiss her jaw, and finish my meal.

Sex, it seems, has made her more physically affectionate. After we finish breakfast, we head to the shower, Integra stays by my side the whole time. I wash her long platinum locks. And she in turn washes my thick, ebony locks. She looks so beautiful as the shower water trickled on her body. I always imagined she looked like this naked. Small, firm, breasts, wide hips, slender legs, long slender feet. Her hair stuck to her body, caressing her hips. She looks up at me, eyes in wonderment, examining my body.  
"You are the most beautiful human being I have ever seen." Integra says, blinking. Her hands on my chest. She squeezes me. I laugh.

"Thank you darling." I smile. A little amused at her mesmerized eyes. She always liked touching my body, especially my chest and stomach. "I think you're beautiful too." I kiss her ear. She shudders, her eyes closed, she wraps herself around me, kissing my pecs. Then her lips move to my neck. I tremble, trying to keep my cool. My hands rest at her sides, rubbing them up and down.

"Can we try again right now?" Integra asks me, she looks up and me, her eyes begging. I sigh.

"Can you handle it?" I ask, putting my hands on her shoulders. She nods.

"I want it." She whispers.

"All right." I nod to the side. "But first, we must do this right." I say, moving my hands to her breasts and then to her hips, then, my right hand moves to her hot silk. She bites her bottom lip, and closes her eyes. Soft moans escapes my wife's lips. Her legs open more, and she leans against the shower wall. My fingers greedily please her, and she rewards me with her words, "Oh god." and "Fuck." and so on and so forth. She finishes but I am not finished. I get on my knees, and put one of her legs on my shoulder. My tongue devours her. She bucks her hips, and moans upsenites. She did not last very long. She almost falls over, but I catch her before she hits the shower floor. I take a towel, and dry her, before bringing her to the bedroom. The bed is untouched, but not for long. I lay her on her back. Her eyes glazed over. I climb on top of her, her legs wrap around my hips. All I hear her say is,

"I am yours."

We have made love a total of 12 times in 3 days. Integra was in full temptress mode it seems. She wanted me so badly, even if I was in the other room she would follow me. Be attached to my hip, begging for me to take her at any given opportunity. We did it on the back porch, overlooking the lake. Her hands clasping the railing of the porch. Her moans echoing in the forest. Then another time, we were on the island in the kitchen. I held her hands behind her back. She begged me to go as hard as I wanted, so I did. Then another time, we were on the beach, surrounding my lake. Sand getting in her hair, and her hips meeting mine. And I remember this quite clearly, Integra looking up at me, smiling, biting her bottom lip, her eyes adoring, and then she says

"Hi Sam."

I will never forget that moment. It is forever ingrained in my memory. I love her so.

Today, it's has been raining, and she sits in a rocking chair, reading the paper. Wearing a soft pink silk robe, it lays loosely on her body. Her flips the paper.

"We're out of apples." She says, getting my full attention. I blink.

"You've been eating them like crazy haven't you?" I ask, but I already knew the answer. She does not answer me, but looks up from her paper, smirking.

"Must be pregnant." I joke. She rolls her eyes.

"Impossible, I'm on birth control." She says flatly, looking back at her paper. I wonder for a moment how long it has been she had her last pill. I hadn't been paying attention. I should. I walk over to her, sitting on the foot rest, where her feet lay, I pick them up and rub her toes, she curls them. Giving me a soft hum.

"Hello there." She puts her paper down. She places her feet on my lap. She tilts her head back.

"Hi." I smirk. I massage the arches of her feet.

"You spoil me so." Integra murmurs.

"I like to."

"Be careful, it might make me a bitch wife who nags you." She teases, she winks at me. I couldn't help but laugh.

"I like being bitched by you." I joke.  
"Is that so? I should try it more often." She chuckles, her hand resting on her chin, and her elbow on the arm rest. She looks at me, wanting. "You know," She continues, "I could use some more apples."

I immediately look outside, it had stopped raining quite some time ago, but it still was gloomy out.

"I can make a quick trip." I tell her. "If you want."

She grins, taking her feet off my lap, she leans forward, elbows on her knees, her legs open just enough to wear I can see her panties.

"Sure." She says in a husky voice, then she kisses my lips. "Now, hurry up, before I start nagging." She teases me. I chuckle before standing up.

"I'll be right back," I tell her. She puckers her lips at me, I take my leave, going into town. I stop at a small grocery store. Picking up 7 golden apples. But when I go home, Integra is nowhere to be found. I call for her,

"Integra?" I call again, "Integra?"

I go to our bedroom. There she is.

"Hello darling." I greet her, she's naked, honey limbed, and golden locked. A pure, cream beauty, and she is all mine. I drop the bag of apples in my hand. She grins at me, mischievously. I knew what is about to happen, I am utter powerless to her body, such a dangerous woman.

"Hello honey." She greets me back, light glitting on her face from the windows. "Come." She orders me.

"As you wish."

_

A week as passed, and everything seems as perfect as ever. Integra, seems like a completely different person, if sex is the key, I wonder if she would keep her cheery attitude would presisit when we came home. I have never seen her face so happy, so bright. The weight of her responsibilities gone, she is a young woman, a girl really. And I am her older man. She is only 22, and that has become more and more apparent as the days go on. Maybe here, she could be herself. Maybe this is woman she truly is. Maybe, if Hellsing never existed, she would be a spry, mischievous, outgoing woman. She is perfect. She is mine

Today, we are laying on the beach in my backyard, Vincent sits on the porch before us, sitting in a rocking chair, reading the paper. Integra lay in a white, one piece, soaking up the sun. Sweat beats on her forehead, and her hair is in braid. Her eyes shaded by sunglasses, she lays on her stomach. I lay on my elbows. It seems she is gaining weight. Her skin seemed fluffier than usual. I am perfectly okay with it of course. It's cute on her. I lean over and rub her back. She hums pleasantly, saying my name. I wish Vincent wasn't on the porch, I want to be a little more intimate. I lean back, and kiss Integra's ear, she squirms a little, chuckling.

"Samuel. Vincent is right there." She says, knowing exactly what I am thinking.

"I can send him away." I whisper. Then I lean back up, I call for Vinny. He perks up.

"Yes, sir?" He asks me.

"Can you make a trip to town? We are out of bread." I tell him. He nods, getting up, and leaving. Integra sits up on her elbows. She laughs.

"That was easy." She removes her sunglasses. She then leans over kissing my chin. "Now, hurry, we don't want to be caught."

I laugh, making her sit on top of me. She slips off her straps, exposing her breasts. Beautiful.

Integra and I have decided to take a couple of days out of a little hiking trip. I want to her take to the cabin my father and I built. I want share my childhood with her. I want take her to the place the that meant so much. But first, I must call my daughter.

"Daddy?" I hear Connie's sweet small voice through the phone.

"Hello baby." I greet my daughter, smiling.

"Daddy!" She says excitedly.

"So, tell me, how is everything?" I ask her, "How is Mother's home treating you?" I continue.

"Well," She pauses. "It's been soooooo boring, Walter doesn't like to play like Mommy sir does." Connie says.

"Pardon?" I blink, what did she just say? 'Mommy sir?' Where on earth did she come up with that?

"I am saying, daaad, that mommy sir plays better than Walter." She explains again.

"Mommy sir?" I question.

"Yeah, she's my new mommy, and she's a sir."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Oh, oh my." I pause, "That is quite the name you have given her."

I could feel her warm smile through the phone.

"Anyways, deary, I just want to let you know that I love you." I say.

"I love you too daddy." She says.

_

Integra and I make our through the forest, up and down large hills. She and I wear thick and heavy hiking gear, and she pants loudly. Heading to the Cabin.

"I will never let you convince me to go anywhere, ever again." Integra grunts, while struggling to get up a hill. I take her hand, helping her up.

"That's too bad." I say, "You'll miss out on a lot." I smile. I keep ahold of her soft hand as we walk.

We walk two miles before getting to the small cabin. It's covered in vines and moss, a river can be heard coming from the forest behind it. It still held up after all these years. I smile upon seeing the wooden cabin. Integra stands next to me.

"How quint." I hear her say. I take her inside. It's small, dusty. Four walls, the north wall had the bed, next to a small window. Then, then on the east wall, a kitchenette. Luckily, this place had running water, but no real plumbing aside from the sink. Then the west wall had a small closet, and in the middle of the north wall a fireplace with a pot.

Integra goes in and sets her bag down. She stretches, then sits on the bed, it creeks. She slowly takes of her hiking boots, wincing as she did so. I notice her heel is red, I walk towards her, setting my bag next to hers on the floor. I kneel down, taking her foot in my hands, examining.

"I could have carried you, you know." I say, getting up and finishing for my first aid kit in my bag.

I didn't want to seem like a drag." She explains. "You really wanted to take us here."

I take the kit out of my bag, and kneel down at her feet again. I use hands sanitizer before handling her wound, I take a alcohol pad, and gentle dab her blister, she winces again. I then pat it dry, taking a small needle with iodine, pricking it, releasing the fluid. This didn't seem to hurt her. I then cover her blister with a band aid.

"There," I say, looking up at her. "Does that feel better?" I ask. She nods, smiling. She leans down, kissing my forehead.

"Now," she says, "Are you hungry?" She asks. I nod. "Okay, let's go fishing."

That night, we had gone fishing in the river behind the cabin. We cooked fish over the fireplace. She seemed to enjoy cooking the fish. Once we cleaned up, we ended up cuddling on the small bed in the corner. We fall asleep this way. When I wake up, I realize the window is open, the early morning mist sinking through the window, and into the cabin. I kiss the back of Integra's head. Her arms poke out of the window. I snuggle her tightly. I feel her stir in my arms, she turns around, her forehead on my chest.

"Good morning." I say softly.

"Good morning." She says back. I kiss her head, and she kisses my chest. We continue the gentle kisses until it escalates into something more. I am on top of her, she pants and moans. Her breasts moving with her body. God, I love her so. My hands extended, holding the headboard. He bangs against the wall.

"Oh god, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you." I moan.

"I love you too." She sighs. "Samuel." 


	26. Marriage Is Easy

Marriage is easy. Makes life easy, makes decisions easy. Everything is shared, everything is spoken for. All of my problems, my doubts, my worries, all turn to dust when I am speaking with my husband about them. It's like, he knew the answer to everything, even when I think I have it, he offers an even better suggestion. We are a team of one, one mind, one body, one soul.

Ever since Samuel moved in, things are a lot more lively at Hellsing HQ. A family lives within its walls. I take two hours out of my schedule every day to tutor my step daughter. She enjoys the lessons. Sam thought it a good idea to start piano lessons, and while I think she is too young, I give in a buy a piano. I already had one. But it's far to old and big for her. I can hear her from my office sometimes as she plays. Clunky strikes on the piano keys can be heard throughout the house at 9 in the morning.

" _Master."_ I hear your voice intrude my head space. I haven't directly spoken to you in over a month, not since I got back from my honeymoon.

" _What is it?"_ I ask, annoyed.

" _What is that god awful sound coming from upstairs?"_

" _That, if you must know, is my daughter, she's taking piano lessons, she's a beginner, and if you couldn't surmise that from the sound well you-"_ I am cut off.

" _I get it, Master, I get it."_ Your voice a deep sigh. " _Sorry."_

" _Get out of my head."_ I snip _. "And stay out."_ I hear nothing from you after that. I lite a cigar. Smoke fills the air surrounding my head. I sigh. I wonder how long I could keep you too apart. How long could I keep her innocence from vampires? How long could I keep the occult from her blossoming mind? My father told me at a very young age, mainly because his health was failing, and he knew I was the only one he could trust. I would never cross my father.

I hear a knock on my door.

"Come in." I say, in a low tone, my husband comes in, bring us both a cup of tea. I give him a small smile, my mood instantly lifts.

"Hello my love." he greets me. "Care for some tea with me to start the day?"

I chuckle. "Sure." He comes, taking a seat by me, setting down the tea cup.  
He lightly blows on his tea before taking a sip.

"Dear." I say.

"Yes?"

"Do you think it's appropriate for Constance to be practicing this early in the morning? I mean most of the staff are just now waking up."

Sam thinks for a moment. "Well, we could always move it to the afternoon, and move her schooling to the morning instead."

I am satisfied with that solution. I nod. "That might be for the best." I say.

"Then it's settled." he says, taking another sip. He then perks up. "Integra, I have something to tell you," He says, his tone serious.

"What is it?" I murmur, just a little worried.

"Well, I have another trip coming up." He says. He sits down his tea his cup. "With a very important U.S Senator." He continues. "I am going to be in the public eye for at least two months."

I lean back in my chair, blinking. Two months? _Two months?_

"Two months?" I question, "Why two months?" I ask, curious.

"There is bill that needs passed in Senate and the House of representatives. And I need to be there, to." He trials off. "Inform them as to why it needs passed." he explains.

"I see." I say, sternly. "Well, it seems a bit impossible to fall under the radar." I say,

"I have to stay in a hotel for a few days before the trip, so I know you won't be tracked, I could not bare it if Hellsing was discovered by the public." He says, putting his hand on my shoulder.

"Hm." Is all I say. My chest feels strange, empty.

"Are you all right?" He asks me. I nod. I put my head in my hands, then run my fingers through my hair.

"I'll be fine." I say. "It's just, we've only been married for two months and already we going to be a part." I say.

"I can't walk away from my duty." he says. "If I could get someone else to do it, I would, but I can't."

"I know, I know."

You come into mind. Two whole months of you and I being unsupervised. No Samuel to stop the thoughts from coming. But, I don't feel the same about you. After the first time I had made love, those obsessive thoughts ceased. Something broke, like a ball and chain. I was free from you.  
But maybe, if Samuel left, they would come back. And I am utterly terrified. I do not need the temptation. Even if I couldn't become a vampire anymore. Not that you knew that yet.

"Integra?" Sam's voice breaks my train of thought.

"Sorry, i'm just thinking." I say. He says nothing. "Sorry."

"If I could let you go, I would." he says.

"It's not a big deal, Samuel, really." I look at him. "It just caught me off guard is all." I say. I give him a weak smile, he does the same.

Later on that evening, I sit in my undefiled marriage bed. Sam and I hadn't had sex since we got back from Colorado. Maybe it's time. I wait for him but he does not come. I get up from my bed, and go to Connie's room. I peak in. Relief washes over me. He's reading her a bedtime story. I smile, before silently leaving. I go back but to my room. But I gasp upon entering. There you stand, before the window, the moon shining through it.

"Alucard." i say, locking the bedroom door. "What are you doing here?" I ask.

"I made you upset this morning," you turn to me, "So I came here to apologize."  
"I see." I say, "Well, say you're sorry and get out." I snip. I see your grin grace your face.

"You don't want me to leave." You say, "Otherwise you wouldn't lock the door so your husband wouldn't find us."

I feel my heart sink. My eyes go wide, you approach me slowly. You put your hands on my shoulders. You stare into my eyes, and I look into yours, your eyes glowing red. You are trying to find something.

"No!" You exclaim, letting me go, turning your back to me. I stare at you emptily.

"Alucard, i'm married." I say, "You can't me a virgin forever."

"I thought it would work!" You yell.

"What would work?" I cross my arms. Curious.

"Bonding!" You look into my eyes, desperation in them. I almost feel bad. "When you drank from my chest- You broke us!" You yell, "What we had is broken!"

I take a step back, my expression calm. "It was never together in the first place." I say. "So all this time, you wanted me bonded to you so you could turn me into a vampire?" I ask.

"Yes! I wanted you forever, for always!" You grab me by the shoulders, lifting me up. I gasp. "Alucard, calm yourself!" I snap. I manage to get myself out of your arms.

"Do you still love me?" You ask. Your face dark.

"Yes, but you won't have me forever." I say.

"So I am to die along with you." You say.

"I wouldn't say that, I might have children."

I see your face twitch. "If you think I could ever follow a spawn created by him, you are dead wrong." You sneer.

"You will. And I will hunt you forever if you don't, I'll make sure you follow until the day they die, and then I will hunt you into the deepest pits of hell!" I yell. You blink, taking a step back. "I-I am sorry…" You apologize.  
"You are damn right, you are sorry, now leave, go, get out!" I scream. You vanish from sight, but I can still feel you there, the master and servant bond, is still there, and always will be, until I die, and then my child. My child. I could have a child. A put them through all of the hell I have been through, make them a slave to duty. Make them clean up my messes from my own life. I don't like the sound of that, maybe a child isn't for the best. I sigh, unlocking my bedroom door.

I take off my clothes, and put on my nightwear. I get into bed, so much for a romantic evening, you ruin everything. I hear my husband silently come in out room. Getting into bed. I feel his warm lips on my cheek, I open my eyes and turn to him.

"Hello." He greets me, moving a strand of hair out of my face, he kisses my lips, I kiss him back, smiling.

"Hi." I put my arms around his neck, his hands on my shoulders.

"What is it, Integra?" He asks me, curiously.

"I want something." I pout.

"I can see that." He chuckles, half-heartedly.

"We can't been intimate in a while." I say, avoiding eye contact.

"Oh, I see." he murmurs, kissing my ear. I pull him on top of me, he kisses my neck and chest, I wrap my legging around his waist.

"I want it, really hard." I whisper in his ear. He grins.

"As you wish."

I moan as loud as I can, hoping you'll hear, hoping you'll listen.I am sure you can, I am sure your heart is twinging with pain. I whip my head back and become undone. My husband and I lay together in silence, falling asleep in each others arms.

This, what we had, Alucard, wasn't love, it was obsession, and only time, will you understand, that I cannot love you, two different species cannot love each other. You are dead, stealing the life of others to feel whole, to regain the soul that was forsook so long ago. Maybe if I wasn't Integra Hellsing, maybe if I didn't have a duty. I could truly be your countess, killing, and conquering the world with you by my side.

No,

That's impossible. I should be more responsible, I am your master, and I am responsible for your well being. So, for your sanity, let me go.


	27. Temptations

"Hello Samuel," I say to my husband. I lay on our bed, in a night gown I had not worn in many years, it still fit. I see Samuel smile.

"Hello beautiful." He greets me, and really minding my state of dress, his eyes on my face instead. I see he has something behind his back. I perk up.

He approaches me.

"What's that?" I point.

"Oh, this?" He says, he pulls a little box from behind him. A little bow on top, I purse my lips. I extend my arm out for his little gift. I grab it, grasping the tiny gently in my fingertips.

"Open it." he smiles, sitting down next to me. I open the top of the box, in it, a small ring. It's beautiful, it matches the silver band around my ring finger. He gestures for me to put it on. I do so. It clicks right into my wedding ring, I look up at him.

"Samuel, it's gorgeous." I say, smiling. He smiles back at me. "Thank you!"

"It's no problem, my love." He says, "You deserve it." He kisses my forehead. I blush, he pulls away, and examines my state of dress. He raises his eyebrow.

"What's this?" he asks.

"My nightgown." I say. Grining.

"I've never seen you in this before." he says, putting his hands on my hip.

"I'm feeling a bit romantic tonight." I chuckle.

"You feel romantic almost every night." He states. "And I think I'm getting worn out." he admits to me.  
My jaw drops. "I'm sorry." I say, my voice quiet. "I didn't realize I was being so- so." He waves his hand to cut me off. He gives me a gentle grin.

"It's okay, i'll gladly give in to your every whim once i'm rested." He says. "You forget, i'm an old man." He jokes.  
"Am I too young for you?" I laugh.

"Maybe for my loins." he cracks up. I laugh as well. I kiss him gently. We both lay down, wrapped in each other's arms.

I wake in the middle of the night. My husband lay, his back to me as he sleeps. I sit up, disoriented. My eyes adjusting to the darkness that consumed my bedroom. I blink, then turn to Samuel, I put my hand on his back, rubbing it up and down. He makes a small groan, before stirring in his sleep. I try to lay back down, trying to sleep, but I could not manage to close my eyes for more than five minutes. Maybe it was the extra tea before bed. I sit up again. Maybe it's the lack of sex. My body craved it so, maybe I am spoiled to it.

I ponder for a moment if I want your company. Maybe your company would be a distraction. I get up from my marriage bed, only to go down into a basement. Walking down the stairs.

' _Alucard.'_ I call for you. You do not answer. ' _Alucard.'_ Still no answer. That's strange.

I did not find you in your chair, so I go to your coffin. I knock on it. I hear you stir, your hand pokes out of your coffin.

"You're asleep at a strange hour." I say.

"I haven't eaten in a while." You state, your voice, seeming annoyed at my presence. "What is it master?" You yawn.

"I'm bored."

"That's weird. Usually I come and bother you when i'm bored." You emerge from your coffin, eyeing my attire. "What are you wearing?" You ask.

"What I damn well please." I answer you.  
"I guess that's a good answer." You scratch your jaw. You lean in, admiring me.  
"Hello." I say, after a long pause. I wonder why I even came down here, to have the temptation.

"Hello, my master." you grin. "I must say you look you very nice, you should wear things like that more often." you suggest.

"You really think so?" I ask, raising my eyebrow. "Well, I regret to inform you that it won't be for your pleasure." I narrow my eyes.

"But may I gaze?"

"You may gaze, but you may never touch." I say, leaning in, my elbow on your coffin. You seem to stiffen at my intrusion of your space. I back off slightly.

"Don't tempt me, my master, don't you know waving a treat in a dog's face is cruel?" You say to me, your voice low.

"So, are you saying i'm a cruel pet owner?" I lean in closer. I hear your voice shake. I lean in closer.

 _What the hell am I doing?_

"Yes, I am, you are a cruel master." You admit to me, continuing to back away. "Master, don't, I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't." I sneer.

"I will." You hiss. "Master, you are playing with fire." You growl.

"You won't hurt me, you can't hurt me." I get on my knees, leaning in, our faces close.

"Master, don't make me do it."

"Do what?" I ask.  
 _  
_You look down. Your face covered by your thick, black hair. Your eyes glow. "Hurt you." you say in a low growl. I move away, finally getting the message. But, a whine comes from your throat as I do so. I see you frown.

"You are confusing." I roll my eyes.

"Well, you make me the monster I am, what do you expect, you are the reason I am here now. You are reason walk among the living."

"No, I don't. You did that a long time ago." I say. "I just use it. And that's why you are here." I reach out and touching your chest, hollow, empty, no warmth, no heartbeat. No real life underneath your pale fasade. Yet, you are still beautiful in my eyes. But I guess that is me seeing a vampire through human eyes. Vampires are beautiful to humans, Tantalizing, mesmerizing, it's how vampires get their victims, through beautiful and grace.

"I guess you're right." You sigh, "That's all i'm good for." Your hand cups mine, keeping it there. "Are you trying to look for something that isn't there?"

"I think so." I say, "it's a shame." I take my hand off your chest. You frown. "Alucard." I say softly, you perk up.

"Yeah?"

"Did I ever tell you how beautiful you are?" I ask. Your eyes soften, you smile.

"Yes, every night. In the attic." You say, "You said that every night, and you told me how much you loved your servant."

"It was us against the world." I say, smiling.

"Yes, it was."

_

I wake up in your coffin, I yawn, stretching. It has been over two years since I had woken up in your coffin. Only difference, you aren't with me. I move the lid off you coffin, poking my head up, you're sleeping in a small wooden chair, it's almost comical. Your arms folded, your chin tucked, you hat covering your face. I get up, then I lean down. Kissing your cheek before going back upstairs. It's still early in the morning, the sun wasn't even out yet. I go to my bedroom. Samuel wasn't in bed. I furrow my brow. I go into the bathroom, he's showering. I take off my gown. I slide the shower door open, he turns around, smiling brightly.

"There you are!" he smiles at me. "I thought you were already up." he turns back around, washing his hair. I feel no guilt for sleeping in your coffin. Nothing happened, I got tired, and you offered, no touching, no kissing. Nothing. Just my bodyguard, offering his queen his bed.

Sam lets me get under the shower head. My hair flattened underneath the water. Sam washes my hair for me.

We get ready together, and afterward he goes to his office, I go to Connie's room, waking her up for her her tutoring. We sit at the breakfast table, today's lesson is in reading. We finish around 9am. And Vincent comes over and takes her to Samuel's mansion across town.

I go up to my office. Papers stacked up high. Walter stands next to my desk. He then turns to me smiling.

"Good morning, sir." He greets me.

I look at the stack of papers. "What's this?" I gesture.

"Well, do you remember when Alucard-" I cut him off.

"Say no more, property damages?" I ask.

He nods.

"From when?"

"Three years ago." He answers. I roll my eyes.

"I see," I sit down at my desk. "Three years ago? And they are just now getting to us?" I ask.

"It sure seems that way."

This isn't the first time this happened, and it certain won't be the last. I will always pay for your damages, Alucard.

I write out a check.

Around 1:30, Samuel comes into my office, smiling brightly.

"Well, you are in a good mood." I say. He nods.

"I just got a phone call, you know that two month business trip I was telling you about?" he asks.

"Yes." I raise my brow.

"Well, it's cancelled." He comes up to my desk. I don't smile.

"But isn't important?" I ask. His smile disappears.

"I thought you would be happy." he says, leaning back.

"Yeah, I am." I look to the left. "But," I look back up, "Isn't it better to get it over with now?" I ask.

"Well yes, but I do not control congress." he tells me.

"I see."

"You seem angry." he says.

"I'm not, just slightly annoyed." I say, leaning on my elbow.

"At me?" He asks, worried.  
"No, Alucard." I answer, he nods, stiffening.  
For a moment, I want to tell him where I was this morning.

"Samuel, I was with Alucard this morning." I blust out, looking off in the corner of the room. "I was with him the whole night." he seems taken aback by this.

"Is that so?" He leans back down. "What were you doing?" he asks.

"Nothing." I shrug. "We just talked, I couldn't sleep."

"I suppose that's all right." He says caually. I feel a twinge, something snap in my brain, anger fills my chest and head.

"What did you say?" I hiss. His eyes widen. He backs off. "You don't suppose anything, you don't get to tell me when or where I can spend time with my servant, he is mine!"

"Integra I didn't mean to-"

"I don't care!" I yell, standing up looking into my husband's eyes.

"In-integra.." he seems horrifyed. Oh, oh no. What have done? All the anger dispates.

"I'm sorry." I mouth. He backs away from me.

"I'm leaving, for the night." he says. "I'll see you tommorrow." He leaves my office, leaving me alone with my thoughts. Guilt consumes me. Why did I do that? Why did I have to do that? I try to call his masnion. No answer. I sigh, leaning back in my chair, rubbing my face in frustaion. Feeling the conequences of my own stupidity. I try calling again a half an hour later, still no answer. I get up, walk around, trying to stop the thoughts from filling me with guilt.

"Integra." I hear your voice. I look up, tempation fills me. Now, I realize, Samuel is the stupid one. 


	28. Humanity

Nothing happened, we sat and talked. We sat, and smoked. We just sat. Your feelings towards me seemed to be put on hold as I gush over my husband, maybe you just didn't have feelings anymore, or maybe you were being respectful for my sake. You are mine, before anyone else, you are mine. I must guide, mold you, be kind to you, for you are my servant, a follower. I must do right by you. No matter what has happened in the past. I'll do what I can to be the best master for you. I have failed you in so many ways. I used you, I used your flesh, used your undying loyalty to discard you. I am a cruel woman, and that is something I wish not to be. It's too late to start over now. But I can begin to heal these wounds by change.

Later that morning you lay your head on my lap.

"So, are you going to call your husband?" you ask.

"Yes, later." I say.

"Is the child with you?"

"No, she's with her father." I answer, rubbing your scalp with my fingertips.

"He doesn't understand us." you say. "He will never understand."

"I don't think he minds that we are bound by blood, but our past, it's painful for him to know I still work with an ex lover." I explain.

"Well, he's bedding you now, so what's the big deal?"

"The deal is, I snapped when I shouldn't have." I say, "I let him think I am putting you before him." Maybe I am. Maybe if I was a smart woman, i'd lock you away again.

"I see, so he's jealous?"

"Yes."

I see a smug grin creep across your face. I groan.

"It'll be in your best interest to keep your grins to yourself, servant." I say sternly. Your grin vanishes. Moments of silence fall between us.

"Are you going to call him?" You ask.

Yes- No- I don't know." I spit quickly. You look at me confused.

"Well, he seems like an understanding man, Integra, I wouldn't waste it."

"I know, but I don't know what I can do, I think I really messed up this time." I sigh.

"Just call him, you'll feel better." You say softly.

"I suppose you're servant."

_

I call my husband. The phone rings and rings, and then a stern male voice comes through the phone.

"Hello Interga." Samuel's voice rang in my ear.

"You sound mad." I say.

"Yes, I am, I want some space." He says, I hear him shuffling about. "Just for a little bit." He tells me. "Just until I can accept my place in your eyes."

I almost growl. "What does that mean?"

"You know what I mean,"

"No, I don't." I speak in a firm tone. "Please explain."

"He's yours Integra, and I need to accept your not going to budge, he's there by your side, he was there before me, you love him. You told me so."

I didn't know what to say, he's right. I wouldn't let you go, no matter how many times I told myself I didn't love you anymore I did. I always will. But, I love him more, and that wasn't a lie.

"I love you more." Is all I could say. He sighs.

"I hope so."

A couple days have passed, and Samuel came home, Connie ran into my arms when she saw me. Telling me how much she missed me. I adored her face with kisses. Samuel and I went upstairs to talk. Boundaries were set. I told him I was not going to get rid of you. And he said he wanted more alone time with me in exchange, which wasn't a problem. I want to show him I could love him exclusively. Our sex life increased, Everything, aside from my workly duties, revolved around him and my daughter. Things are coming together. More so than they have been before. I feel complete. Two years, to years have passed. And everything, was perfect.

Samuel and I walk down the stone path, It's getting cold again, fall is coming. Sam and I lock arms as Connie walks before us. She spins around, smiling and giggling. Her little blue coat flowing behind her. Her hair up in a ponytail.  
"Integra." Samuel whispers in my ear.

"Yes dear?" I ask.

"I'm going to the United states in January." He says.

"Is it about the bill?" I ask, curious and frowning.

"Yes, that bill. We've put it off for long enough, mainly for security concerns." He says, looking forward, at our daughter.

"Security concern?" I question, loudly. He shushes me, gesturing to Connie, I lower my voice. "What do you mean?" I ask.

"Well, it's a controversial bill. It's allowing a new metal to be used in the making of military weapons, strong enough to kill vampires, but gentle enough to let a human hold. Like what your pet uses."

I blink. "Are you insane?" I stop him, dead in his tracks. "Humans can't be trusted with that kind of power!"

 **He peers at me. "For someone who puts a lot of faith in humanity, you sure don't give humans they credit they deserve." He tells me.**

 **"** **This will be perfect integra," he grabs my shoulders, looking into my eyes. "Humans can final defend themselves!" he smiles.**

 **I am not sure why, but I feel that it is a bad idea. I look away, then back up into my husband's eyes. He still smiles at me, I smile weakly back. I did not want to argue. I did not want to ruin a perfectly day.**

 **** **"** **Connie!" Samuel calls, Connie is now way in front of us. I turn my head to look at Connie, she's picking up leaves and sticks. She runs up to us, smiling.**

 ****

 **"** **Daddy, Mommy, can we use this to make a fire tonight!?" She asks, excitedly. Samuel looks at me for confirmation.  
** **"** **Sure." I say, she jumps happily. "Now, let's go put those in the fireplace." I smile. We go inside. Connie puts the leaves and sticks in the fireplace, and later on the evening, before bed, we all sit around the fireplace. Connie fell asleep, we carry to bed. Once Samuel and I laid her down to sleep, we go to our room. I take off my clothes, and he goes into the bathroom. I put on a nightgown.**

 **Samuel comes to bed, laying next to me.**

 **** **"** **So," I begin to speak, "I still don't think it's a good idea to pass the bill." I say, while Sam gets comfortable. He sighs.  
** **"** **It is a good idea, Integra, we want humans to protect themselves."**

 **** **"** **While, I don't disagree, I still feel like humans having that kind of power is dangerous."  
Sam rolls his eyes, "Integra." He sighs. "Humans may be flawed, but what is more flawed to you, someone who gave up there humanity, or someone who fights for it?" he questions. I say nothing, he knew my answer,**


	29. Goodbyes and Love Making

I did not know how to keep Samuel with me, he is going to go whether I want him to or not, I don't want to accept it.

"Samuel, please, listen to me," I beg. "I don't think it's safe for you to go." I grab him by the shoulders.

"I'm not backing down." he tells me.

"Samuel, please,"

"Integra, look, I have a duty to fulfil, and it's going to happen, I know you aren't someone to back down from your post, and you should expect the same from me." He looks at me sternly. I sigh.

"It's different if it'someone you love, sam, don't tell me you wouldn't protest if I was in danger."

"I suppose you're right," he relents, I smile. "But," He pauses, "I'm still going." My smile disappears.

"You're not going to listen to me, are you?" I ask.

"You are correct." He tells me, I groan, then frown,

"Samuel." I furrow my brow, giving him a look of solum.

"Integra." he speak in a strict tone. "I'm not backing down." He tells me once more.

"Yes, you are." I sneer. He growls.

"I'm not." He pauses, he grits his teeth. "You're slave." he then turns away from me, walking down the hallway to his office. My mouth gaped open. I follow after him. Opening the door to his office.

"We are not done here!" I shout.

"Yes we are." He says calmly. He folds his arms, his feet on his desk. I narrow my eyes.

"You aren't going!" I yell at him.

"Yes, I am darling." He says, tending to his working, acting like I wasn't even there.

"If you go-" I pause, "If you go- I'll -I'll-" I struggle to find words, but nothing came to mind.

"What will you do deary, tell me." he says, rummaging through papers on his desk, filing them, fingering them, tearing them.

"I don't know! Something!" I exclaim, folding my arms. He puts on his brown rimmed glasses. He looks at me, apathetic. I groan. "Samuel, please, listen to me." I beg of him.

"I am listening, and I have told you my answer." He says. "And I say, I am going, they need me." He tells me, he looks up at me, his eyes soften upon my face. "I'll be okay, don't worry about me."

I sigh, stepping closer. "Samuel."

"Integra." He says, looking up at me. "Why don't you come here." He slightly smiles. I do, sitting on his lap, wrapping my arm around his shoulder.

He sighs, "Now, my dearest Integra." He pauses. "You know I love you, right?"

"Yeah, I know."

"Good." He smiles. What was that about? I furrow my brow, curious as to what he is planning. "And don't you forget it." he tells me.

I put my head on his shoulder. "Samuel." I murmur.

"I'm sorry." I swallow. "I shouldn't have snapped on you like that."

"It's fine." he says, rubbing my back.

_

I lay next to my husband, late at night, tossing and turning, as he is sound asleep. He is going go, possibly cause the end of the world, possibly getting killed, who knows. My heart races at the thought. Two years, two years of happiness. I couldn't deal with loss, not again, this time I did not think i'll be strong enough. I turn over, touching his shoulder, rubbing it. He wakes up, slowly, stretching. His eyes open, looking at me.

"What is it dear?" he asks.

"Nothing, I just want to touch you." I scoot in closer, wrapping my arm around his neck, holding him close.

"Oh." he pulls me in tighter. I rub the back of his neck.

"Please." I beg.

"I have to go." he tells me.

"Please," I whine softly in his ear.

"I can't stay." He kisses me, pulling me in closer, our chests touching. In between our kisses I keep saying 'please', our clothes getting lost in the sheets. I'm on top of him, bouncing up and down. His hands squeezing and cupping my breasts, I hold them there. My moans echo, and I am sure some guard heard down the hall. Sam finishes inside of me. Warm liquids flow out of my broken womanhood. I go to the bathroom and clean up, I come back to bed, his arms cradling me. We both fall asleep.

_

Samuel packs for his two month trip. I help, and so does Connie. 7 suitcases worth of clothing, among other things. He's leaving tomorrow and there is nothing I can do about it. I look down at the suitcase I am packing, saddened by it's contents and what it ment. Samuel puts his hands on my shoulders from behind, and kisses the back of my head. I sigh, then smile. I turn around.

"Hey."

"Hey." he smiles at me, his eyes kind. He hugs me tightly. I hug him back. "I'm going to miss you." he tells me.

"I'll miss you too." I say, I slightly pull away from him, "Now, don't be go dying now, okay?" I tease him. He chuckles.

"I won't." He smiles. "You have my word."

I pat his back, "Good." I take a small sharp breath, "You'll call everyday right?" I ask.

"Yes." he chuckles, his eyes closed. "I'll write you everyday too, if that will suffice you."

"Will you?" I ask, serious. He laughs.

"All right, all right, I will." He kisses me. I kiss him back. Connie tugs on my pant leg, I pick her, pressing her between Sam and I.

She climbs into her father's arms. She hugs him tightly. Softly pouting, her lip quivering.  
"How long will you be gone?" She asks, her voice shakes.

"I'll be gone for two months." He tells her. Connie had repeatedly asked this question, sometimes multiple times a day, like the answer would change. Sometimes I would find myself doing the same thing. I remember doing the same thing when my father would leave for trips. I still remember the smell of him, when he would come home, the smell of the world on his suit.  
The little girl started to sob. "I don't want you to go." She whines, in a depressed tone. Sam holds her tightly.  
"I'll be back, my dear." he says to her, smiling, lifting her up by the chin. Making her look at him.  
"I love you." he tells her.

"I love you too daddy." She whines.

That night, Samuel and I spent it in intimacy. Our last night we could spend together for awhile. He did not hold back, I am left sore, needing to be cared for, he does so. Running me a bath. Letting me soak, rubbing my feet, apologising for being so rough. It was completely fine. The pain was temporary. 


	30. A New One

Connie and I sit at the breakfast table. She's eating pancakes, smothered in syrup. She continues to put more on them.

"That's enough dear." I take away her syrup. She frowns.

"But they taste bad mommy." She says. I sigh.

"Then don't ask for them." I say.

"I want eggs and bacon." She protests. I look down at my plate. Scrambled eggs, and bacon. I couldn't let the child starve. I put some of my food on her plate.

"Yay!" She cheers, she eats the bacon with her fingers, getting syrup everywhere. I take a napkin, and wipe away the mess. She chuckles, her cheeks rosy. Her little square teeth showing.

"I'll have to tell your father about how messy you are." I smile, stroking her cheek.

She whines, before seeing my smile, she then smiles at me back. "You won't!" She laughs.

"Oh but I will!" I tease her, "I'll tell him when he gets back!"

She shakes her head. "Nuh uh!" She folds her arms. She then pauses. I raise my eyebrow.

"What are you thinking about dear?" I ask her.

"Dad, have you talked to him?" She asks, her green eyes twinkling. I shake my head, I haven't talked to my husband in 3 weeks. But I did get a letter, I haven't opened it yet. Connie's twinkling eyes vanish. "Oh." She hangs her head.

"He'll call soon, I promise." I say. Rubbing her shoulder. She smiles weakly.

I am not worried, but just a little put off by the fact he has not called. He, however, did write. I would read it once I got to my office. It has been close to two months, it's almost time for him to come home. I wonder how his first night back will go. Probably lots of sleeping. I have missed him in our bed. It seems so empty without him. It still smells of him, even after a good wash. I suppose it is just my mind playing tricks on me. Later on that evening I sit at my desk, reading the letter Sam had sent me.

 _Dear Integra,_

_I'm sorry I have not called, it is getting to the point to where I can't without causing a security concern. The bill is being very close to pass, and I have been in my hotel room for a few days now, and I am only allowed to leave when I am heavily guarded. I feel as if I am going insane. I miss your voice, I miss your smell, and I miss your touch, I miss your hair, your skin, your laugh, it's been quite the struggle over the past to months. But I will be home soon, the 15th of February. I hope Constance is doing well, I am sure she misses me, I miss her little face, I can't wait to hug her so tight, and tell her I love her in person. I hope she hasn't given you much trouble. I know she can be a pout at times. But, to make this short and sweet, I miss you, and I love you both, I'll see you the 15th._

_Yours forever_

 _Sam_

I hold the note close to me, reading it over and over again, savoring the lasting words. I hear footsteps down the hallway, they sound of you, clunky taps against the stone floor. I hear a soft knock on my door. I can sense you behind that door, I don't want to see you, but oddly enough, I give in.

"Come in." I say in a low tone. You enter. Walk over to me slowly, each step an agonizing echo. "What do you want?" I ask, not turning to you.

"Your thoughts are troublesome, my master."

I sigh. "You say that a lot."

"Then, stop having troublesome thoughts." You retort. I finally turn to you. Furrowing my brow. "You miss him." You state.

"Well of course I do." I say, folding my arms. I see you grin.

"He'll be home soon."

"Have you been rummaging in my thoughts again?" I ask, not offended.

"Even if the bond is broken, there is still our Master and Servant connection." You say, I nod in acknowledgement.

"That doesn't make it okay." I say.

"Well, I can't help it." You say, "It's not like I want to. It's not like I want to invade your thoughts. Do you know how many times I would rather not? Quite plenty. Every time Samuel touches you, or lays with you. Your mind explodes into a million fragments into my cursed ears. It's like you want to watch me suffer." You sneer.

"I don't like to watch you suffer, it's not my choice, I can't stop thinking all together. I'm not some sadistic witch you paint me out to be. I will continue to have thoughts of love and lust until the day I die!" I exclaim. You sigh.

"Integra." Your eyes soft, and sad. I almost feel sympathy. I approach you.

"What?" I ask.

"You are transparent."

I roll my eyes. "I suppose I am."

"If you didn't want me in here," You say, reading my thoughts. "Why did you tell me to come in?" You cock your head.

"I don't know, loneliness? Boredom?" I say. "I am spoiled to your presence."

"I know you are." You say. "Use me, abuse me, whatever you wish."

"I won't do that!" I yell, my hands clenched in fists.

"I beg you." your voice quiet. "It would be a blessing." You bare your teeth.

"You sick puppy." I say, my hand stroking your cheek, my voice course. "So obsessed to the point of pain. It's like learned helplessness." I smile gently.

You purr underneath my hand, you take my hand in yours. "Please master, please?"

I sigh, step closer, I wrap my arms around your next, embracing you. I look at you with indifference. "You long for me?" I ask. You nod. I kiss you softly, your lips, soft and cool. It only lasts three seconds. I pull away. My heart fills with guilt. I turn away.

"Get. out." I sneer. I hear no protest from you, leave immediately.

_

Oddly enough, I wear a smile on my face the next day. I write Samuel. Hoping it reaches him. I am between apathy and guilt. What harm is a simple kiss? Bonding or not, I knew I couldn't escape from you. No matter how far I run, no matter how many times I bed with my husband, you will always be there, waiting, watching, like a vulcher. I don't hate you for it anymore, it is what it is. I'm done fighting. I'll let the wave of temptations and sin whisk me out to sea, and let me drown. Maybe one night the two of you could take turns, with me, or at the sametime. Or maybe I'll just be by myself, like I deserve. Maybe I could convice Sam to share, no, no, he would surely divorce me, take away Connie, and leave nothing behind.

Oh god, what am I thinking? How sick am I? MY husband is away on a dangerous business trip, and I am here kissing my servant. What is wrong with me? I put my head in my hands, and rub my face. I would need to tell Sam when he gets back. I feel nauseous, everything, dizzy, my own guilt consuming me, I barely make it to the bathroom in time to puke. I sit on the floor for awhile. Thinking of what it's going to happen when I see Sam next. Maybe I would be too cowardly to say anything, too afraid to lose the life I have built for myself. I swallow hard.

"Sir Integra?" I hear Walter's voice. "Sir Integra?"

"I'm in here." I call from the bathroom, still on the floor, Walter knocks.

"Come in." I say. He does so, very quietly. He quirks his eyebrow.

"Sir Integra?" he questions. "Are you all right?" He asks, kneeling before me.

"Yes, I just have an upset stomach." I smile weakly. Walter helps me up.

"I'll call the Family doctor, and see if he'll be here tomorrow." He says, rubbing my shoulder, I nod. "Anyways, Samuel is on the phone, and I put him on hold."

I perk up, my husband. I quickly go to my office, and pick the phone. Walter comes in after me.

"Sam?" I say.

"Hey Honey." I can hear his smile through the phone, and I couldn't help but curl the corners of my mouth.

"I got your letter." I say gently.

"Good, I'll be home soon just hang tight. I can only talk to you for a little bit."

"I'll take it." I say.

"Great, now, how was your day?" He asks. I swallow, the kiss, I would wait until he got home for that.

"It was fine, a bit quiet for my taste, but just fine."

"Heh, just fine hm? Well i'm glad you aren't having an extraordinary days without me." he teases.

"Oh? Is that's so?" I chuckle. "Well I suppose we'll have to talk about this later."

"I suppose we will." I pause.

"How is Connie?" He asks. I smile.

"She's all right. She misses you."

"Awe, well, I miss her too." he says. "How is her schooling?" He asks.

"She's been doing well, but she's been having a hard time paying attention." I say.

"Ah, she's just growing up." He says, "Sitting there in a library for 3 hours can't be fun for a 6 year old."

Hm. That's right, she is 6. She was only a toddler when I met her, now she is a young child.

"Maybe we should send her to an actual private school." I state, "if this keeps up, I'm not sure i'll be able to handle it. "

"Oh, she's just growing up." he waves me off. I sigh.

"Well, I'll see if the doctor can evaluate her, he's coming tomorrow."

"Wait, what?" He snaps. "Why is the doctor coming?"

"Nothing to do with Connie, I threw up. So Walter is seeing if the doctor can evaluate me, and i'll see if he can't evaluate Connie as well."

Samuel sighs.

"I suppose. But are you feeling all right?" He asks, concerned.

"Well, I feel fine." I say. "But it's just a precaution."

"Okay, well, just don't overwork yourself? Okay?"

I chuckle. "I'll be fine." I say.

"Okay, well, I have to go. I love you, and tell Connie I love her too."

"I will, I love you too. Goodbye."

"Goodbye," He says, gently, "I'll call you." Then he hangs up.

I sigh. The quietness taking over before Walter speaks up.

"Is everything okay?" Walter asks me.

"Yeah, just call the doctor."

_

The next day, I sit in a small examination room on the first floor. I look at my feet, sitting on the examination My doctor checks my throat. then my temperature, Then my knees.

"Can you take off your jacket?" He asks. I nod. I take it off, he sticks his stethoscope down my shirt, checking my heart.

"Breathe in," he tells me, I do so. "Now breathe out." I breathe out slowly. "Good." he says. He then checks my kidneys.

"Everything sounds fine. But you're breath is a bit shallow, have you thought about quitting smoking?"

I roll my eyes.

"Okay, okay." he says politely. "Anyways, aside from your shallow breath, you sound fine, now, I want to take some blood." He say. I swallow. I hate needles.

"Okay, how long will this take?" I ask.

"Ten minutes." He answers me. I shrug. "I'll be right back." He says. I nod. He comes back moments later with a blue tray, 3 vials, and a needle with a tiny tube.

I relax, rolling up my sleeve. He disinfects the area, and pokes in the needle with blue, rubber gloved hands. I wince, but soon relax when the blood seeps in the vials, filling them quickly. Once he was done. He took them away, putting them in a tiny box. And put a thick bandage on my wound.

"Now, i'll call you back when your test results come in." he says.

"What are you going to test for?" I ask.

"Everything, Sir." he says. "Diseases, disorders, everything."

I chuckle. "All right. Thank you Doctor." i thank him, standing. I wobble a little. "Oh."  
He goes to catch me, but then stops when I catch myself.

He puts on his coat. "All right, I'll have your results in a few hours."

"Thank you, good day." I wave to him.

"Good day." he straightens, then he leaves.

I sit in my office, awaiting for the doctor to call. I wasn't really sure why, he wouldn't find anything, I threw up because I was disgusted with my behavior. Today isn't a particular entertaining day. Nothing to keep my mind off of the obvious. I could call you up, but I dare not, I wouldn't want a repeat. Walter comes in. Will a tea cart. My eyes brighten.

"good afternoon, sir Integra, I got something for you." he smiles.

"And what's that?"

"I got you some herbal tea, it's suppose to settle the stomach."

I sit my chin up on my hand. "How thoughtful." I say, "Did you get it when you went into town today?"

He nods, pouring me a cup, and putting the tea bag in. The steam rising from the hot liquid, I take a sip, the cup hot in my hand, but I didn't care.

The phone rings, Walter stands, straight, looking at the phone. I sit down my cup, picking up the phone.

"Who is it?" I ask, deadpan.

"Hello, good afternoon, Sir, I have your results."

Oh, that was fast. "Yes, what are they?" I ask.

"Well nothing serious, but you are slightly anemic."

"Oh, I see." I say. "But I don't feel dizzy, or fatigue."  
"Well, not all people who are anemic experience symptoms, I think it has developed quite recently."

"Oh? Why do you think that?" I ask.

"Are you sitting down?" He asks me.

"Yes."

"Okay, well because, you are pregnant." He says.

My mouth goes dry. What? How? How could this be? My husband has been away for two months, how did I not experience any symptoms?

"There is no way, my husband has been away for two months. And I'm one birth control."

"Some women don't experience any symptoms until later on, and birth control isn't 100% effective." he says. "Now, i'm filling you out a perception for the prenatal vitamin. Good day, sir." he hangs up.

I drop the phone on my desk, almost knocking over the tea cup under my chin. Walter comes to my side.

"What's wrong?" He asks, worried. I don't answer him right away.

"I'm pregnant." I pause. "A new one will be introduced to our family."


	31. Tiny Bird

"Samuel." I say, my voice deadly quiet. "I have some news."

"Really? What news?" He asks, worried. "Is it bad?"

"Well, I'm not sure, it depends really."

"Well, don't keep me on my toes, my love, please tell me, we don't have much time to speak."

"I'm pregnant." I say, finally. A long pause comes from him.

"I see." He finally says. I only relax slightly. I fidget in my seat. Awaiting for him to say something more. "Do you want this child?" He asks me.

"I'm not sure." I say, "Do you want it?"

"Of course." His words rang through my ears like pleasant church bells. I smile.

"I'm glad, I'm so, so glad." I chuckle, my eyes slightly tearing. "Samuel, I'm so glad."

"Me too." I hear him sniffle. "I can't wait to come home to the three of you." He says, I hear his smile. "Now, when I get back, we'll have to plan, did you tell Connie yet?" He asks.

"No." I say. "I haven't, I wanted to tell you first."

"I see." he pauses. "Now, i'll call you tomorrow, after the hearing, I can't call you before the hearing, for security reasons." He says, far too casual, which oddly put me at ease. "I love you." He tells me softly.

"I love you too."

 _Click_

My heart fills with relief. And I silently rejoice. I was so glad he did not take this badly, we aren't exactly planning it, but I wasn't going to abandon motherhood so easily, an unexpected duty, is still a duty. I look out the window behind me. Walter stands in the corner, looking at me, I turn to him.

"So, he took it well?" Walter asks. I nod. "Wonderful." he smiles, clasping his hands together. "I'm sure he's happy to be a father again, although i'm sure he wishes he was here."

"I'm sure of it too." I say, "I'll tell Connie when he gets back." I stand up. I look down at my desk. Wondering if I could tell you. Wondering, if you knew before me. If you could hear the tiny heart beat in my stomach, or if just sounded like everything else in my body. I fold my arms.

"Is something wrong?" Walter asks. I shake my head.

"So, you've pregnant for two months, with no symptoms?" He tries to continue conversation.

"Yeah, and it doesn't make any sense."

"And you still had a regular menstrual cycle?" He asks. I flush.

"Yes, Jesus Christ Walter!"

He straightens at my outbursts. "I did mean to pry, Sir, I just wanted to see if I could help." He says, apologetically. I sigh.

"I don't know what went wrong." I say.

"Well, I will get to research, if you don't mind, Sir."

"I don't mind." I say.

"Do you need anything?" he asks. I shake my head, He bows, and leaves. Only to come back an hour later, a stack of papers in hand.

I perk up, my hands clasp underneath my jaw. "Hello Walter." I greet him, not expecting him to come in, without knocking, it must have been important.

"Sir, I think I found something." He tells me, putting down the stack of papers. He stands next to me.

"What did you find?" I ask, looking down.

"Human chorionic gonadotropin." He says, matter-of-factly, "It's a hormone produced in the placenta after implantation. And in some women, the placenta does not produce enough to cause symptoms, or show up on a urine test, it is only detectable on a blood test, and you are quite lucky you found out when you did, because sometimes, the pregnancy can go even longer without being detected." He explains this to me as I read the paper. "And, or you could have a tilted uterus." He adds. "But you're not experiencing any pain, I doubt that is the case." He smiles.

"I see." is all I can muster. I wasn't sure how to feel, about any of this still. Happy? Surprised? It all, is strange. What was I really expecting? Babies happen. Samuel might be happy, but I am uncertain. I am the one that has to carry it, conceal it. Deal with the pains of childbirth.

"Your symptoms will gradually increase." Walter's adds.

"Hm." Is all I mange. That's something to look forward too. Morning sickness, bloating, back pain.

"You don't seem very happy." Walter says, remarking my disinterest. "Aren't you happy?"

"I am, just shocked." I say. "I don't know how to get this, I wasn't exactly planning this." I clasp my hands together. "But I'm glad." I continue. "If that makes sense."

Walter rubs his chin in thought. "What are you hoping this is, a boy, or a girl?" He asks, seeming to try to change the subject, sort of.

"Well," I stop, thinking for a moment. "A boy." I smile.

"A boy?" He asks, curiously.

"Yes, A boy, I had dream once, where I was holding a little boy, blonde, and blue eyes like me." I say, I remember that dream, very vividly. I was holding him, as he chewed on his tiny fingering. I always thought it meant what I would be like if I were a boy.

"Hm, what would you name him?" Walter asks me.

"Jacob." I say, without a second thought. "Father said it would have been my name if I was a boy." I explain. "Besides, I've Always liked that name."

"Did Samuel ever say anything about names?" Walter questions.

"Well, he did mention he liked the name Saul." I say. "It means "asked for," In hebrew." I add.

"I like it." Walter says, and stand up straighter. He has on a slight smile. "So, when will you hear from him again?" He continues.

"Tomorrow," I say, "After the hearing, because of the security risk."

"I'm sure he is very eager to speak with you again."

"Yeah, so am I."

"A baby!" Seras exclaim, excitement in her tender voice.

"Keep your voice down!" I yip, covering her mouth briefly, before taking my hand away. She smiles softly.

"Sorry, Sir, It's just so strange, you didn't seem pregnant." She explains to me. "You're so flat."

I furrow my brow, feeling my lower stomach. "Well it certainly does look that way."

"Do you know what's wrong?" She asks.

"Walter says it might be the HCG hormone. And that my body wasn't producing enough."

"HCG?" Seras asks, confused.

"Human chorionic gonadotropin." I say. "It's a hormone produced when the placenta is formed." I say.

"I still can't believe you didn't know til two months later." She says, rubbing her chin. "Can I feel?" Seras asks, showing her fangs, although I doubt she knew she was doing it.

"Sure." I say quietly, giving her a flat gaze. She chuckles in delight, and puts her hand on my flat stomach. She looks intently at my stomach, then her eyes widen, a smile brighten her face.

"I can hear it!" She exclaims in an excited whisper. "It's tiny heart beat." She says, then takes her hand off.  
I smile.

"It sounds like the heart of a bird. A tiny, fragile bird." Seras asks.

In that moment, I feel as if I must protect it, the tiny, fragile bird, growing inside of me. I touch my stomach softly. It was mine, all mine. This tiny body inside of my body, molding, developing, within the confines of my uterus.

"That's quite the descriptor, Seras." I say. I wonder for a moment if you hear the bird fluttering inside of, I want so desperately to ask you, but I dare not. "Don't let your master know." I say. "I don't want him knowing for awhile."

Seras frowns, "Well, why not?" She says, "I'm sure he'd want to know."

I shake my head. "No, he wouldn't."


	32. The End

Connie and I sit together at lunch time. The winter sun shining through the kitchen. She sits, eating a sandwich Walter made her. She eats it happily, her cheek rosy, and she smiled as she ate. Humming a little cowboy song her father would sing to her. I just watch her, nervous, not because of her, I wonder when Samuel would call. My hand on my stomach as I bounce my knee. Sam should call by 5, at the latest. I look down at Connie, a give her a smile. I wonder if I should tell her now, or when Sam comes home. I wonder how she would react if she knew she was going to have a little brother or sister. Since she had always been an only child, I'm sure her ability to share love and attention would be very poor. At least at first.

"Mommy, as dad called?" Connie asks. I blink.

"No, he hasn't, but i'm sure he'll call tonight. Want to stay up with me?" I ask her.  
She nods happily. "Okay." I smile, resting my hand under my chin. My elbow rests on the metal table.

She finishes her meal, and pushes the empty plate away. "I'm full." She tells me.

"What would you like to do?" I ask her.

"Can I color in the library?" She asks. I nod, taking her by the hand. I lead her to the library, taking her to her little table she uses to draw and color. I sit on a brown recliner, watching her, my arms across my chest. She draws a tall man, black hair, I assume it is her father. I shut my eyes, and tilt my head back, I feel tired. I start to feel a nap creeping in and consuming me. I drift off into a twilight sleep, the clock that hung on the wall, ticked in my head, over and over, still keeping me on the edge of consciousness. But before I could completely fall asleep, Connie's voice echoed in my mind.

"Mommy!" She exclims. I sit up, blinking.

"Yes dear?"

"Lookie! Lookie!" She says, hoping on my lap, she shoves a piece of paper in my face, I take it, and look at it closely. Oh, no. No. No! I put it down on the arm of the chair, giving Connie a blank, defeated expression.

"What was your inspiration for this?" I ask the little girl.

"My dreams!" Connie says, "I see this in my dreams," She looks down, a slight smile on her face, she twinkled in delight as she told me this. "He comes to me in my dreams."

Rage fills me, and I am shaking. I want to smack you, and to spit at you. You stupid dog!

"Do you see him, in real life?" I ask, trying to sound kind.

She shakes her head, and I am in relief. But why are you in her dreams, servant? What are you doing?

"How about a nap, hm?" I suggest to her. "Are you tired?" I rub her shoulders. She nods, and yawns

"Yes, mommy." She says, leaning on me. I grab her, taking her to her room, laying her down on her bed before kissing her on the forehead. "30 minutes." I says. She nods before closing her eyes. I leave, taking her picture with me. I go to my office and sit down, I call in Walter.

He soon comes, hands clasps in front of him, his face pleasant.

"Yes, sir?" He asks, approaching my desk.

I push the paper on my desk to where he could see it, he leans down.

"What's this?" He asks, curious, giving me a puzzled look.

"It's Alucard, drawn by my 6 year old daughter."

His mouth gaps open slightly. "Oh." Is all he could say. "Well, in defense of Alucard, Connie does roam at night."

"Apparently, She sees him in her dreams." I say.

"Maybe, she can sense him, children, are sort of attune to the supernatural."

"I wonder if she could sense Seras is a vampire as well if that is the case." I say. My irritation ceases, but I am still upset.

"Maybe, but Connie certainly doesn't know they exist."  
"Maybe it's time to tell her." I say.

"Can you trust her?"

"I'm not sure."

"Seras," I say, looking at her, her back turned to me. My arms crossed. "Look at me Seras."

She turns to me, blinking. "Sorry.." She says weakly. Her hands behind her back. "Yes Sir Integra?"

"Have you been doing anything 'unhuman' in front of Connie?" I ask, trying not to sound accusing.

She shakes her, giving me a concerned and confused look. "No, not at all." She tells me. "What's wrong?" She asks.

"Nothing, just being sure." I uncross my arms.

"Ok-ay." Her voice slightly off, and she looks off to the side, then back at me. "Is there anything else I can help with?" She says with a smile, her smile making me less tense. t

"No," I smile slightly back. "Sorry, I just need to distract myself." Which wasn't a lie exactly. I did need a distraction. But I still wanted to know why Connie was drawing pictures of Alucard.

She gives me smiles eyes, "You're worried about him, aren't you?"

I sigh, a little upset with myself, "Yes, I am." I say. "It's 3:30 and he still hasn't called."

"It's only mid morning over in the states, isn't it? Just give him time." She continues, "You'll be fine, i'm sure he'll call right before you're going to sleep." She smiles brightly, and it made me oddly reassured.

"I suppose you're right." I releant. But, to my debtrement he did not call, and he did not call that morning. I try again and again to call the number he gave me, but nothing. It lead to nothing. I had Walter do thorough research into the situation, but nothing. Nothing to come. I kept giving Connie Excuses, but I could only do that for so long, I was running out of them. I sit in my office, the day, cloudy. But it did not smell of rain. The sky looms over me, the heaviness of the sky brings pressure to my head and neck.

"Sir?" Walter's voice itches in my ear. I look up, phone in his hand.

"Yes?" I say, plainly.

"Samuel's brother called, he's wondering if you had heard from him?" Walter asks.

I shake my head. "No. I haven't." I say.

"Oh, dear." Walter leaves my office. I didn't even notice he came in. Hm. I stand up, and I go to the small din downstairs, looking out the window as I sit in the chair. The sky seems to become heavier upon me.

"Master." I hear your voice coming from behind me. I turn to you, not saying anything. I turn back to look outside. "Such a warm welcome." I hear you say. I turn back to once more.

"What is it? What do you want from me, i'm quite busy?" I state, folding my arms.

"Busy with what? You don't look busy." You say, stepping forward. I look out the window.

"With my thoughts, Alucard, i'm busy with thoughts."

"Are they troubling you?" You ask, kneeling down by my side.

"Well, i'm sure you can tell pet." I spit out. I can feel your grin. I roll my eyes.

"You troubles you master."

"You." I snip. You back off, I ease.

"Surely that is not the case." You caress my forearm, I jerk it away.

"If you must know," I exhale out of my nose. "My husband hasn't called, and it's been almost a day." I say. Readjusting in my chair. "I'm worried, naturally." I blink, trying not to show any emotion. "And you have some explaining to do."

"It's not my fault!" you exclaim.

"No, no, It's.." I trial off. "Connie, she drew a picture of you today, and I can't figure way she would."

"She has only seen bits and pieces of me, you know, I can't always control it. But children have an extra sense, it's like they know, without knowing. I'm sure she knows about Seras as well."

I sigh. "Just be careful." I put my hand on your forearm. I look down at your hand, then your shoulder, and up to your face.

"I promise." You say, your hand over mine. "I'll be more careful."

"Good." I say, looking out the window again.

"Master, if I may be so bold, do you think Samuel is hurt?" You ask. I tense.

"I don't know." I admit. "It is possible." I squeeze your forearm. "I told him not to go, I told him not to go, and he did anyway, he told me it would be dangerous."

"You need to understand, master, he has a duty, just like you. You must understand he is your equal. You love him, you want to protect him. Now, imagine, if your father was like that, how far could you have gotten?"

I swallow, you're right. You're always right. No matter how hard I try to deny your right, you always are.

"I suppose your right. I shouldn't hover." I state, turning to you. I see your eyes flicker with surprise.

"Sir Integra?" You question.

"Yes?" I say, with a gentle smile.

"Are you okay? You're heart is beating really fast."

I slowly inch away. "Uh, i'm just nervous is all."

You didn't know. You truly didn't know the tiny life grow within me.

"Oh," Your hand rubs the top of mine. I can't help but move closer.

"Well, it's not that, it's something, nevermind." I shake my head. You give me strange look, you open your mouth you speak, but Walter comes bursting through the door.

"Sir Integra!" Walter exclaims. Both you and I jump up, turning to Walter. "It's about Samuel." He says urgently, a phone in his hand. I grab it, going into my office for privacy.

"Who is this?"

"Hello, is the Integra Hellsing?"

"Yes, this is her."

"I'm calling about your spouse, Samuel Leigh Zimmerman? Is he your spouse."

My heart drops, sweat beats on my brow.

"Yes." I swallow.

"Well you're husband is dead, he's been shot." The male voice tells me. I blink. What? No, no, no, Impossible! My heart falls out of my chest, my eyes stare widely out the window, a drop of rain hits it, and slowly drizzles down. No, this isn't possible.

"What happened?" Is all I can mange.  
"He was going into a meeting, and someone got past security." The voice explains.

"I see," I stiffen.

"We are currently investing the sittion, Ma'am, I am terribly sorry." The voice says.

I swallow hard, then ask, "And just who am I speaking with?"

"Detective Bradley. My apologies." He pauses. "Anyways, we are currently contacting family members and friends, so you don't have to, I know it can be hard relaying the message, but we got it covered." He says.

"All right." I say, almost robotic.

"All right, now, the body will be sent home after the investigation is over with. I'm terribly sorry, Ma'am, is there anything my department can do for you?"

"No." My voice hollow, and empty. "I have to go."

"Okay, ma'am, again, if there is anything you need, please, let us know. Goodbye."

"Goodbye." I hang up.

I feel my stomach, that life within me, will grow up without a father, he got me pregnant and left. Without a warning, he is gone, just gone. Oh god, Connie, what's going to happen to her? How can I tell her, her father is dead? How I am going to raise this child without him?

I begin to feel sick, my head spinning, I go back to the din, sitting in the chair, the rain hitting the windows hard. Making hard, tiny tings.

You are still there, giving me a worried look.

"Integra are you all-" I cut you off.

"Samuel dead." I blurt out. I hear a tiny gasp come from you. "And I'm pregnant."

A long pause falls between us.

"I'm sorry, Integra."

 **The End.**


End file.
